24 Years and Really Really Stupid - A Long Journey of Removal - Kelkheim, DE

I started on the biggest mistake of my life two years ago in 2013. My sister and me wanted to get matching tattoos, so we decided on a feather with birds flying up and our name combined being written by the feather. After the tattooist did the work on me (she was being really bitchy the whole way through tattooing and before, when we talked about our expectations), I realised this what not really what I imagined. I told her that I wanted it to show more, cause it was always covered by clothes. So she added colour and "fairy dust" as well as a lot of coloured dots. As soon as she was done I kind of started to slowly realize that I didn't like it that much. But it was never that bad that I felt uncomfortable with my tattoos, I just didn't like to show them with my everyday clothing. I stopped wearing tops and everything that showed my tattoo. I also went to a laser place to get a consultation but decided that it was too expensive. Then I got the idea of a cover up. As I knew I was going to study abroad in September (2014), I wanted to get a cover-up as soon as possible. Stupid. mistake. I went to different places, but thye all had long waiting lists. So I went to a place where I only had to wait two months. And I liked the owner and what he said he could do with my tattoo. I felt comfortable. So I decided I wanted something like an auqarell technique. He decided that a girl tattooist is going to do my cover up. I already wondered why he couldn't do it, but was kind of too shy to ask. One of the "bad" characteristics I have. When something feels wrong I just do it, most of the time too shy to ask and then afterwards regret it. Anyways we decided on some black paint dots and a rose on my side. It already felt kind of not right after getting it done, but I was so used to covering up my tattoo that I didn't realize that I disliked it that much. So I went to study abroad in September. In Spain. Being on the beach everyday I finally realized how much I HATED, LOATHED my tattoo. It almost goes right up to my neck now and I can never! cover it. It always shows. And from the beginning on it looked like an undefinable black blob. What followed where the most horrible months of my life. Having dealt with severe depression before, everyday just got worse. Realizing that it's not going to be easy at all to get it off. I thought about doing salabrasion, also tried some methods to get some little bit off by myself to see some kind of hope. Nothing. It got so bad I didn't eat or drink. So my friends brought me back home to Germany, where I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. What I felt in that clinic was a severe depersonalization, that nobody - I had the feeling - could understand. I couldn't identify with my body anymore, felt completely disrupted of my old life. They wanted me to accept my tattoo. But that just made it worse. So I finally decided ... after a long long time, that I'm going to get it removed with Picosure. After researching for 5 months that seemed the best idea. Although I'm kind of sceptical cause practically my whole tattoo is black.

So on January 23th a friend of mine drove me to Frankfurt. I got lasered from my collarbone to my entire side to my hip. I didn't take any pain medication nor did I have numbing cream. I'm telling you - I have a really high pain tolerance - this was the most incredible pain I had to endure in my entire life. I cried have way through, my whole entire body shaking. But mistake is mistake.

Now it's 4 days later. I didn't bandage anymore. But I put Bepanthen on still. How long do you guys put the really thick cream on? For how many days?

Sorry about rambelling on, but I had to tell my story. Knowing that this is maybe going to be 2 years is really hard, but I'm starting to be able to deal with it. Worst feeling is that I did this to myself and feel so incredible stupid. I feel like I have ruined my life... Nothing is like before. But I'm fighting and trying to get back on my feet.

I'll upload pictures of the progress in the next couple of days. Here are some pictures from before.