“Adjusting to my new look!”

I'm scared, I need to just put that out there first, I keep having crazy thoughts in the shower about what can go wrong during surgery, I'm not even afraid of the pain, it's the actual procedure. Please provide some support ladies, I've thought about a BR EVERY day for the past 4 years and now that my surgery is right around the corner I'm feeling so nervous.

I will post pics tonight, but I'm 34DDD 165lbs 5'6 and that's the other thing, I'm constantly comparing myself to women who are waaaaay bigger than me and begin thinking "if they can deal with large breasts why can't I" sigh. But trust me, mine are heavy too! lol. I just really want some support and assurance, not really getting it on the home front. Thanks guys.

Updated on 11 Nov 2011:
Hey ladies, just came here to vent and express my frustrations. I'm at a point where I'm feeling much more comfortable with the idea of surgery, I've made a list of all the things I need and everything.

Yesterday, I called my doctors office to speak about the info they submitted to my insurance and the amount of grams the surgeon submitted to be removed is not what we discussed, it's more, and that frightens me because I'm feeling like he isn't listening to my concerns about being too small afterwards.

I've been praying on it quite a bit and I know things will work out, but I feel so helpless right now. I don't fully feel comfortable with this doctor, I feel like he gets annoyed a bit when I ask a question, the girl who works in the office is very short and told me she didn't understand my concerns, and that he is a doctor so he knows what he's talking about. I only went to him because I met a woman who used him for her reduction, plus he took my insurance.

At this point, I'm willing to pay out of pocket, but I just want to feel like I trust my surgeon at the least! This is a serious procedure! So I called another doctor yesterday, and set up a consultation with him for Monday, he has great reviews and the staff was very very nice. We will see how this goes.


Am I overreacting?

Updated on 15 Nov 2011:
I went to my consultation yesterday with the new surgeon and OMG, what a difference. He listened to me, spoke to me as though we were friends and even lowered his price for me since I might be paying out of pocket.

This is my 6th surgeon I've met with in the past 5 years and I can say that I FINALLY feel comfortable. I will be scheduling my procedure for January now and no more muffin-top tittie!!!!!!

No I need to call and cancel with my current surgeon:( I hate confrontation, but this is my body and he didn't do a good job at making sure I was at ease with him, so oh well!

Updated on 8 Dec 2011:
It's been hard for me to update because my situation is a little intricate. So I called my surgeon's office and told them that I was canceling my surgery with them because I felt as though they weren't listening to my concerns and the main concern is that he wanted to remove too much and even after we agreed on an amount, when I checked with my insurance, he STILL had submitted more than what we discussed, the red flag FLEW up for me at that moment.

So now here I am, having gone to visit the new surgeon and thinking everything is going to be just fine, but I WILL have to pay out pocket, I just decided to stop for a second and not rush into scheduling a surgery date...now here's where it gets tricky.

I went to the doctor the other day, just for a general check up and as I'm talking to him, I tell him that I want a breast reduction, not sure why I told him, but I just felt like it, so he goes "oh, well I know a great surgeon that would also accept your insurance" so part of me feels like "oh crap, not another doctor" but then at the same time I want to hear his opinion...would you guys believe that the surgeon he recommended is the same surgeon I went on my very first consultation to!?!? My cousin also used him and loved him, but I think when I met with him, I was younger and just wasn't ready to take the step so I got scared and backed out.

So here I am now, sort of in limbo. I did schedule an appt with him on 1/10/12, just to see how I feel about him 4 years later. I wish they had a sooner date, but nothing was open:( The fact that he accepts my insurance does make me feel so much better, especially since I'm not really working right now, just a few writing gigs from home, my boyfriend is really helping me a lot though.

I just want to be past this, I want the surgery done. Is it weird that a part of me feels as though this has held me back in life a bit? I don't think a day has gone by in the past 4 years where I haven't thought about a reduction. I'm constantly staring at other women's breasts, I even went through a stage where I was asking their cup sizes! lol, surprisingly they were all very open and willing to talk. I'm so grateful for this site, because right now people think I'm crazy.

