So tomorrow is my consultation. Wow. I am feel...
So tomorrow is my consultation. Wow. I am feel like I have already waited so long for this moment.
I specifically remember, as an 11year old girl, waking up Christmas morning and feeling the first small handful of my breasts. I was so thrilled. I just knew I was in my way to becoming a woman. All I had to do was wait until they grew large enough for a bra. Unfortunately, that day never came. Year after year, the rest of my body grew, but those small breasts never seemed to change.
Fast forward to now. I am 25 years old, and there are so many wonderful things happening in my life. I am recently engaged, I have purchased a home, and I finally have a job that provides good money. So finally, I am able to afford the surgery I have always wanted.
Up until this point I have successfully fooled everyone into thinking I have normal sized breasts. When i showed people the picture (postes above) they were shocked. Even my own mother laughed at how small my real breats were, compared to how she is used to seeing me. This deception made possible by the incredible "bombshell" bra by Victoria's Secret. It's all I wear; thank god they make swim suit tops as well. However, I long to know what it's like to wear a normal bra, bikini, sports bra, or no bra at all (imagine how magnificent!). This desire has recently been at the forefront of my thoughts. It is hard to try on wedding dresses that accommodate for a huge bra. While wedding dress shopping the assistant kept showing me backless, strapless, and low cut styles- none of which would conceal my padded bra.
I want to feel confident in my wedding dress. I don't want to feel like I have to hide behind a padded bra. I want to wear a sports bra. I want boobs!
(First, I apologize for the spelling/ grammar errors above, I am doin Thea updates on my iPhone)
So today was my consultation! So exciting! I set a surgery date 9/5/2103! That's only two weeks away!!! I can't believe it. I am so fille with excitement.
The consultation went pretty quickly. I filled out basic paperwork, then met with the doctor who went over some expectations. Then he took some measurements (all kinds of crazy things). I tried on different sizes and shapes of implants and decided on what works best for me.
I then met with the patient coordinator who told me they had dates available as quickly as next week. I chose 9/5 so that I would be able to schedule time off work (and mentally prepare).
She gave me all kinds of prescriptions, and pamphlets, and said I can call any time with questions.
I feel great about the process, the doctor and how everything has gone so far. I am so excited and I feel like it was meant to be.
I can't wait!
See ya in two weeks!!
In case anyone cares..
I am 5'6"
Currently I would guess I am 36A, althogh I have never worn a bra my size. I shop for really really padded bras, or wear two at a time, or buy a big bra and stuff it... So I am really clueless on bra size currently.
I am hoping to be a very full C (whatever that means- I know it's always different).
I put a picture of my wish boobs! Fingers crossed! T-minus 15 days.
To tell or not to tell
So today I have been struggling with whether or not I want to tell anyone about my BA.
On the one hand, I had already planned to make up a lie about what the surgery was for and go about my daily life without anyone knowing. I think this would be fairly easy for me to do because I already wear the VS bombshell bra, so there won't be a drastic noticeable difference after my BA (I am assuming). I am doing the transaxillary (sp?) placement so I also don't think most people would associate armpit scars to breast augmentation. Lying seems like the safe route, because I don't want anyone to think of me differently or make up assumptions about my relationship with my fiancé.
On the other hand, I am generally a very confident woman and I pride myself on my honesty and openness. I am not ashamed of my BA, so I don't feel like I should have to lie about it. I want to own it, be proud of it, be an ambassador for it. I want to share my experiences with those around me. This is one of the biggest and most exciting decisions I have made in my life and it seems unnatural to just act like it never happened.
So here I sit. 13 days to go!
Finally got the nerve..
I finally got the courage to put up a before picture without the bikini top. They are even smaller with nothing on! :(
I think my boobs are great, just really really really tiny. So I am even more confident that I will like the results.
I just need Sept. 5th to get here already!!
Thinking of all the really important stuff..
Okay, this seems so minor and random, but I am getting my implants through the transax incision. Due to this, I will need to keep from lifting my arms as much as possible.. So today I was thinking... How am I going to do my hair?? I know this seems so insignificant but, really, I can't even make a ponytail without lifting my arms above my head.
My fiancé will make a great nurse, and he already offered to wash my hair for me, but I don't think it is within his skill set to blow dry, straighten or style hair (although, wouldn't that be magnificent).
We better start practicing pony tails now.
Otherwise, it is safe to say I will look like a hot mess... With really nice boobs. ;)
This just in...
So, I asked my PS what size I am planning to get (since so many people have asked, and I have been clueless). He said be will be taking two sizes into surgery....drum roll... 375cc and 400cc.
