I'm 23, 5'6", and 115 lbs. I was a small B before...
I'm 23, 5'6", and 115 lbs. I was a small B before my surgery two weeks ago. I have 300cc silicone gel implants in my R breast and 275cc in my L. My results look fine, I am not botched. I chose a fantastic amazing surgeon to do my procedure. However, I am devastated and felt like I have made the worst mistake of my life.
My fiancé, who has been with me since I was 17, always knew my insecurity with my "small" boobs. He was always very against me wanting to undergo breast augmentation bc he loved my boobs the way they were- natural! He also didnt want me spending all that money to get them done! But did I listen?
I'm a dog with a bone and when I get an idea in my head, I stick to it. Finally after many arguments, he caved. "Do what you want but I don't support it" he said. So I did. And boy do I regret it!
I feel terrible that I have done this to my body and to my fiancé. I should have been happy and loved myself the way he did.
I feel fake. Like I've poisoned the body that God and my parents gave me. I feel so vain, superficial, uncomfortable. Not like me.
At my 1 week post op I questions my surgeon about a removal. He was very sincere and wanted to get to the root of my feelings so we had a long discussion about why I was feeling the way I was. He was so sweet, and advised me that if a removal is what I want then he will do it for free- but he wants me to wait 3 months before I make a decision. :-(
He has been out of town this week but I have called the office every day and spoke to nurses about how I was feeling. They prescribed me Xanax for my severe anxiety, and reassured me that I could come in and rediscuss things with my surgeon first thing Monday morning. The wait has been killing me!
I hope I can convince him to go ahead and let me explant while its still early so I can bounce back to my original self minus the scars... I'm moving 3 hours west of here next week, and ill be starting a new job and life with my loving fiancé. It would be such a hassle to make time to travel back to have this done three months from now while suffering from anxiety and regret in the meantime. I'd rather get them out now, before I move, and be done with it. I tried implants, they're not for me.
Nothing was wrong with me before. I don't know why I thought there was. Implants do not fix your self esteem, that has to come from within. I hate that it took a major surgery to realize it but its nothing that cannot be undone minus the scars.
I don't even care about the money lost, all I care about is getting back to normal ASAP and loving my God given body that I should have never altered.
Please, if you or someone you know is considering breast augmentation, please make sure you think it through. Maybe even go through counseling to be sure you're ready for it. It's not for everyone. Love yourself how you are.
I went from a fun, outgoing, silly, smart, kind person whose obsession with bigger breasts as knocked me down to my lowest low. I cannot get off the couch, I'm taking Xanax twice a day, ridden with panic, and want nothing more than to be my normal self again.
Hopefully I can relay this to my surgeon in a way that convinces him to go forward with the explant.
Missing the old me.
I was going through some old photos on my computer of my breasts pre-augmentation. They often fluctuated substantially on my thin frame- going from a small B full A to a very full B depending on my cycle/ diet. I don't know what I thought was so wrong with them before....
I saw a psychologist yesterday. He's the same psychologist I've seen in the past during my undergrad year. He's wonderful. He was very insightful and helped me really dissect why I had this done and for what reasons. After speaking with me, he agreed that I did not go through the surgery for the right reasons and he supports my decision for a removal.
I'm so nervous for Monday. That is when I talk to my surgeon to try and convince him not to make me wait his recommended 3 months before explanting. I just want to work on getting back to my "normal" self again and loving the body that I was made to have. Not the one I had created for me.
I hate that it took a surgery for me to have this revelation, but I finally realized that beauty really does come from within- and not from how much is hanging from your chest. I want to go back to my natural, God-given body and work on my self esteem in a more constructive, appropriate way.
Just wanted to add..
I just want to add that my feelings have no reflection on my surgeon what so ever. He did a fantastic job with my augmentation. All of his work is amazing, and I've passed his name along to many of my friends.
I just think that undergoing such a change was too much for me, even if my results are perfect, which so far they are. I just want myself back.
Tomorrow I finally...
Tomorrow is the day I will finally talk to my surgeon after a week of him being out of town. I am so nervous! I feel badly because he did a great job on my surgery. He honestly gave me exactly what I (thought) I wanted. I feel like a piece of s****. I just hope I can convince him to not make me wait three months. I just think the sooner the better so that way I have a chance to "bounce back".
I've seen a few horror stories on here regarding explant outcomes, and I really hope that does not happen to me. All I want is to go back to how I was before exactly! Minus the scars, of course, which I'm sure I will be depressed over for awhile but in time I hope they will fade to almost nothing. And if not, there's always laser options.
I have wanted big boobs since I was a little kid. Now that I have them, they're not that great. The only thing that is changed is how much I miss my old breasts! I was absolutely beautiful before. I miss the old me. I can only pray and hope that my surgeon will understand and go forth with an early removal. That way, I can work on loving myself for who I am naturally, and get back to feeling better about myself.