Updated on 13 Jan 2012:
Frustration, that's the only word that comes to mind. I feel so lost and confused right now I want to cry. I had a consultation today with a surgeon I met with a few years ago but cancelled with because he has the bedside manner of a pimp, but I decided to give him another try since my cousin had her reduction with him, but this is how it went play by play:

Dr. Asshole: What happened to you?

Me: Hello, how are you? What do you mean exactly?

Dr. Asshole: Why did you cancel on me last time?

Me: I had too much going on and wasn't ready to have the surgery just yet

Dr. Asshole: Ok, open your gown and let me see....have you gained weight since I saw you last?

Me: No I haven't

Dr. Asshole: Alright, I will cut around, vertical and underneath...stand over there so I can take your picture...turn to the left, now the right....ok, so my next appt is June take it or leave it

Me: I almost yelled FUCK YOU!!!!! But instead I graciously said, you know what, I think that's a bit to far away for me, so I'm going to find a different surgeon, thank you anyway.

Dr. Asshole: Ok, bye

I told the girls at the front that I don't care how good he is, I would feel mortified letting him touch my breasts because his smug attitude was such a turn off, I can't imagine healing and having questions and him treating me like that. They totally understood and one even told me how he made her cry yesterday, I thanked God when I left for showing me that doctors true colors because I would hate to get to my surgery date and see him for who he really is.

Ladies, I feel like my life is on a standstill right now, I want this surgery so bad but I'm starting to question if it's even meant for me to have this surgery because I've been jumping through so many hoops to have it done. At this point, I'm ready to pay out of pocket, because I don't even want to wait to find a surgeon who accepts my insurance or wait for the coverage. I'm so pissed right now, but I know I just need to be patient.

I'm just venting.

Updated on 13 Feb 2012:
So I really had to back away from Real Self for a little bit, I was absolutely addicted (and while I think it's an ok addiction to have) I was spending too much time obsessing over my and other ladies' surgeries on here.

On another note, I am so grateful for this site, I've connected with women on here who have been so immensely helpful and witty and it has been AWESOME!

I made a final decision, after all of the crap with surgeons I had gone through and after reading reviews on here and makemeheal.com, I finally found the surgeon I'm using and it was all because of real self and a particular user on here.

I put up some before pics and I will give more details about everything later (where I'm heading for surgery, costs, surgery date, scar management plans etc), off to make kale chips I go!

Updated on 13 Feb 2012:
Just realized how small my pictures are! Yuck! I will fix that.

Updated on 12 Mar 2012:
I can't believe it ladies, but I finally, finally, finally after 5 years of searching, contemplating, doubting, feeling frustrated and questioning this, I'm scheduled for surgery on April 5. It still hasn't hit me, but I'm sure it will soon.

I'm paying out of pocket (already paid my deposit, EEEEEK!) and I'm going out of state to have it done, I just got so fed up with my insurance and their requirements, they basically want you to have a mastectomy in order to qualify and I still would like a full C-cup. I'm heading to Miami actually and I found my doctor based off of a review on real self. I wont name names, but she has been very helpful and my doctors office has people who come from all over the world to use him for breast surgeries.

I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm wondering if my breasts are fine just the way they are, every possible thought is running through my mind. My honey is coming down with me and he will serve as my support system for about 5 days. I just want to do everything right. What will I eat after? What type of bra should I be wearing? What type of scar management do I use? Am I strong enough to go through with this? I'm full of questions.

Updated on 16 Mar 2012:
Got my blood work completed and faxed off to my surgeon's office. Starting next week no alcohol (I'm not a heavy drinker AT ALL, but I like the occasional brunch mimosa:), aspirin or any other meds and I will begin taking a multi-vitamin as well as a vitamin C. I have a slight cold now and need to get my health in tip top shape:)

One of the girls that works in my surgeons office had her reduction done by him so it's great to be able to call and ask questions. My only concern is that they told me not to buy ANY bras, I don't understand why not:( All I can think about are front closure bras and genie bras (which I might buy to try out after surgery just in case).