I was relived to hear this because for some reason I had 500cc in my mind and I was getting worried this would be way too big. As for the two sizes he says he will decide in surgery which looks best to achieve my goals. I am sure some girls wouldn't feel comfortable not knowing exactly what they are getting before hand, but I honestly feel comforted knowing that my doctor has the freedom to make a judgement call. He is the professional after all.
Now that I know the sizes I think I might try some rice sizers to check things out again.
Hurry up sept. 5th!
In my anticipation, I have found it somewhat amusing to take pictures of how pathetic and small y boobs are now (see example above). Lol!
I am really a confident woman, but this look has got to go!
Rice sizer FAIL.
Upon receiving the size information yesterday I immediately went out to the store to buy some rice. I got home, re-watched the tutorial and started cutting up pantyhose. I carefully filled each stocking to my desired 400ccs.
I don't know if I did something wrong or if I am just not imaginative enough to visualize these rice balls as real implants, but these things were not helpful. It just looked really silly.
They were really stiff and always want to revert back to their original cylindrical shape. (Maybe I should have stretched them out more beforehand? Or tried a tighter sports bra?). I struggled with them for quite a while attempting to take a picture before throwing in the towel.
In any event, It was at least funny.. And gave me something to do for a good 30 minutes.
400cc too big?
I am sure everyone goes through this, but I am starting to get really anxious about if I am going with a good size. My PS is taking 375cc and 400cc into surgery, but from what I have seen on this site, both of these seem pretty big.
I don't want people to look at me and think "oh she has big boobs" in fact, I don't want my boobs to stand out in any way. I just want to have a nice, balanced, curvy figure. So I realize that a D cup may be appropriate for my body size ( 5'6" 155lbs.) but I really don't want to be a DD. From what I have seen on this site, some girls are a DDD and larger from sizes even smaller than 400ccs. So I am getting nervous.
The only thing keeping me from a total meltdown is that I know, no matter what, my PS is not going to make me look ridiculous. I trust him entirely, and I was very clear about wanting to look natural. I guess I am just worried that my idea of natural is smaller than what I chose.
Either way, in 5 days I will have boobs, and I could not be any happier about that!
I am overflowing with excitement. It's such an odd feeling to know in a couple short days my dreams will be realized. I will be "complete", the way I have always envisioned myself. What a true blessing.
My fiancé is more helpful than I could have ever dreamed. He truly thrives in the role of caretaker and he has already gone above an beyond. I haven't even had surgery yet but he insists on waiting on me hand and foot. He also took it upon himself to research and purchase everything I would need to be comfortable. He came home with every thing from frozen peas, to bendy straws, slippers, soup, crackers, little pb&j sandwich things and palmers coca butter. He also arranged everything in the pantry to be on the lower shelves. Not to mention, cleaned the house. He is really out of this world incredible. I am constantly blown away by him.
I have been so worried about how all of this is wearing on him emotionally. I know the thought of me in surgery is not easy. Especially for the sake of boobs, which he is not even a fan of. He has always said he liked small boobs (probably because that's what I have), so I am still unsure how he will react to me having large ones. Whether he likes them or not, his compassion and eagerness to help me through this reassures me that he will be happy as long as I am happy.
So it looks like everything is in order. I could not he happier or more sure of my decision. I am still nervous about the size, but it's easy to keep those little anxieties on the back burner. For the most part, I am completely calm and prepared.
I hope the rest of you ladies are having a great Labor Day!!
How do I change my Dr.'s name? I accidentally started typing my update there and now it won't change... :/
Back to work...
..and back in the bombshell super padded bra, but not for long!!!! Ahh!!! I am so excited!!!!!!!
Got my prescriptions today. Now all I have to do is wax my underarms. We'll see how that goes.
Last Minute Thoughts on Breast Implants and Feminism.
So this entry may not be helpful for those wondering what to expect in their journey, but it will be helpful for me at least… to get my thoughts out there before this all goes down.
Recently I went to a bachelorette party, it was a lingerie party so it seemed like the opportune time to confess that I was days away from getting implants. Boy was I wrong. I am surprised how many other women, even my own friends, can’t understand why I am doing this.
One of the girls assured me, “..but Natalie, beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. It doesn’t matter if you have big boobs or not”. Exactly, I couldn’t agree more. Similar to how it doesn’t matter whether your hair is brown or blonde. And despite being born with brown hair, you like the way your hair looks blonde, which is why you continue to spend money dying it to your preference. I just so happen to like my boobs better when they are larger. I am not trying to “fix” myself (as some women have implied), and I am not trying to conform to some standard of what society deems sexy, and I am certainly not trying to do this to impress a man. I am simply improving upon the foundation I have, and aligning physical appearance with the way I want myself to look.