This surgeon comments on several implant removal questions and he is often very sure that breasts return to their natural shape. Here is an example:
"With simple breast implant removal, you can be fairly assured that your breasts will return to the size and appearance they would have had 1 1/2 years later if the implants hadn't been there aside from the scar to put them in. Assuming the breasts were not distorted by the procedure to put the implants in they should have had no effect on the size and shape of the breast. They act like a pillow.
It amazes me that experience plastic surgeons believe certain myths about breast implants. Breast implants do not lift the breast when they are put in and they don't make the breast sag when they are taken out. They also don't make breasts sag because of their size or location or type. It's an illusion that breasts look lifted after an augmentation and it's an illusion that they sag because the implants are taken out. Breasts sag for other reasons and might need a lift several years later after implants but might need a lift then but not because of the implant.
There is no need to do anything other than reopening the incision (if it's in the inframammary crease), remove the implant, and close the incision which can be done with simple local anesthesia. It's harder if the implant was placed through some other incision or the type of implant is not known. "
No matter how many positive responses I get from my own surgeon and surgeons on real self regarding removal, the thought of not bouncing back always find a wait to creep into my brain and heighten my anxiety to the max!
I try to stay positive. I replay my surgeon saying "Dont pay attention I the horror stories online. You're young, you have a small implant, regardless of removing them early or later, you will still get you back to where you were."
I keep thinking... 4-6 weeks can't make that big of a difference right??
I'm also having issues with my veins. I should have asked my surgeon about it, but my boobs look like a freakin' road map with all the little blue veins that are now visible after getting implants. I'm hoping these wont be noticeable after removal.
Regardless of how badly this situation completelt BLOWS, I am so thankful to have learned this lesson while I'm still young and things are fixable. What if this had happened to me only it was with a nose job? Oh goodness. No going back there....
I hate that things worked out they way they have. Of course I wish I had never done this... But I just need to keep reminding myself that it's going to be okay and things will get better with time. It's so great to have this website for support!
Having a low moment today. I know it's silly but I feel like I'm dying inside. I cannot believe I have done this to myself! I just want to rewind so badly. Now I have to wait for a removal, which will hopefully be this month. I really do hope the odds are in my favor... Doesn't hurt that I have an outstanding surgeon either.
So this isn't just a bad dream?
It is so hard not to think:
"holy smokes... This Is real? I did this?"
I think back to times just weeks ago when I didn't have these implants, and long to rewind and go back go that time before this ever happened. Of course it's silly to waste time wishing for the impossible, but it's hard not to.
I will try to channel more energy into thinking positive thoughts, such as:
1. They are coming out. The plan is in motion, no one is making me keep them.
2. I have a great chance of returning to my pre operative state, with only scarring to worry about in the long run.
3. The lesson learned from this whole mess. Loving yourself for YOU. Being grateful for all the wonderful things you have in life instead of getting all hung up on something for the sake of vanity that never truly mattered.
I hope to hear good news from my ps during my next visit. Hopefully I can move fwd with the removal and put all of this behind me!
Needing words of encouragement
I'm in a phase where I need constant reassurance regarding the outcome of my results. Certainly I can bounce back to my before state minus the scars, right? I mean, my surgeon is fantastic and he seemed confident about it. The responses I've gotten on here from other surgeons are also promising.
I just hate not knowing!
I had a long talk with tinaham on the phone today. I am so thankful to have met her through this site! We talk daily now which is helpful because I'm not able to discuss this issue with anyone around me because no one really understands how upsetting and traumatizing this situation truly is!
After the phone conversation, I hopped in the shower. Showering is now my least favorite thing to do- because I'm forced to face my fake naked breasts that I've managed to hide from myself all day in a t shirt. While I was bathing I really started to study my boobs. I started to pinch all around the implant, only grabbing my "real"/native tissue. Then I noticed myself being able to recognize my native tissue from the implant underneath, and I just got really excited!! I know that may sound odd and confusing, but I really did think, "oh my gosh my boob is still there!! It hasn't disappeared completely!" And I became more comfortable visualizing the outcome of my removal.
I feel like I'm stuck in a state of depression until I'm implant free. I understand I will be having them removed, and my outcome will most likely be a good one, but I'm not able to rest easy until then.
This experience truly has made me a different person. In some ways, better but in others not so much- I will continue to work in those parts. I just cannot wait until the day I am finally able to put this experience behind me and move forward with my life!
I woke up from a call from my nurse this morning. She knows I'm having a hard time adjusting to these implants, and I stopped calling (I was calling them daily at one point lol) so she wanted to check in on me. I told her I was doing okay but still feeling adamant about removal. She was so sweet, just like everyone in that office! She said it was okay and that she'd see me soon and she wanted me to keep seeing my therapist which is a good idea of course.