I plan on drinking a lot of lemon tea, eating plenty of pineapple (which is good for healing and bruising), lean chicken breast, salads, sweet potatoes, tuna, kale and other dark green veggies, yogurt (unsweetened) to ward off yeast infections from the antibiotics, fruit (especially citrus) and tons of water. Diet and nutrition are so important when it comes to healing so I'm taking it very serious, even though all I might crave are double cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes, I'm going to be very strict with my diet so I can heal smoothly God-willing.

I paid my deposit, $1,100. At first I thought it was crazy to try to pay for this out of pocket, but then I realized, I never shop or buy myself extravagant things, so I deserve to treat myself to something that will make me feel better. My boyfriend keeps asking me what shape they will be, he keeps saying some weird word "slopeys" lol asking me if they'll be like small ski slopes, I think he's excited....he has small hands, so I definitely have more than a handful for him =D

Updated on 21 Mar 2012:
I just have to say I'm so grateful for this site and the selfless women who are just as obsessed with it as I am:) I know I have said "oh I wish I would've had my surgery sooner" but if I had done that, I wouldn't have known about realself and I would've missed out on A LOT! On a side note, some of the reviews I see on here seem a bit fake, like I understand loving your surgeon, I get it, but it seems like a few of them are just plugs to get the surgeon some clientele, is it just me who feels that way?

So Iowa71 gave me a brilliant idea about ACE bandages after surgery instead of a bra, so I plan on buying a few to have on hand just in case I need some extra support. I can't sleep, it's 4:22 am and my sleep doesn't feel comforting right now because my mind is racing, I need to relax because I don't want to catch a cold.

I have a friend who works for the airlines so I was able to get buddy passes which are awesome, because with a buddy pass you have the flexibility of changing when you want to fly at no cost and since I'm flying out of town for surgery it will be great to have the option of staying as long or as little as I want, but it is Miami so I might want to stay for good!

I will update my before pics, my best friend borrowed my camera to go skiing, but soon as I get it back I will update, I plan on documenting my procedure up until year 1 post op.

Question: Are you allowed to wear nail polish into surgery? I want to get a mani/pedi/massage beforehand so that I can relax and feel like a lady ;) SPA DAY!!!!!

Updated on 25 Mar 2012:
I haven't been sleeping AT ALL and I'm concerned because I'm still about 11 days away from surgery and my sleep patterns have been terrible...I just want to keep my immunity up so that I don't get sick. I feel so scared and concerned about everything, I went to Target today and didn't find not a single bra, I felt like I was having a breakdown, I went to the cereal aisle and cried a little bit, then I called my sister and she reassured me that I've done my research and prayed and that I've wanted this for a long time, she's right but I just feel so confused and frightened right now.

I've decided also that I'm not going to tell all my friends about my surgery, I'm tired of people telling me I don't need to have surgery or that my boobs aren't even that big, I don't need to hear that right now, especially with all the doubts running through my mind.

I plan on calling and speaking to my surgeon tomorrow, not really sure what I'm going to ask, but I just feel the need to speak to him as well as the anesthesiologist.

Updated on 27 Mar 2012:
I feel so much better today, it is 4:00 in the morning so I'm still waking up at odd hours, but I spoke to my surgeon today and I think he knew I was nervous so it was nice to talk to him and put my mind at ease a bit. I also spoke on the phone with a realself member who used my surgeon and THAT was the highlight of my day! Thank you CK, you are the bomb.com:)

Also, I paid my remaining balance, wow! I feel like a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills paying for my own plastic surgery (my honey is helping with it though, thank God!) but I paid $1,100 a couple weeks ago which was my deposit and on Friday I paid $4,400 on my Care Credit, I recommend Care Credit to ANYONE paying out of pocket for something medical, I have a year of no interest monthly payments which is awesome! I'm a stickler for paying my credit cards on time each month, so this is perfect because I don't need to worry about interest...feeling much more excited now!

Updated on 29 Mar 2012:
Today I went to have a breast ultrasound done, I wasn't required to get a mammogram, I think all surgeons are different in what they require based on your age and other factors, but the technician or nurse, not sure what you call it, she was soooo sweet and she had actually gotten implants 8 years ago, she filled my bag up with gauze, steri strips (will I be able to change those on my own?) and a cute new gown that they have in their office, it was really nice of her, saves me some money too because I was going to buy gauze.