See, I would consider myself a feminist. I am not a “man-hater” or anything like that, I am just passionate about women’s issues. Somehow, people find it hard to believe that someone like myself would dare consider plastic surgery. They have it in their heads that this is demeaning, or cowardly (or something else I don’t see). But the truth of the matter is: I know what I want, and I am making it happen. I don’t see what could be more empowering than that.
Certainly not everything about this industry is so harmless. I am not a fan of the over-sexualization of young women, and breasts. I also feel terribly for those women who are getting their implants to please someone else, or to try and solve all of their problems. Recently, I have also seen (on this site especially) women who equate boobs with “becoming a woman”. It seems like there are so many posts saying, “I can’t wait to feel like a woman”, or “I am tired of feeling like a little girl/boy”. How much of a woman you are is not determined by your breast size. You ARE a woman. You are powerful, you are valuable, and you are BEAUTIFUL - no matter what.
So never feel guilty about your choices. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel your personal best. I hope all the beautiful women out there are feeling fierce tonight! :)
..One more day!
..To my little boobies and giant padded bras.
5 Sep 2013
Day of treatment
I am up at 4am.. Leaving the house at 5am.
I over estimated the time it would take to get ready. It turns out it is much faster getting ready when you don't have to do your makeup or hair. Now it's 4:15 am and I am already ready to get a move on.
Please let this go well.
The other side!
5 Sep 2013
Day of treatment
It's done!! I feel like a million bucks. More detailed review to follow
My experience so far
5 Sep 2013
Day of treatment
I had my surgery scheduled for 5:45. We arrived at the surgery center. I'll be honey, it looked super sketchy and made me nervous. We were the only car in the parking lot and it was stilled ark outside and everything looked really Scary.
However, once inside everyone was very sweet. We went I've the paperwork and signed some documents. They a nurse called me back. They took a urine sample, have me three pills to swallow and I changed into the provided socks, hair net, and robe.
Then I was laid in bed and the iv was put in my hand. I was super nervous about this part, I have never done this before. However, it was not bad, first the numb the vein with a tiny needle, and then when they stick in the big iv you can't feel it.
Then my fiancé came in and the doctor came in and marked me up. I said goodbye to my fiancé as they wheeled me into the operating room.
By this time I was already feeling kinda loopy, but I was awake. Then they put on an oxygen mask and I was out.
Next thing I know in am waking up and the nurse is offering sprite- so refreshing!! Fortunately, I felt great. Most girls feel a heavy pressure on their chest. I did not have this feeling. I felt completely normal. The incisions in my armpits were a little pain, but after more medicine I can't feel that either. I also did not get sick or nauseous . So far I am not in any pain and I have ice packs on my boobs. My PS said he'll call me back later tonight to see how I'm doing and schedule a follow up.
These things are wrapped up so much. I can't wait to get a peek!
Bandages off tomorrow.
5 Sep 2013
Day of treatment
My ps normally keeps girls wrapped up for a few days but he said I would be fine to have them removed tomorrow! Yay!!
I have a post op visit here soon in order to remove the bandages. I can't wait to see what they look like.
Also, the day of surgery I felt totally normal. Today I definitely feel sore, but its nothing more than the same soreness of going to the gym and doing a bench press or something. Whenever the muscles flex is when I really feel it.
I don't feel constipated or anything like that, but my stomach is HUGE! Very odd.
I for my bandages off today (that was a little painful! Now I am in a bra my doctor gave me. I am still using ice packs almost constantly, and I also the the compression strap on now.
I will take some pictures as soon as I have the guys to take this bra off.
So far they seem really small, but hopefully as they drop and fluff things will be looking better.
Second day post op.
I have been feeling really good all along. No morning boob, and not really any pain. (Surely this is due to the medicines, which i am talking full advantage of. I am numb on the insides on my arm, but other than that everything feels really normal.
I know I need to keep wearing this compression strap, but that is the most annoying thing. I am ready to not feel so restricted.
Also, I still feel like try look really small but I am going to stay positive and hope things will fluff up a bit. In addition to looking small, my nipples look really puffy. I'm hoping that will work itself out too.
Day 3 blues
I really thought I was not going to have to deal with any crazy emotions through this process, since I am normally very emotionally stable. But that is not exactly the case today. (And I feel it my duty to share a realistic picture of everything I'm going through, even when it's not pretty.)