Like I told her on the phone, something just clicked after surgery. I look great, I've gotten many compliments from friends, he did what he promised he would do for me! I just. I can't explain it. I just woke up from surgery and my perspective on the whole thing (my old breasts and the need of going through surgery) took a complete 180! Something finally clicked inside me. Yeah, I wasnt happy with my natural breasts. I felt the pressure to go bigger despite what the people who love me said.
I hated my pre-op boobs. HATED. But now when I look back at old pictures I realize.. They werent big, no, but they werent small either. I had tissue. They fit my frame well. They felt soft and real. They were 100% me!
Will I be 100% "fixed" after removal? Probably not. Even if I do bounce back like my ps insists I will, I may still have boobie issues. I may still feel insecure. But that's something that I will continue to work on after the fact.
I just hope and pray that God and my body will forgive me for putting myself through something totally unnecessary for the sake of vanity alone. And if that happens, I will truly be thankful and learn to love who I am naturally.
Looking at photos of my pre-op breasts and post-implant breasts. I'm hoping once I remove they will go right back to how they were before.
My breasts fluctuate in size (pre-op) so much, as I've mentioned before. But I feel like this was due to inconsistent dieting. I'm hoping once I have them removed, they can go back to how they were before and I'll start being more consistent with when and how I eat as well as my workout routines to ensure they do not fluctuate much....
Implant removal via local?
Any of you ladies who removed went with local anesthesia only? If so, can you describe your experience for me? Or link me to your review?
I'm wondering how much of it you feel, and if its painful, quick, easy, etc.
My surgeon did not specify what he would use (local or twilight) but I'm thinking if he does it for free I may be looking at local.
I'm having trouble sleeping at night again. I am anxious and my heart is beating fast! I can't help but play the "why did I do this" game.
I still feel very disconnected physically, mentally and emotionally not only from myself but with the people around me. It's a bizarre feeling that I hate so much. I want these implants out so I can turn over a new leaf, feel more at peace, and back to my normal self once again.
I'm hoping once I remove, I will feel a sense of relief and that things will go back to normal. Sometimes I worry that the surgery itself has scarred me for life, and even if I do bounce back completely I will still feel "disconnected". I hope that won't be the case.
Positive outlook on removal
So, I've been scanning removal questions like a freak, reviewing different answers given by plastic surgeons. These were some of my favorite responses that help me think positively about this situation I've gotten myself into:
Theoldme2 Jul 14th, 2013 8:03pm
Various Removal Answers that are very positive!!!!
The extent of sagging will depend on how much breast tissue you have, how big the implants are, how much time has passed, if your weight has changed and if you have had children. If you went from a B to a C three months ago and have changed your mind, you will likely look pretty similar to your preoperative state. If you went from an A to a D fifteen years ago and have nursed 4 children, you should expect some significant sagging.
1. My guess is your breasts will look pretty much the same as they did before the surgery but with a scar.
2. Given the modest size of the implant and the brief time they have been in, it is very likely that your breasts will approximate their pre-operative appearance without implant
3. Removing implants at 2 weeks will probably only require removal. As to the question of how they will look, they probably will look similar to what you looked like before surgery.
With implants in for such a short time period and given the size, I would not anticipate any untoward consequences.
4. Thank you for the question and picture. Removal of breast implants after 2 weeks does not necessarily require “capsule removal” or the use of drains. it is likely that your breast will look like they did before the breast augmentation.
5. capsule is formed at about 4-6 weeks. before that no need to remove capsule., and with that short peroid of time you probably will be the same as before surgery.THIS TIME MAKE AN INTELLEGENT DECISION. BE INFORMED FULLY OR YOU WILL REGRET REMOVING THE IMPLANTS. YOU WERE NOT A CANDIDATE FOR BREAST IMPLANTS TO BEGIN WITH.
6.My experience over 30 years is that most patients are happy with their appearance after implant removal. I believe that patients are relieved at having the implants out and this psychological relief out weighs any concerns about breast appearance.
7. In general, a breast implant is just a pillow, and when the pillow is removed the breast should go back to looking like it did when the pillow was put behind it. The exceptions are distortions caused by the surgery or the implant such as too big an implant or tissue manipulation to get the implant in. The other is the passage of time as breasts and tissue tone will change over time whether there is an implant there or not. I think it's a myth that properly done breast augmentation does anything to the breast that will change the way it looks if taken out (aside from the scar to put it in). Even capsule contracture should not cause distortions if the implant is removed.
8. As for removing the implants, if you've only had them in for about 1 1/2 years, then the skin may still shrink back you probably do not need a lift.
9. I have been amazed at how well breasts tighten up in the weeks after explantation, and so, have stopped doing immediate lifts. Patients have to understand that a secondary lift procedure can be done later, should the breasts remain overstretched and droopy. I have not yet needed to do a revision lift.
10. Make sure you really want to do this! It sounds like you have thought this out fairly well. The sooner you remove them, the better the chance of the tissues returning towards normal.