The ultrasound consisted of her putting this warm jelly-like substance on my boobs and rolling this device over them, it kinda hurt a little bit at certain points, I have really glandular boobs (as opposed to fatty) so they can be pretty lumpy, but she said all was normal:)

Yesterday I bought really cute button-front pajamas and nightgowns as well as....wait for it......long tube top dresses, something I NEVER wore before and felt comfortable, so I'm looking forward to being able to shop for summer clothes and not feeling self conscious, YES! My mom sent me some front closure sports bras because I had zero luck shopping for them, I went to Target and JC Penney and still came out with nothing.

I'm still a bit nervous and I feel super fat right now so I'm annoyed that I haven't lost all the weight I wanted before surgery, but I couldn't stop eating crunch and munch...it was soothing to me lol! Oh well, it is what is it (shoulder shrug).

Updated on 31 Mar 2012:
Ladies please chime in and help, I am sort of having a freak out moment, so I was told beforehand to start taking a multivitamin 2 weeks before surgery, I re-read my list of supplements and herbs to not take and 3 things that are on the list are in my multivitamin. Vitamin E, Selenium, and Chromium. I'm so scared because I don't know if this could screw things up, I'm going to call my surgeons office on Monday, I'm exhausted, I just want to get to the point where I can rest and heal.

Updated on 3 Apr 2012:
So I'm cleaning and packing (don't need to pack much, mostly pajamas and nightgowns) since I leave for Florida in the morning. Time has really flown by, I'm going to take some before pictures tonight and double check my list to make sure I have everything I need. My pre-op is tomorrow whenever I arrive to Florida and then I am the 2nd surgery on Thursday. I've been washing with Dial soap for about a week now and the vitamins I was taking are ok my surgeon said:)

Ladies, thank you so much for the encouragement, advice, tough love, guidance and overall support, I am ever grateful for this community. Send that positive healing energy my way please. Take care of yourselves.

Updated on 8 Apr 2012:
Hey ladies! I'm alive and well. I don't really feel like typing right now, but I will update soon, hope you are all well and thank you all soo sooo soo sooo much:)

Updated on 9 Apr 2012:
So I will make this quick, I flew to Miami on wednesday, rented a car and went straight to my surgeons office. I met with him for a few minutes, went over everything for the next day, recieved my prescriptions and went and filled them. I got valium (which I haven't taken) antibiotics, demerol (for pain) and an anti-nausea pill that the nurse gave me once before surgery and once after. I stayed at my uncles house and my bf came with me, that night we went to a bbq and had a good time, but I was really scared and could only think about my surgery.

The anesthesiologist called me around 9pm and asked me my medical history and reminded me not to eat or drink anything after midnight because it could be very dangerous during surgery. I went home that night and showered thoroughly with Dial soap, my breasts were white by the time I finished because they were so dry and I didnt put on lotion or deodorant.

The next morning I cried in the shower a little bit, for a few reasons, because this has been such a long journey for me and also becuause I was nervous. I showered with Dial again and didn't put on any lotion or deodorant or perfume, and slipped into a tube top dress with no bra, I decided I wasn't ever wearing that torture chamber again. I will post all my pics at once very soon.

We arrived at the surgeons office (very clean, very nice might I add). I gave a urine sample and met with the nurse, she told me what to expect afterwards and gave me an anti-nausea pill which dissolved and tasted minty. My surgeon came in a few minutes later and drew on my breasts ( I was so damn sweaty I'm not even sure how he managed to draw lol, I was sweating like a hooker in church I was so nervous!)

After that, I waited a few more minuted and around 9:40 am they called me back. The anesthesioligist spoke to me again, asked me 5 times if I had anything to eat or drink after midnight (they take that VERY seriously, I think because you can choke) and then he asked me to see down my throat. From there I was taken to the operating room, which was fairly small, I'm so shocked at myself, because I was pretty calm at this point. I got on the table and one of the other nurses put these circulation stockings on my legs, while the other nurse put sticky monitors on my back. The anesth was saying how he loved my nail color (a coral pink from Essie;) and asked me if I like margaritas, I told him I loved them, especially strawberrry, I promise you, the last thing I remember was him saying, ok, well here is your first margarita of the morning and I was out.