I'm not sad, or depressed, but I sure am grumpy. I am just tired of feeling uncomfortable (I am sure this is a sign I won't handle pregnancy well). I am so bloated, every part of my body seems swelled up. It also doesn't help that I have not been able to use the bathroom yet. Also, I started my period (sorry tmi) yesterday which only made me more bloated and more grumpy. My butt literally hurts from siting on it all day (and sleeping sitting up). I am also not getting a ton of sleep due to the fact that I can't lay down. I have to keep this compression strap and surgical bra on and they both make me feel soo restricted. The bloating and constipation along with these constricting garments are making me feel like my body is filling up inside my skin and ready to explode! Currently I also have a horrible headache (not sure if that's from the medicine or pms) but it does not help.
I am still really nervous that they are too small. I am feeling like when I go back to work I may have to wear my bombshell bra again so people don't think my boobs shrunk.
I really appreciate all the support and encouragement from you guys. I know that everything will end up better. (Or at least I hope), but today I just can't get out of this funk.
At least tomorrow is Monday and I can call my PS. I am planning to schedule another follow up on Tuesday. Hopefully those things will reinvigorate me.
Also, on the positive side, they are much softer than I thought they'd be this early on. So that's good.
Phew! I've been having a rough few days. I never knew bloating and constipation could be so exhausting!! But finally I was able to use the bathroom (sorry tmi) which instantly gave me some relief, I am still bloated but it's much more manageable. I also took my first shower, and there is something about a shower that is just so rejuvenating. It improved my whole mood, and seeing my new boobs all glistening in the water made me a lot more appreciative. I was critical or their size but once this bloating subsides, I think they are going to be perfect! I am so excited for the coming weeks to see them change.
Thank you ladies for all your support. I am glad I had a supportive place to vent my frustrations. Now I can let the fun part begin!
So I had a follow up with my PS yesterday. Everything looks pretty good. I am off the medicine, I have no bruising and no frankenboob. So these are all very positive. Plus, my bloating has gone down significantly. Over this week I have gained 13 pounds and lost 9 of it. Crazy!
My PS has me wearing this terrible bra for the next week. Along with continuing the compression band.
Currently I am obsessing over size. Although I like the size in bathing suits, my boobs seem to disappear under clothing. Since I have been wearing the bombshell bra, which looks quite big under clothing, I am going to look like I had a reduction! I am really nervous about this. Some if the girls at work know I got implants, and I am sure they are expecting me to stroll into work looking different, but not SMALLER. I can't believe I didn't think of that when I was choosing the size. I was so concerned about then being natural and conservative that I forgot that I wore a giant bra every day. Maybe I'll still wear it, or maybe I will try to lose some weight and blame it on that..
Phew! We made it! One week post op!
It has been a roller coaster for me, but I feel like I have made it the through the hard part.
I went back to work today, Everything went well. (All I do is sit at a desk) but I did need help with little things (like opening my can of soup) but all in all I made it through without any medication or pain. Yay!!
I have to wait another week before I can get this tape off and wear a different bra, but I think it will fly by!
Soo, at officially 1 week and 1 day post op the tape (or whatever it is) that has been covering my incision fell off of my left arm.
The incision looks so crazy! In a bad way. I feel like other people's incisions are looking pretty smooth at this point. Mine is a stitched up, Frankenstein mess!
Also, I feel like I should call my PS to see if I should be doing something special in caring for my incision, but it's the weekend (and certainly not urgent enough to bug my PS) so I will just have to be a nervous nelly a while longer.
Unexpected side effects
I feel like I may seem like a big complainer in all these posts. So I should mention, I really am happy I did this. I am still 100% confident that I will love the results.
That being said, recovery has sure has its ups and downs. I felt relatively prepared for those things you hear about on here: pressure, tightness, soreness, and morning boob. But there have been a few things that completely caught me off guard.
The first major side effect that I was totally not prepared for was the extreme bloating and weight gain. It was intense!! I gained 13 pounds in A DAY (or maybe two), and my stomach was giant! Feeling fat is already hard enough for me, but feeling so fat that you could actually explode is just torture!
Recently I have been experiencing my second, unexpected, unpleasant side effect: skin sensitivity. I had heard girls complaining of extreme nipple sensitivity, and I suppose this is basically the same thing... Just not on my nipples. I have random patches of skin around my incisions that are extremely sensitive. The areas cover the underside of my arm, around to the front side of my arm and on the right side also extends onto my chest (between my collar bone and arm pit). It's the strangest feeling, not quite painful, but like all the little nerve endings are burning/ tingling. The slightest touch can set it off, from my hair rushing against it to even just the air from the fan.