11.Chances are excellent that you will “bounce back” if you decide to have your breast implants removed; your youth, size of breast implants, quality of overlying skin, and time since surgery are all in your favor.
12. both you and your PS are correct in your assessment that your breasts will regain their original shape and size once the implants are explanted. The only difference will be the scars utilized for placement and removal
I can't sleep at night anymore! My anxiety is at it's highest, and I think it's due to the fact that I'm totally alone because everyone is sleeping. I'm so tired of this body! I want to feel natural again so badly!
I see my PS this week but I have go admit I'm pretty nervous. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I'm kind of embarrassed to show my face in his office again. This whole experience has been rather humiliating. I freaked out even though my surgeon did an amazing job, the nurses were so sweet when I called the office every single day for a week freaking out because they were the only ones who could help me calm down, and now I will go back and express that even though my results are damn near perfect and everything I thought I wanted...I still want them out.
Talk about a mind bender.
I just hope they can forgive and forget me, because I'm willing to bet I'm the craziest patient that ever walked throught their doors. Ugh. I just feel terrible all the way around! Terrible that I did this to myself, terrible for my surgeon and his staff for wasting his time and good work. But I really feel deep down its the right thing to do, so it needs to be done.
Lots of before pictures and one after.
My breasts fluctuated in size GREATLY. Why is that? I understand a small fluctuation in size during menstruation, but I feel like my boobs went from teeny weeny to almost huge, on my frame at least. What do yall think? Why is that?
That was one of the main reasons why I got implants to begin with. I was tired of having nice full breasts for a week or two at a time and then deflating back to a smaller size. It drove me crazy.
Silicone Gel Ladies
Ladies with silicone gel implants-
I spoke with my surgeon the other day regarding removal, and while I was waiting on him to come into the room I started playing with the gel implant that was lying on the table. Wow. No wonder I wanted an augmentation! I forgot how soft and squishy implants felt in your hand. They DO NOT feel this way inside your body at all! They feel like a firm, rubber stress ball. How do they feel so differently inside versus outside? So strange!
So my removal date is set tentatively for the second week in August. I will know for sure next week. I may have to wait longer, but I really hope not. If that ends up being the case I may have to look at other options...
I hate that I did this to my body, and I hate how long it's taking to fix it. I was scheduled for my surgery a week after my very first consultation. Everything happened so fast! But taking them out feels like forever.
I'm still struggling with anxiety. It's not always as constant as it was before, but it's definitely still occurring. I'm more depressed than anything. I just wish I didn't do this. And I want it to be over do badly. I hate that my removal couldn't have happened before starting my new job, as I really didnt want to have to use a sick day within the first two weeks. But if that's what I have to do to get these things out I will.
I can't complain too much as my surgeon really is being more than fair about this whole situation. I feel badly because I know he's disappointed and confused as to why I would want them out after having such "great" results, but it's not something you can explain without having experienced it! I'm just so grateful I went with such a good-hearted and experienced surgeon.
In so ready to move on. Three weeks doesn't seem too long to have to wait, but when you look at each individual day it feels like an eternity! I'm so ready to get these implants out and put this whole mess behind me.
I just want my old body back!
Sorry for the..
Sorry for the depressing nature of my posts lately. I just feel awful. I have this sinking feeling in my stomache and I can't get it to go away. I have a lump in my throat I can't swallow. It takes everything in me to get off the damn couch. I just want to curl up in a ball until this is all over. I know that sounds silly but it's true.
I'm sick of feeling so disconnected from everything and everyone in my life. I'm a completely different person. I just want to get my life back on track and get back to how things used to be. I hate waiting...
Still so hard to sleep! I'm so anxious. I feel like crying but I can't.
Letting my crazy out.
For the first time since this whole ordeal, I've felt a new emotion: anger.
I am beyond angry that I let myself do this. I really am. But, at the same time I completely understand why I felt the need to do it. When society is screaming bigger is better and media is filling television and ads with women's breasts. Cleavage is everywhere! I couldn't escape it if I tried. I can't even drive down the interstate without seeing a Hooter's or Twins Peak girl's big ole boobs plastered on a freakin' billboard. It's exhausting. It's to the point where I am seeking therapy because no matter where I go, or who I'm with, I can't escape the boob issue!
Will a part of me be insecure of my small breasts? Maybe....okay, more like probably. Getting implants wasn't a "quick fix" to my self-esteem issues, and neither will removal. It goes way deeper than that, for me at least, and definitely something I need to hash out with a professional psychologist.
But I know, now, with confidence that implants are not the answer for me. I hate the look of them, and I hate the feel of them. They are firm and unnatural. I will never want them inside me ever again. I'd much rather go back to how I was before, because at least that was 100% natural, soft, and 100% me.
I am praying that my tentative removal date sticks, so that way I can have these suckers out in the next three weeks. I'll know for sure next week. Thanks ladies, for letting me rant and get my crazy out.