After that I woke up in recovery shivering and blurry eyed like a new born baby, lol! I kissed the nurse I was so out of it! She goes, "awww, you're so sweet" I was DRUNK! She kept telling me to relax and that my boobies looked beautiful...she was very sweet. I kept asking her if she liked Haitian food! lol! Oh man. After that, I was put in a wheelchair and my bf got the car, we went home and I threw up soon as I hit the bathroom, it was all clear, mostly meds I'm sure. From there I took a nap, it was a quick nap, I haven't been able to sleep much.

My pain has been minimal, my doctor doesn't use drains which I am so happy about. All the sports bras I got were way too tight, so thanks to Iowa, I got 6 inch ace bandages and had been using those for support, SOOOOOO easy. My nipples were on fire the first 3 days but I'm glad I could feel them. I keep getting little zings in them as well. Having someone to help you is so important, my bf has been great. My doctor cleared me to shower right away, but I was scared to so waited a bit, but my bf was giving me sponge bathes every day.

The next day I went back to have my gauze and tape removed and all I have now are internal sutures and steri-strips. My boobs feel and look SO tight, they are also small to me, but from living with large breasts for 16 years to what I have now, I expect them to look small to me. I've been sleeping upright every night since my surgery on the 5th and I've been drinking a ton of water as well as lemon water. I'm also taking Bromelain as well as Arnika Montana and so far I have no bruising and my swelling seems minimal. I've also been taking 1 gram of vitamin C and Vitamin A (my surgeon suggested it all, but I also researched it beforehand).

Yesterday I flew back to NY and aside from the cab ride home, everything was seemless, Jet Blue even gave me an empty seat next to me just to avoid any flying elbows, God is good:)

So now I'm going through the "what do I do now" stage, but from many women I think I just need to focus on healing and be patient and wait:)

Updated on 10 Apr 2012:
Hi ladies, question, is it normal to have tiny bits of yellow liquid in your bra after surgery? It's not blood and it doesn't have a smell to it, my surgery was on April 5th. Also, is there any special way I should be washing my breasts? I've just been rubbing Dial on my finger tips and getting my boobs soapy and thoroughly rinsing.

And thank you for all your comments, LOL CK, get that margarita!

Updated on 14 Apr 2012:
8 days out from surgery and this is what's new with me, my breasts are itching like crazy, not my incisions, but my actual breasts, I think my skin is just dry though from using antibacterial soap during my shower. I have been sleeping HORRIBLY since my surgery, I haven't slept through 1 solid night yet and that has been tough, I've slept upright since surgery but I think it has helped so much in the lack of swelling I've experienced. I've lost weight after surgery, I'm now 161 and I feel like my stomach looks better now than it did before surgery! I was a little concerned it would look bigger, I've been eating very healthy, kale, chicken breast, sweet potatoes, lemon water, fruit, coconut water, oatmeal and staying away from sugar and processed food.

I don't know if anybody else experienced this, but my side incisions hurt the most (the one underneath your breasts) I am miserable at night with this incision and wish I could do something about it. Going to start wearing bralettes this week, the bras I have are very uncomfortable. Overall, I'm feeling much better, week 1 was very rough for me, going to post pics at week 2.

Updated on 15 Apr 2012:
Yesterday was my first time leaving the house since I got back from Miami having surgery and I just walked about 15 minutes on the pier with a girlfriend of mine, I'm not sure if it was the wind or what, but you guys my breasts were SOOOOOO swollen when I got home, I mean more swollen than even after surgery. I felt scared and concerned that I might have did something wrong. My friend made me some chamomile and rubbed my back and had me doing some breathing exercises, but all in all, it made me feel like I can't leave the house just yet. I'm amazed at the women who jump right back into their routines so quickly, because I literally just started pulling open the microwave door this morning, so I have been taking it SUPER easy. I know I need to be patient.

Updated on 16 Apr 2012:
Am I healing?