I started to google this, and it seems like it is pretty common with any surgery , so that made me feel better, but I am surprised I never saw anyone on here talk about it. (Maybe I am the only whimp who is bothered by it.). In any case, I hope this goes away soon, and doesn't signal anything bad ( like an infection or something!).
I see my PS Thursday and hopefully he will have some good news.
Hope all you ladies are doing well!
So you should all know by now that I am a worrier, but tonight I ha a true emergency. I can't get a hold of my PS, I called his office twice, starting at 7:15pm (it's now 8:51 with no response). I went to the emergency clinc just to make sure I am not going to die, but I am really afraid that I may have fucked up my boobs.
Basically, while at work, on the phone, I was casually leaning on my elbow. Apparently I was putting too much weight on it for too long or something, because by the time I hung up the phone, I could not move my left arm. Furthermore, I felt the excruciating pain of my muscle cramping, like a huge Charlie horse across my chest. Upon touching the area I discover that the entire left side of my chest is bulging up, all the way from my boob to my collar bone. It looks as if I have a giant ballon inflated under my skin. I thought at first that the implant was displaced and moved up. But my breat is still full and looks the same size. When I noticed this I mediately reached into my purse to get a muscle relaxer, since I couldn't open it with my one functional arm I had to walk to the next isle of cubicles where someone was who could open it. On my way, after about four steps, I fainted! So scary!!!! I drank some water ASAP, and took the muscle relaxer. Then I left work and headed to the emergency room.
At the little emergency clinic they said I really need to contact my PS asap but that it shouldn't be life threatening. They suggested a hot compress.
I attached a picture but its kids hard to tell what's going on.
I just reall really hope I didn't mess up my implants!
Pray for me
Just heard back from the PS. He said I need to come in at 8am tomorrow and will probably need a reoperation!
I am so scared and disappointed. :( crying myself to sleep tonight.
That's the verdict. I have a hematoma and I will be having another operation today to clear it out and put a drain in.
Basically it appears that I have somehow blown out a blood vessel or vein (or something like that) and there is bleeding under the muscle, in the tunnel they put the implant through (between my armpit and boob).
So there we have it. Another week off work. Another $1200 in surgery center fees (luckily my PS isn't charging anything at all, but you've gotta pay the anesthesiologist and all that).
Starting from square one. (Mostly)
What are the chances this would happen to me? I have been taking it so easy. I don't have little kids, I have a desk job, I haven't tried to work out, or drive, or anything.
The Internet says the chances of developing this are about 1%. Lucky me.
I feel like a total failure. How could I have let this happen. I thought I was so careful.
:( :( :(
Out of surgery
So I just got out of surgery to remove the hematoma.
They didn't give me pain meds before surgery so I woke up in excruciating pain! I cried. It was definitely a 10 on the pain scale.
I just got back home and took some meds, hopefully they'll kick in. I am still around a 7/8 pain level.
Not to mention, the drain attached to my body is a lot bigger than expected. It's the size of a large lemon. I'll post pictures once I can.
I took another full week off work so that hopefully I can recover properly.
This is quite the setback.
Also, my fiancé is not taking this very well. I'm not sure if he is mad, or frustrated, or just worried but he is very upset and won't talk about it at all.
Thank you all so much for your kind comments. That is really the only positive thing I've got going right now, so thank you.
The silver lining
So even though Its no fun to have another surgery, I am so grateful that I did. The more research I've done on hematoma the more thankful I am that my doctor was so quick to resolve this.
I have read that some doctors just leave it alone and wait for it to hopefully go away. The problem with that method is that your chances on capsular contracture skyrocket.
So even though this is a sucky situation, I realIze it could be A LOT worse. Plus, when its all said and done i should be left with normal results.
Now I just have to take it super easy, deal with the extra pain, and hope that this will all be behind me very soon.
Thank you again for all of your support ladies! It is invaluable having this community of support to help me trough this.
Happy healing! Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Not a good time for allergies..
I just read somewhere that this hematoma (internal bleeding) could be caused by something as simple as a big sneeze.
I have sneezed 5 times since learning that information.. Now i am terrified to sneeze!
On the brighter side, I feel like this may not have been entirely my fault. Which is comforting to know.
The little things
This time around I am feeling awful. I am getting shooting pains, burning sensations and general soreness/ achenes. I am trying my very best to be positive.
Despite all the pain, I had a beautiful moment with my fiancé today.