So I have my official removal date. It's later than I originally thought.. It's the third week in August. I'm really upset I'm not able to get it done sooner. I'm hurting so badly inside and outside and ready to get off this ride. I'm definitely still feeling the regret. It's stronger than ever. I feel like I've ruined my body. I had a nightmare last night that I ended up with deflated sagging skin with no volume left and other complications. Ahh! I really hope that doesn't happen. Ill have only had them for a little over 9 weeks before getting them removed. Surely that won't happen....
I'm just sad that I ever felt like I needed to do this. I'm sad it didn't work out for me. And I'm sad that my breasts may not look 100% and even if they do, I'll have to put up with the incision scar as a reminder of this mess before it begins to fade.
I still feel disconnected from everyone; even myself. I hope so badly the next 3 weeks fly by and my removal story is a happily ever after lol. I see so many women who remove who look and feel great afterwards! I just wish there were more young women who remove early so I can compare my results to. You know? Problem is I'm a rarity in that area as so many young women are brainwashed and LOVE their artificial breasts and don't end up removing until later on. Or they hate their artificial breasts and didnt know that removal is an option until later on. Sigh.
I just want to go back go normal so badly and forget this ever happened. I want to look normal and pretty after removal just as I did before. 3 more weeks of this nightmare.
I only have one more week before my removal. I started really thinking about incisions. I got crease incisions, and I remember my surgeon marking me right in my fold before the surgery. They seemed to be exactly in my crease right after surgery, but after I dropped it now looks like my incisions are above the fold in my "underboob" (see pic). Is this because of tje stretching of skin? I'm wondering once they are removed, if my new scar will be back in my fold once things shrink up?
My surgery is in 2 days. Gulp.
I don't know what to think. I'm terrified. Excited. Everything. I just wish so badly I never did this, and I can only hope and pray I won't be permanently tainted by this mistake.
2 days away. I'm so nervous. I just want to go back to how I was so badly. I'm terrified. I cant believe I did this.
I decided to post some pics of my before and afters before my removal. I have before I got implants, after I got implants, flexing with implants, and scars at 9 wks.
Tomorrow is the day. Such a mix of emotions. I'm sad that I ever did this, because I realize how beautiful my natural breasts were and how I never needed to do this surgery. I'm excited to have my implants out, but fearful of my outcome. All I can do is pray that everything will be okay and I can accept the new old me!
I also pray that my love is happy with the results as well. He never wanted this surgery for me. So I hope my outcome is very similar to what I was before, because he loved that.
I just hope my relationship with him gets better, because with all the changes going on in our lives- boob issue being one of them- things have seemed a little distant.
The night before
I'm so incredibly nervous for tomorrow. I just pray that things go well and my body can return back to how it was before I put it through this mess. I'm going to try my best to move forward and focus on things that actually matter in life. Love, happiness, fun, faith, health, etc. thanks to everyone who has shared their story on here! And to everyone who has supported me through this!
All hooked up
In the bed hooked up to my IV ready to go. So weird being back here. I so ready to put all of this behind me. I'm ready to move on! I just pray everything goes smoothly. Thanks everyone for all of your sweet words and support. Here goes nothin' ...
So of course I peeked right after surgery... I look so flat!!! Flatter than I was before. Is this normal? Like I don't know what to think.
Well it's the night after surgery and I'm tightly wrapped with bandage. I can remove the bandage Wednesday but of course I peeked like I said before. I am still a little discouraged at how different I look. I only had my implants for 9 weeks. My breasts look flat, and the skin is loose. But I'm hoping after a few days my tissue will start to fluff up and things will tighten and go back to normal. It's just the waiting part is hard...
Am I sad I removed my implants? No. I'm sad I ever got them in the first place. I hated them and I'm glad they're gone. I just hope my body will forgive me for what I put it through because it was never worth it!
So I'm over 48 hours post op now, going on day 3. I'm still pretty depressed about how flat I am. I'm really hoping to see improvements. If fluffing occurs, which hopefully it will, it's gonna take a lot! I thought I was "small" before, but holy cow. I'm non existent now! It's terribly embarrassing.
Even though I'm distressed over my results right now, I'm not regretting removal. I don't miss my implants. If anything, I'm just kicking myself for ever getting them. I just think it is crazy that I walked out of a plastic surgeon's office for my very first consultation ever, and ended up going right back in less than 2 weeks later for my actual surgery. Really? Who does that? Who talks for a 23 year old girl for less than 30 minutes, and then cuts her open two weeks later? It just happened way to fast for me. That's all.
All I can do now is focus on healing and fluffing back to my old self. I've bought a case of Ensure Plus shakes, and I'm drinking one for breakfast and one before bed to promote a "healthy weight gain". I'm worried since I am so flat, I may have lost tissue/ fat. I don't weigh myself regularly, so I can't say for sure I've lost weight...but who knows. I'm going to continue to try to eat three meals a day plus 2 shakes. We'll see what happens.
