I started this journey in October of 2013. I went...
I started this journey in October of 2013. I went to Dr. T and he had me go to do an Upper GI, some blood work, and a few other appointments. I was a little leery of doing this during the holidays, but I figured there would be more holidays to come in my future that I would need to eat healthy for, so I might as well start now. I ended up going to the nutritionist at the beginning of November, with a follow up appointment the beginning of December. And guess what? I actually LOST FOUR POUNDS! I am very happy. I've NEVER lost weight during Thanksgiving before! I am almost five feet tall and I started this journey at 303 lbs. I am now at 299. May not seem like a lot yet, but it's a start. And during Thanksgiving! I had my mandatory counseling session, which I passed with flying colors, and then it was back to Dr. T the middle of December. I went to him three days ago and he said that he is submitting the paperwork to my insurance. We are looking for a surgery date at the end of January, and I could not be happier right now. I am a little nervous, this is going to be about four thousand dollars that I will have to pay back, but I am so ready to make this happen!
The Waiting Game...
So it's been a week. Still waiting on insurance. Still waiting on my sleep test. Still waiting on the final nutritionist appointment. Getting really nervous, but I got this. I was supposed to have my sleep test last week, but the place that I went to told me I was not able to do the overnight one at the lab, that I had to do the at home test. I wasn't able to pick up the machine the day they wanted me to, so I called the very next day. They suddenly transformed from the helpful nice people that I met at the office, to really rude, antagonistic people who basically treated me like a second class citizen. I called my gastric doctor to see if I could go to someone else, because this place told me I would not get another appointment for a month and a half. Needless to say, that doesn't work as they are expecting me to have the surgery the end of the month. When I spoke with Mary, she said that this was something she had been hearing from a few different patients, that the office was really rude. She let me know that I could go to any pulmonary doctor I wanted, and to just have them submit the results to my doctor. So I googled for people in my area and have an appointment set for 01/06. Wish me luck!
The Date Is Set!!
I'm so excited! I got my date! 01/31/14 will be the day that my life changes completely! I cannot wait! I'm literally dancing around my bedroom. My diet starts 01/17 - which is also an amazing coincidence, as the start of this whole thing starts on my grandmother's birthday. She helped to raise me, and she passed three years ago. So I am taking that as a sign that she is behind me, and there is no way for me to lose! It's all becoming real now!
So I got the call today to schedule for my sleep test - that's a relief - I was getting worried it wouldn't be done in time. I go next week :) And even though my pre-op diet doesn't start until tomorrow - I've been making changes throughout the week - slowly cutting down on my food - staying under 1300 calories. Today I am at a staggering 643 pre-dinner - and my dinner will be less than 250 calories - so I'm there - with room to spare! I've been working on my water intake - which is harder than it seems. I didn't get enough in early yesterday - so I drank 68 ounces between 12:30pm and 9pm. I don't know how much good it did me though because I was peeing every 20 minutes. Today I've done better. It's only 5pm and I've already got 44 ounces in - taking my time throughout the day to get the max benefit. Tomorrow is the day this becomes slightly more real. The two week countdown commences!
And It Starts
So I am in my first day of my two week countdown - getting a bit realer! I did really good yesterday - went to bed having only consumed 964 calories! Doing just as good today - just trying to work on getting more protein - yesterday was only 44 grams. I've got the water down - wish I didn't have to pee so much though lol! Now it's just a few more doctor's appointments - 14 days (including today!) and I go under the knife! I got this!
A Week In
Okay, so I thought it would be hard to stick to the 1000 calorie diet. But it's not. I am actually having trouble REACHING the 1000 calories. Yesterday I only got in 630. The issue is I'm just not hungry. Maybe because of what I'm eating? For breakfast I had a Boost High Protein shake, then for lunch I had a sandwich, consisting of two pieces of 45 calorie whole grain bread, spinach, mustard, Weight Watchers Cheese, and a 90 calorie pack of turkey. Dinner was an omelet with 6 tablespoons of egg substitute, 1/3 cup of Weight Watchers Cheese, spinach, and onion, with salsa on top. I was not hungry at any point in the day. I've also been drinking my 80 ounces of water a day. Maybe that's why? Idk, but hopefully it will help rather than hinder me. Today is the day I go for my labs, EKG, etc. Wish me luck!