When I woke up he lead my into the "princess beauty salon" as he called it. He had a chair set against the sink with pillows and a towel rolled under my neck. He has a speaker playing Coldplay songs and he proceeded to wash my hair.
I am not very good at giving up control and having someone else take care of me, but this experience was so perfect. He was so careful making sure no water got in my ears or on my face and took time to massage my head. Something about it was very romantic.
I am so grateful for him. Even though he is as disappointed as I am about this hematoma, he definitely knows how to be sweet and comforting.
I am so happy to have him. I am filled with gratitude and appreciation.
I will make it through this.
Why wear a shirt when you've got bandages? This is my outfit today. I am liking the size, hopefully once I am unwrapped and wearing a real shirt they will still be this size.
I am having every form of painful reaction that I've read about on here, quick pings of pain, shooting pain, extreme skin sensitivity, soreness, burning feeling, feeling of gurgling or bubbling under the skin, and of course constipation (but thankfully not nearly as much bloating and weight gain as the original surgery).
In any case, I am feeling great today (emotionally). Yesterday's hair washing and all the kind words from you all have really helped me out.
Today my fiancé is out doing wedding stuff, (meeting with the planner and the dj) since I am not really up for going anywhere.. Or even putting on clothes.
I am so grateful, and I am so excited.
(If time could just speed up a little.-that'd be great).
Happy healing girls! Stay positive!
If we are being honest... (TMI Alert)
(I will probably regret that I posted this..)
I am so sexually frustrated! I know no one wants to know this, but I have to get it off my chest. With everything that's been going on I am being extra careful and that means no bedroom action with my man. That's proving to be pretty frustrating.
When deciding to get boobs I obviously fantasized about how incredible they will be during love making... I never imagined there would be no love making for a month!! Maybe longer!
A girl has got needs, but I am way too paranoid to fulfill them. Ugh!!
Bandages off.. Round two
So I had a follow up appt. with my Dr. Today. He removed my bandages again. It's like getting a full body wax, but in slow motion. So painful.
Anyway, my left side was still a bit more swollen than my right, so the drain has to stay a while longer. For some reason having the drain without being all wrapped up makes me way more paranoid that I am going to accidentally pull it out. I am literally afraid to move my left arm at all. ( but according to my PS I should not be moving my arms anyway).
I have a new prescription to take, an anti-inflammatory of some sort.
Also, I was told no activity! That means no sex! But I'll be honest, after my appointment I am feeling far less sexy.
I've got this grandma bra back on, not to mention sticky patches of ashesive all over. I haven't showered in 5 days (doctors orders) and this drain of fluid coming out my armpit. Also. I just noticed since I haven't been showering... I haven't shaved my legs, which look awful by now. And to top it off, when my fiance washed my hair he didnt style it, so it is a big frizzy nightmare. All in all, I am a huge mess! I never knew having implants would be so unsexy!!
I have another appointment on Thursday. So hopefully the drain will be out then. And hopefully I will be feeling a little more comfortable. I am ready to get my life back on track.
The drain is gone!
Whew! I am starting to feel a little more like a human being now that my drain has been removed. I was terrified to have it done, the thought of having this drain pulled out of my body made me shiver. It ended up being a peice of cake though. My fiancé even filmed it (weirdo).
I still am supposed to not shower for another day. (For those of you keeping track, that will actually be 9 days without a shower- ick!!!). I am still super restricted as far as my arm movements go, and I am still wearing this band and granny bra.
I will be returning to work on Monday. I am a little scared about this. I obviously still don't feel "normal" and I clearly am not totally healed... I just don't want to mess this up again.
All in all though, it is looking up. I know this will all be past me in due time.
Happy healing to all my other ladies!
Tell me this doesn't look messed up
Today I took off my bra to get in the shower (finally!!) and my left Brest is totally misshaped. It seems subtle in the picture but in the mirror the difference is drastic. So in on my left side (the one furthest from the puppy) can you see how the left Brest isn't round at the bottom? I am not sure if this is something to be worried about (but of course I am worried anyway). Can any of you shed some light on this??
Not much to update
Things are about the same with me, still wearing the strap (ugh!) and still waiting on the left boob to catch back up with the right.
My PS recommended taking the underwire out of the left side of my bra to make sure that nothing is hindering it from dropping. I am hoping that will do the trick. I can never quite capture it in a picture but the left side is definitely more bulged up at the top.
I wish there was some kind of trick to get it back on track with the right side.
That's all for now. Hope you all are well!
3 weeks post hematoma
Hello ladies! I just looked at the calendar and realized its been 3 weeks since my hematoma. (An over a month since my first surgery)Can this be true? This time has flown.