If anyone has any advice please let me know. I just haven't seen anyone as flat as me after removal compared to what they looked like before. So it's very scary for me.
4 days post op and I'm still a little concerned about my tissues returning to normal. I'm still very flat and empty. When I peek in my sports bra my boobs are sunken in. They're like loose, empty bags of skin. I don't know when to start expecting the fluff/plump factor.
What does compression do? Does it help with fluffing at all? Or is it just to prevent Seroma? Right now I'm wearing a thin sports bra during the day and I wrap in an ace bandage during the night. Any suggestions?
To compress or not to compress?
That is the question. I was wrapped firmly in ace bandages straight after removal. I was told to keep this on until the 2nd day, and I could remove it and shower. I have a thin sports bra I have been wearing but I prefer the extra support of the wrap bandage ontop of the sports bra. But... Now I wonder..how will I "fluff" if my tissues are being compressed by the wraps?? I'm just not sure what to do! If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I'm a little shy of 5 days post op.
Still not noticing much change. When I look inside my sports bra, they're not as sunken in. But when I remove the sports bra and the wrap, they are still very loose and flat. I'm drinking Ensure Plus 2x daily and eating 3 meals a day. Looking back at old pictures, my arms do look thicker than they are now. Maybe weight loss has also played a part in my removal outcome. I hope this whole surgical experience hasn't affected my ability to re-gain some weight in my breasts. What do y'all think?
I found an old picture of me from a couple of years ago. I was a lot more tan than I am now, obviously. See what I mean about the arms?
Anyway, I will continue to pray over my outcome and treat myself better physically and mentally. It's still hard seeing beautiful, busty models on TV, in ads, or anywhere, really. But I'm trying my best to ignore it and focus on getting my body back.
Not much change since day 1. Still very flat and loose.
I removed my steri-strips today and I'm pleasantly surprised at the scars. They are much smaller and blend much better than they did with implants. They are a little red in this photo bc those steri-strips are worse than ripping off a bandaid!! So it irritated my skin a little, and there's still pen marks on me lol.
Hoping I firm and fluff these next few weeks.
I'm 11 days post op and slowly becoming more comfortable with the "new me". I definitely have my low moments still, but hopefully as I continue through the healing phase those moments will become less and less.
I'm right along side LuvMyNaturalSelf and tinaham and itching to get back into an exercise regemine. I think starting a healthy diet and getting back into shape will help me feel better about myself both inside and out.
Thanks again to all my ladies who supported me through this tough lesson!! Ill continue to post updates until I'm 1 year post op!
Side by side
Day 2 vs day 11
So it's Labor Day and I celebrated with family and friends. I felt awkward as I couldn't wear a cute outfit since I'm not cleared to wear regular bras yet, so I sported a tshirt and jean shorts with my tiny breasts flattened by my sports bra. I had felt fine all morning, but once the fun started I got a little anxious. It seemed that everywhere I looked there was ample cleavage. Then, later on, we all watched a movie where, again, full cleavage was on display. I felt so crappy! Maybe a little less crappy than similar situations, but I'm not sure if this is me getting better or the drinking that was involved. Lol.
I just wish I wasnt so obsessed with breasts. It's like an addiction! It's maddening. I went from feeling better and trying to accept my naturally petite breasts to looking up price quotes for the BRAVA system and fat transfers. Sigh.
I still don't regret removal. I just regret ever getting implants from the start. They don't feel natural enough, and they certainly aren't comfortable. I'm sad, too, about the muscle distortion I have when I flex. It's exactly how Mommy2Two described. And even though my scars are fading nicely already, they still bug me.
Sorry for such a negative post, but I just wish this never happened! And it's hard for me to move on, because even when I start to, somehow a pair of nice full boobs never fails to appear whether it in be real life, on TV, on the Internet, or on some sort of paper ad and it ruins everything! Haha. Goodness. I don't know what is wrong with me.
I'm a little sick to my stomach. I showed my significant my breasts for the first time since my removal. I don't think he was very impressed so far. He got kind of weird; I could tell something was up. After pressuring him into telling me what was the matter, he admitted that he felt they looked different than before I had implants. I'm still very early in my recovery. I must admit, I got very upset. I held it together in front of him, but later the tears fell. I just feel so sick to my stomach over this whole mess. I've tried praying, which I thought might be working until the "grand reveal".
I appreciate his honesty, and he wasn't ugly about it. I want him to be honest with me.
This is the most fucked up experience I've ever had in my entire life.
I'm wondering if the flatness I'm seeing in my upper pole has to do with the loss of pectoral muscle I had built previously. I had my implants under the muscle. Could it be the muscle takes time to heal and also fill out due to compression? Or maybe I just need to try and rebuild some of that muscle once I'm fully healed.
My skin is still a but looser than before, but I'm trying to keep it moistened with bio oil and olive oil every day. I'm still wearing a snug sports bra during the day and sometimes still at night.