Just a Few More Days
I'm nervous. And excited. And nervous. And happy. And did I mention nervous? Have just over 72 hours until I'm in surgery. Can't wait for it, but at the same time, wishing it was later, haha. Had a few struggles over the past few days with cravings. The closer I get, the more I want to just gorge out on all the food I know is bad for me and I won't be able to have again. But I controlled myself. Allowed myself one bite of some of the really bad cravings, and stayed under my 1000 for the day. Tomorrow I get to see the anesthesiologist. Then just one more day. I was really worried it wouldn't be able to happen. I finally had my sleep test last Friday, and come to find out I DO have sleep apnea. I thought I had to get back in and get the final test done before the surgery, which wasn't going to be able to happen, but turns out they just needed to know if I had it. Thank the Lord. I'm going to be staying with my mom for a bit after the surgery, depending on the pain, because I live in a third floor apartment and I don't know if I will feel up to going up and down the stairs to get in my daily walking. We'll see.
And It's Done!
Surgery was Friday at 10:30 am. Now it's Sunday morning. While most people only spend one night in the hospital, tonight will be my third. I'm having really bad nausea and its hard to keep anything down, so I can't go home until I do. Honestly, at this point, I'm still not sure if I did the right thing. I'll tell you in a week.
One Week Out
Okay - so I'm feeling better - the nausea lasted three days and then stopped. I'm getting my liquids in - not worrying about the protein until stage three - and I've already lost 14 lbs. So yeah - I'm excited - and I've decided so far - it's worth it :)
One Month Out
So I haven't been updating much - but right now I just got some awesome incentive - so I figured I'd share it. I started a month ago at a size 26 - which were actually tight. Today I just put on a size 22 with room to spare!! I may be having trouble getting in my liquids - and my protein - but I'm doing something right! I was very discouraged because when I went to my doctor on Tuesday - I had only lost 10 lbs in the past two weeks. It seems to be slowing down for me. And then I actually gained a pound back. But I'm thinking maybe its muscle - because I've started working out again - and I wasn't able to fit the size 22 three days ago. So not so depressed anymore. Feel free to comment - it sometimes feels like I'm talking to myself lol.
I'm in a very discouraging stage right now. I haven't lost any weight since my last update. I've been going to the gym, staying to 500 calories a day, and nothing. I feel like it was all for nothing. I've only lost a bit over 20 lbs in the almost five weeks since the surgery. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Right now I wish that I hadn't done it at all.
So - I'm so over the depressing tone of the last update. I was just in a bad place because of missing food and the stall. But the stall ended! I ate a few bites of cheesecake and two tater tots with chili and cheese sauce (I know, naughty naughty) - and I was loving it. I was in a much better mood already. The next morning - I woke up having lost 5 lbs - overnight!! I don't know if it was just the end of the stall - the fact that I was in a better mood - or maybe I was in starvation mode from only doing about 300 calories a day and eating the fatty foods broke that. But something worked!! I'm down three sizes - everybody is commenting on how good I look - and I feel awesome! I went for a three mile walk today in the nice springtime weather - and to reward myself....I didn't turn to food! I pierced a second hole in my ears. It made me realize that before, it would always be food that I would use to celebrate - or to cheer me up when I was feeling bad - or to just wallow in my misery. Those days are over! Now - if I need to celebrate - I'll do it with clothes - or jewelry - or something else that I love and will not make me back into who I was. I'm just really happy now! :)
Another Week - Another Change
My scale is -slowly- moving downward - but I am not feeling as depressed as I could be - because I finally started measuring with inches. If there is one thing I can advise - it is to start measuring your inches right away. In the past week - I've lost only about 4 lbs - but I've gone down FULL INCHES AND MORE everywhere on my body. Everyone is commenting on how good I am looking. I can fit into smaller clothes. I see what everyone was trying to say when they said "Don't let the scale be your God!" It is not the be all and end all - it is not even the most accurate tool. Listen to your clothes. Listen to your feeling of well being. And know that this is working!
Another Week - Still Happy
My weight is still creeping downwards - and my clothes are still getting bigger. Bought some goal outfits - both mini goal (16's) bigger goal (7's) and final goal (1's). I'm going to do this, and it's going to be awesome! Already down so much from where I started!
Just wanted to give a quick update - down almost 70 lbs!! Put a picture on Facebook and for once wasn't cringing. Not where I want to be - but definitely on my way! :)
It's amazing how much difference just a few months will make! I feel great - energetic - happy - like I can do anything! I've started a workout routine at home - because it's hard sometimes to make it to the gym - and now that it's so warm out - I spend a lot of time outside - walking and hiking. I went out last night - first time since the surgery - and while it was a bit weird not drinking when EVERYONE else was - it was okay. I even got up and danced. Sober. While I sometimes wish I could have my salads - or even a big juicy burger - I know that this was worth it. And when I reach my goal I will be the happiest I have ever been.