I am feeling a lot better. Other than the fact that the left side is still pretty swollen, I feel back to normal. My right side is feeling completely natural at this point. I mean, sometimes it still gets a little stuff, but for the most part it moves and feels physically like a natural boob would (not that I have much experience with large natural boobs). Also my right arm feels 100%, I feel like I can move it and lift things to the same ability I could before surgery (although I Feel like I COULD do these things, I haven't been. I am trying to be extra obedient).
Things I miss doing:
Stretching my arms up in the morning
Sleeping on my side/ cuddling with my man
Picking up my puppy
Carrying my purse
Wearing a non-button up shirt
Driving my car
Shaving my underarms
Wearing a low-cut shirt (without a huge electric strap showing
Doing my hair
Wearing a non-grandma bra
^that was probably not productive. I should focus on the positives, but lets just say I have more appreciation for the little things I was able to do previously. Side note, notice that sex was not on that list. I had to break that rule. I just couldn't take it.
Time has flown but, it needs to fly a little faster. I have so many things coming up in the near future ( aka, being a bridesmaid in 2 weddings, attending several others, and having to be be photographed for my own). It would be nice to be looking and feeling my best during these events. But I will take it in stride and continue to try to convince my body that it is healed.
Thank you ladies for your support. I love reading all of your stories. Have a great day
Follow up tomorrow
So, I will have another appointment with my PS tomorrow. I am really eager to see what he says.
I am feeling better, just wishing my left side could feel as good as my right. As I mention in my last post, my right side is really doing great. I didn't expect I to be so jiggly and soft so quickly. I am in love! Sometimes I think they could be bigger (mainly after looking at this site) but realistically I think they are perfectly what I wanted. I liked kind of small boobs, just not as small as I had previously (because I had nothing!). For me, i think smaller boobs help me look a bit thinner. So I am feeling super confident that this is the best size I could have gone with.
In other news, this weekend I went to the state fair of Texas. If you are bor familiar with the texas state fair all you need to know is that there is a ton of food and all of it is fried. It's a competition to see who can come up with the most ridiculous gluttonous fried concoction. We are talking everything from fried candy bars, to fried bacon, fried butter, fried coke and lemonade, even a fried thanksgiving dinner! It's bizarre. But, naturally, I had to partake.
I kid you not, I ate all of the following things in one afternoon...
-turkey leg (not fried but gigantic)
-corn on the cob (also not fried but very buttery)
- fried s'mores
-fried chocolate chip burrito (cho. Chip cookie sought in a tortilla and fried)
- fried red velvet cupcake
Needless to say, that ridiculous feast, along with the fact that I haven't been able to work out for a month has left me feeling quite large. I was hoping to get my arms all nice and toned for my wedding. They are really going in the opposite direction. Oops.
I took some pictures tonight. Please disregard the shiny boobs, I started putting coco butter oil stuff on them.
Have a great night!
Oh I forgot to mention the best part!
So today my fiancé took me out shopping,since I am still not driving, and I desperately need a dress for a friends wedding this weekend.
This was no easy task! But I managed to find a dress that had this keyhole neckline, which was perfect because I could still manage to wear my granny bra and elastic strap underneath (like a good girl) while still getting a little peak of cleavage. Plus, the rest of the dress fit like a glove, a very flattering glove! Even though I am feeling pudgy, this dress made it all go away (add a pair of spanx and I will be killing it!)
Anyway, the point of the story is when I came out to show my fiancé, he said, "wow!! Is that all you?!, no padding?"
Hallelujah!! Hallelujah!! Yes!! It was all me!!!
After years of seeing me in mega padded bombshell bras, and other stuffed contraptions, for the first time, he saw my figure and it was all me!
I can not describe how vindicated I felt. This is exactly why I wanted this, this is why it's all worth it. This was the moment. This is what I had always longed for. And it was perfect.
You may wonder how I have had these things for a month and not already has this moment...but mind you, I have pretty much been wearing pajamas, ill fitting button up shirts, and hoodies.
This was the very first time either of us really got to see my new curves. The first time I have filled out a dress properly- without having to figure out how many socks it will take.
I am walking on a cloud!
I'm a free woman!!!
Feeling so liberated!!
Doctors visit went great! He said no more strap!!! Plus, I can do things, like workout and drive and sleep laying down.
This is fantastic news!
He said the left side is still more firm than what he would like, so I will now be doing some "massaging" basically jamming the implant down as hard as I possibly can for 1 minute 2 times a day. Easy.