I know I'm not even 3 weeks out yet, however I may have been guilty of researching fat grafting. Everything I have read screams Dr. Khouri as being the best. Too bad he's in FL and I don't have $10,000 lying around. Ha. I did research some board certified PS in my area who offer fat grafting. One for less than 4,000 dollars...what! Too good to be true perhaps?
I know I need to get off this crazy boob coaster, but I'm still struggling with the fact I ever made this mess to begin with, and I just want to do everything in my power to fix what I've tampered with.
I'm not saying I'm definitely going to go through with it, but it's definitely something ill continue to research/ save for just in case. It's comforting to have a plan B.
Reaching out to the man upstairs.
I've been having rough days lately. Mainly anxiety and fear followed by depression. I know I'm only 3 weeks out, but I can't help but worry I won't show much improvement from here on out. I'm sick with guilt of ever getting implants in the first place. I feel tainted, ugly, and sad. I feel bad for myself, and my SO. He loved my breasts and never wanted me to get an augmentation. I honestly do not know what I was thinking. I wasn't in my right mind.
I know this sounds silly, but I've just been so saddened that I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning. I just feel sick to my stomach. I don't feel like I'm back to myself, and I'm not sure if I ever will be. I feel different. I've changed my body. It's the weirdest thing. I'm going to continue praying for happiness and acceptance.
I'm going to wear my wrap to bed tonight. I haven't been wearing a bra to bed the past few days. It irritates my incisions. but, in order to help my skin retract a little more, I'm going to attempt to wear my wrap to bed the next few nights to see if any improvements occur.
Thanks for everything ladies. I'm very thankful for this website and the opportunity to vent/reflect/express my feelings without feeling judged.
I'm in the process of finding a therapist in my area that will work with my insurance. I am having some rough days lately, as most of you already know. Today was a bit different as I was high with positive energy one minute thinking, "Things will improve! My PS said it would take 3-6 months and I'd be back. I just have to wait that's all!" which quickly turned into tears and
"oh my goodness what have I done? This is not me. This is not my body." Crazy, I know.
I really am curious if at week three I have my final results, or if things will continue to tighten, fluff, and improve over time? My main concern is the flatness and slight dipping I have in my upper breast. They look "deflated" before rounding out at the bottom. I'm wondering if my upper breast area will start to firm and fill in over these next few weeks/months like my lower area has.
My surgeon seemed so confident with removal. When I first considered it, he told me in his office, "Well the good thing about removal if you decide to do it is that the breasts go right back to looking like they did before!" I really trust my surgeon so I'm hoping he's right. Surely I still have more healing that will occur?
How about you veteran removers? When did you start to see your final results/ how did you know? Any information is appreciated!
I'm guilty of emailing a surgeon in my area regarding fat transfer. His price is surprisingly low compared to other surgeons who practice it, which makes me a little cautious. However, I've googled his name a ton and haven't found any negative reviews about him yet. The only augmentation he performs is the natural fat grafting breast augmentation- no implants. Of course he is board certified. I hate to be still on this boob coaster, but at the very least I think a consultation with this doctor will hopefully give me a second opinion on my current situation, as well as provide me with some more detailed information regarding his particular technique he uses when performing natural breast augmentation. The consultation would be complimentary, which is also a plus. Why not?
Anyway, thank all of you ladies. Please, anyone who had a slight dip/flatness/"deflation" in their upper breast area, let me know if this ever improved for you or not.
Love all of you ladies! I don't know what I would do without this forum.
Hard to be patient
I'm thinking I may stop compressing at night. I woke up this morning and looked at my boobs in the mirror. They looked so deflated, loose, and saggy. I looked like I was back to week one! What in the heck???? I almost had a break down but I'm getting ready for work so it's taking everything in me not to. I really may have to consider saving for fat transfer. I'm not even 25 years old! I can't believe I have done this to myself. I have ruined my body. I'll post pictures today after work..
Trying to be patient.
I'm coping with things a little better than before, thankfully. However, I'm still anxious for how my final results will turn out. I feel weird in this body, because it's been tampered with. I still don't feel "normal". I really hope I can regain some of that upper pole I had pre-BA that is now loose, flat skin after removal. I'm wondering if there's anything I could do to help this? Maybe massage? Or could that make it worse? Hmm.
I too keep trying to think back to how confident my surgeon was regarding removal. He said that they would go right back within 3-6 months. I guess I just have to keep being patient!!! I will try to update pictures this weekend.
Well I'm on week five of removal and things are still tough, but hopefully getting better. I still have a lot of loose skin that I would love to see tighten up in my upper pole area. I bought a bra on Sunday, which was emotional. It's a regular lightly lined underwire bra in 32B. Trying on a regular bra really opened my eyes to how loose my breasts are. Anyway, I've been wearing the bra non stop since yesterday morning- even to bed! I really hope this helps some of my tissue migrate towards the top of my breast so that I can have a shape more similar to what I had before augmentation.