I know this is probably a stupid thing to be excited about - but nonetheless I am VERY excited! I can eat almonds! And whole wheat crackers!! For lunch yesterday I had 5 crackers with a Laughing Cow light Swiss cheese wedge smeared on top - with 7 almonds! It was very good - and had fiber and protein. :)
Ugh - I Messed Up
So - I'm in New Hampshire for the week for work. So of course I stopped working out and am eating badly. :( The past two days I've had about a thousand calories a day - which is way more than I'm supposed to! I need to buckle down and get back on track! No more chopped salad from Outback (at 600 calories for the thing!) Back to my routine - squats squats squats - arms arms arms! I can do this!
Back Home and Doing Great!!
Finally back in my normal habitat lol! Got my workout in - eating light - bright skies ahead! Went to my cousin's house yesterday and she gave me a bunch of clothes that are too small for me now - but soon wont be! Everything from a 14 to a 2. And best of all? Free! Getting back to my walking and hiking - plus my weights workout everyday. I figure if I lose 10 lbs a month - which seems to be the norm - it will take a little less than a year from now to get to my goal. I'm good with that! I got this - I can do it! And F' all the haters who tell me I can't!
So I went to see my NUT for the first time since the surgery. I thought she would yell at me because I've been slowly creeping closer and closer to 800 calories a day, and the last time I went to my doctor he told me to stay at 500. Come to find out, she told me I'm actually supposed to be at 1000-1100 calories a day right now! So those days in NH when I thought I did really bad, because I was up to 1020 calories? That was right where I was supposed to be! She did yell at me for one thing, and that's my liquid intake. I'm still only getting about 30 oz a day, and I know that's not good! I really have to work on it! She says even if I can't do the 80 - I HAVE to do at least 64. Here's to drinking lots more water! The weird thing (hence the title today) is that ever since she told me that I am supposed to be eating MORE, I've actually been eating LESS! I didn't even reach 600 calories the last few days! I'm just not hungry anymore. People warned me that this could happen, that at about three months you lose your hunger, but they also said that in the beginning you wouldn't be hungry either and I was. So now I have to force myself to eat, but I'm afraid that because I don't feel hungry, I'm going to force too much and that will be even worse. So measure measure measure I will. On a good note - I'm down in the 230's! I'm feeling great - so much energy - and I'm doing things I haven't done in years! I was at the grocery store last night, and I couldn't reach something on the top shelf. (I'm only 4'11") So I climbed onto a chair that was there and got it down. Same thing in the freezer section. Climbed right up into that thing! I forgot how much I used to love climbing. Maybe this summer I'll try rock climbing? You know, not the real thing lol, but maybe a wall at a gym type thing? Excited to try new things!
A Better Picture
I think this picture shows better how far I've come, without the bulky black sweater. :)
Just A Comparison
I look at this - and I am astounded. Beyond euphoric. Just can't believe it. I have come so far. I know I can do this - this is all the proof I need!
Fun in the Sun(day)
First of all - Happy Mothers Day to all of the mothers and single fathers out there! I went to my mom's - it was nice - gave her all of her gifts. After that it was off to Misquamicut. I love the ocean. I guess it's probably from growing up with it. Walked along the beach - collecting rocks and shells - got a workout in without even feeling like it. Beautiful day today - so glad summer is coming! Trying to stick to my 1000 calories a day - but it's hard. I want to stop at like 800 - it feels so wrong going up to 1000! But I'll stick it out a few weeks - see how it goes. I even give myself little splurges. Today I had half of a small Decaff Iced Coffee from Dunkin. Jamocan Almond Fudge. It was quite tasty - and I'm still under my calories for the day. :) Dinner is turkey chops. Kinda like pork chops - but made with turkey lol. But boy did that ocean air tire me out!
Two Steps Forward - One Step Back
I've been struggling lately. Eating things I shouldn't. Still staying under my calories - but with the wrong foods. Yesterday - I had a cheeseburger from Burger King - including the bun! It didn't feel too good - and it didn't even taste good. I've been having battered and deep fried foods. All in all - just not sticking to the plan. It's time to get back on track. Starting today - I am sticking with the plan. No battered food. No deep fried food. No bread. Just lean meats - fruits - veggies. The good stuff. I got this.