I still dream or rewinding back to the day of my implant surgery so I can stop myself from ever starting this mess! I know that's not possible, but it's hard not to think about it. I'm going to continue to drink lots of water, take my vitamins, and wear the regular bra to hopefully improve shape. Yes, I still think about fat transfer incase things do not improve. It will take a lot of sacrificing in terms of finances but if it comes down to it, I may have to do it. For now, though, I'm gonna ride this out for the next six months and see where I'm at.
Am I really grieving?
I know this may sound silly, but I think I am in grieving. I miss my pre-altered body before implants, and I'm really struggling with that loss. I think I may be slowly getting better, but its more of a numbness to the whole experience versus a happiness or moving on. I still have my low moments, but not as frequently. I went from crying everyday to not crying at all so far this week (I know, its only Tuesday...but still!). It's the weirdest thing to think I'm grieving, as that term is normally used when someone passes away or walks out of your life. I feel guilty using that term for my breasts, but I can't help how I feel. This experience has been truly traumatizing for me. I go from being sad, to angry, to numb, to hopeful then repeat. I really hope switching bras will help things.
Sorry if this is TMI, but I think I want to find a sex therapist. I've never been to one before, but I think maybe I should try? Has anyone here ever seen one? The few times I had sex after augmentation were awful, and after removal I have avoided sex at all cost. The few times I have had sex since removal were awful. Not because of the actual sex part, but more so the way I feel during sex. I felt so incredibly ugly and uncomfortable that I softly cried through the whole thing (w/o him knowing). I feel hideous! It makes me sad that I feel this way, and that big-boobed-obsessed society has made me feel so insecure that I felt the need to get implants, freak out, then remove them and still feel like total crap.
Anyway, enough with the boo hoo. Just feeling low and had to let it out. I don't talk to anyone except for people on this forum because, well, not many people know and the people that do know don't understand.
Anyway, thanks for letting me bitch! Lol. I'm gonna go on a run and see if that helps me feel better about things.
Love you ladies! Also, any tricks or things you have done either physically or mentally that have helped you through this please let me know! Books, oils, exercises, diet, anything.
I'll post pictures next week! I'm going to continue to wear this bra day/night until next Monday to see if I notice any changes in shape/skin laxity.
Week 5 pix. Taken in the shower after wearing an underwire bra for 48 hours straight.
So I had a fat transfer consultation scheduled for this morning but decided not to go. I was not ready to take my top of infront of another surgeon and have him poke around and asses my physical appearance. So I decided to sit on my porch and drink coffee instead! Don't get me wrong... a fat transfer still lingers in my thoughts but but definitely not so soon and definitely not from the local surgeon I was supposed to meet with this morning. Right now I'd like to focus on a healthier life style change- both physically and mentally (mentally might take longer lol). If I'm still feeling upset 6mo to a year down the road, then I can make a decision of going forth with another surgery. I love the support from all of you ladies regarding my s/o. Like any relationship, its definitely rough at times, but something I'm also taking day by day and re-evaluating in the next few months.
Ill keep you updated! ;-)
Scars at 8 weeks. Any advice on what to use on these puppies to help them fade into non-existence???
Final update... For now!
I can finally say, 4 months later: I no longer suffer from intense anxiety! Woo! I do sometimes still feel regret over my breast augmentation- especially because of the visual reminder of my incision scars. They are looking much better than before, but still bother me some days. I'm mainly bothered that they are above my crease- ugh. Anyway, I think things are about 85% back to normal for me.
I can say with confidence that removing my implants was one of the hardest things I've done but I am so relieved that I had the courage to go through with it. I am much more comfortable and at peace with those silicone bags out of my body! And even though I love being in my natural skin, I would be lying if the idea of fat transfer breast augmentation doesn't still linger in the back of my mind, lol. Call me crazy, but it's true. I doubt I will ever (have the money) to go through with it, though.
If I can say one thing it's that I want all women to love themselves. Think twice, triple, quadruple before going through with plastic surgery. Love yourself for who you are. You are all beautiful! Know it, believe it, live it. Don't fall into the pressure of society or media values. Stay strong and true to yourself! Trust me, I was the worlds worst about indulging in self-hate and self-criticism. I became obsessed over what others viewed as an "ideal" woman, physically. I was sick! And I realize that now. Looks really don't matter when if comes to what's on the inside. I know it sounds cliche, and much easier said than done, but I finally understand what so many people have tried to tell me for years now. That is: confidence is the sexiest quality a woman can have. Be confident! Work out, start yoga, drink tea, learn to dance, start violin lessons. Anything that will take your mind off of your boobs and on something that is much more worth your money and your time!
Thanks again to you ladies for all of your support and love through one of the roughest times of my life!
Scars :-( @ 6 months
Scars are bothering me... Tips??