Almost 5 Months
So I haven't been able to get on much - in the process of moving so no internet - but I figured I'd take the time now. Been struggling a bit with food choices. Now that I can eat anything - I sometimes eat the wrong things. But I'm correcting that. No more four cheese Italian blend. No more cookies. Gonna do better. Down over 100 lbs since my highest weight - and 60 since the surgery. Getting ready for summer - going to be out every day - hiking and swimming and just having fun! :) Here's to a great summer!
Been Six Months
I see a difference - do you? I am so happy with the way things are going. I know some people drop faster than me - and while sometimes that bugs me - I am okay with the way things are going. This gives my skin time to bounce back, right? Adding a few photos - tell me what you think!
Think A Mantra Would Help?
I know what one of my biggest problems is - and guess what? It's one of the same problems I had before surgery. I eat something because it's good - not because I am hungry. Maybe it comes from growing up in a house with 7 children. If you didn't eat it then - it was gone. You like dinner? Get your fill - there are no left overs. You bought yourself something good? Eat it all - if it goes in the fridge - it's GONE! So now - I find myself eating even when I'm not hungry. Because even though I live alone - in my mind - if I don't eat it now - I won't be able to later. I also grew up in a home that even if you were not hungry - you had to finish your plate. Still struggle with that one. It feels so wrong pushing away - there are starving kids in Africa you know! Not so much with restaurant plates - because those things are huge. But when I make my own plate - all measured out and nice - it's very hard for me to not finish it. So I think every morning - I will look in the mirror and say "I will not eat when I am full" and before I start eating - I will look in the mirror and say "I will not eat when I am full" - as often as needed. Because otherwise - I will soon be right back in the same boat. So say it with me guys!! "I will NOT eat when I am FULL!!!"
Time for another picture?
I think it is time for another picture lol - never would have done this a year ago - but I actually like taking pics of myself now and seeing my progress :)
Feeling So Awesome!!
So I cut fruit out of my diet. Completely. Ugh, it was hard. I love fruit. But so many carbs! And I found it was worth it! I went from losing 2-3 lbs a week - to in the past four days I'm down 5 lbs. 11 lbs to go til Onderland!!
Six Months Exactly
So yesterday was six months exactly since the surgery - went from 286 to 211 - 75 lbs down! Got about 100 to go lol. Don't worry - I'm very short - not even 5 ft tall - so 111 is a good weight for me. I've got to work on getting my calories to around 1000 - I've noticed I drop the most weight around that intake - but keep my carbs below 50 - my protein over 100 - get my water up. Sounds easy - right? lol - I got this! The attached pic is from yesterday. Happy six months to me!!
Another Week Another Update
So not much has changed this week - still at 211 - hit a mini stall - upping my water - changing my routine - I got this - keeping positive - taking pictures and letting that be my guide. Walked home from my mom's house yesterday - almost three miles - half of it completely uphill - and I didn't even get winded! Last year I wouldn't have been able to do it at all! Tell me what you think of the new comparison pic! :)
Been A While
So it's been a bit since my last update - I'm nine months out now. Wow. I'm down to 200.4 lbs. I KNOW!!!!! SO CLOSE!!! I've been in a stall - but I'm not letting it depress me. I know from the blogs and the groups I'm part of that this is normal. And as long as I keep up my good habits - protein, water, exercise - I'll break the stall and continue to lose. No new pics today - just not feeling it. In a bit of a funk lately. But that will break also.
I reached it - I got there - I am officially under 200 lbs! This is the smallest I have been in about 20 years!
Outta My Funk
So I'm out of my funk....and that means it's picture time!! As you can see above - I did it! I finally made it to the 100's! I don't see a skinny girl yet - but I do see a smaller, healthier girl! :)
Does She Do It On Purpose?
So I have a sister. She's actually one of my very best friends. But I think she might be an issue in my life right now. She's always been the skinnier sister. Not skinny. But skinnier. Now I weigh less then her. She tries to hide it (usually) but I can tell that she is NOT happy about that. I'm actually almost 50 lbs less then her. I'll put on an outfit, and she'll be like "Oh, I wouldn't wear that. Not that it's too small for you, but it does cling in your belly a little." Allll the time!!! And she tries to get me to give in to my bad habits - like "Let's have ___________ (insert Chinese, Pizza, Grinders, etc)" I honestly don't think she's doing it on purpose, but I do think that subconsciously, she wants to be the smaller sister again, and since she is not losing weight, then neither can I. Maybe it's time to have a talk?
Dr T. is awesome! He knew I was serious and hasn't been dragging his heels. Three months after my first appointment is the date of my surgery!
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