Plus I feel a bit ahead of the game because I had been kind of doing this on my own. Not nearly to the same degree of force, but I had figured that if the idea of the band was to push my implant down, than using my hands to apply some extra pressure couldn't hurt. Now it turns out I am supposed to be doing this (but much more aggressively).
Also, I am switching from the granny bra back to the original post op bra, which is kind of like wearing nothing. Also easy.
I feel like the world is full of possibilities! I can't wait to sleep laying down, drive my car, Get some excerisce going, Wear a shirt that doesn't button up, Wash my own hair! Oh boy. I cant wait to get to it!
What a happy day, I'm so glad it's here!
Little black dress
Pictures oh the dress I mentioned a few days ago. I wore it to my friends wedding and I couldn't have been more confident!! Finally filled it out with no padding!
I did have to be careful not to life my arms though, my scars are still a bit scary looking.
What a difference 2 days make
My incisions are a lot less scary today
6weeks post op/ 4 weeks post hematoma
Just wanted to add some quick photos. Things are going really well. My left (hematoma) side is still being stubborn with softening up and dropping down. I honestly wouldn't have a problem with it if I didn't already know how awesome my right side is. The right side gets more an more natural every day. It's super soft and giggles when I brush my teeth. Lol.
What's weird is how sometimes my boobs can be really soft and other times they seem really hard and stiff. I did some stretching/light yoga the other day and noticed they were really soft after that, and times that I have a busy or stressful day they get really hard. So strange.
I have other great news! So I am still required to wear the post op bra, but while I was out at the mall I figured it couldn't hurt to get measured at Victoria's Secret. And... Drumroll..... I'm a 34DD. I sure do love the sound of that! Plus, being in a real bra made them look way bigger and better than I've been swim in this postop bra I've been in. What a difference a bra makes!!
Also, my fiancé and I took our engagement pictures this weekend. I wore this little dress with no bra that really made the girls look nice (hopefully not too va-va-voom!).
I hope everyone else is doing well!
It's getting better all the time..
Things are going slowly but surely. Not much at all to undate.. Just some pictures.
So recently I have been feeling a little less optimistic about this left side. I am not sad. I still think it looks great and I think I could be happy if it stys this way.
So I am not saying I am disappointed, I am just saying... I don't think all these pills and pushing and straps and special bras are going to ever accomplish anything.
My PS has me on a new antibiotic and an anti inflammatory, and I am also doing supposed to push my left implant down for 1 minute twice a day. All in hopes that it will soften and drop. Last night I confirmed what I had felt all along, when I am pushing on the implant it is not moving downward at all. It's like it hits a brick wall at the bottom of my breast. No matter how hard I push, the implant just bulges out further around the middle, but it never moves past that hard solid cotton area. I tried taking a picture to demonstrate.
Have any of you ladies experienced this with your "massages"? My right side is already so soft that I can move it up and down with ease, but maybe this is normal in the beginning stages of massaging? Maybe it's just supposed to be a very subtle movement?
Like I mentioned, I still like the way it looks, and the lopsidedness doesn't even bother me too much because in a bra or bathing suit I could lift my right side to the same level. What bothers me though is that I am getting more concerned that this is capsular contracture, or a permanent problem that is only going to get worse. I also hate the thought that it may be stiff forever. For now I am trying not to think of that. I am trying to stay hopeful. But it's getting tricky.
The dress that started it all..
15 Nov 2013
2 months post
Okay, I can't say "started it all" because I have wanted boobs FOREVER, but it was the night I tried to wear this dress that I finally decided to take action. It was also the night my fiancé understood why.
I Loved this dress, but when I tried to wear it it was a disaster. I tried everything to find a way to stuff boobs in there. I was using duct tape, weird sticky bras, safety pins -anything- to make it look like I somewhat had boobs under there. I ended up wearing the dress with my bombshell bra and pinning the front together enough to cover the bra. Basically, defeating the whole purpose of the thing (and making me self concious the entire night).
So here I am today. Exactly what I wanted! I have spent so much time stressing over the tiniest imperfections, that I haven't been able to fully appreciate the fact that I HAVE BOOBS!!!!!! It's glorious. What I have always wanted. I absolutely love them. I feel sexy constantly. Plus I can wear saucy little dresses without a bra! Hallelujah!
This is the end of being stressed over a small little difference. Even if the left side never drops, I am worlds above where I started.
Just some fun
18 Nov 2013
2 months post
It's nice to go to work and think "dang my rack looks good". Just had to stealthily take a picture. :)
Totally 100% worth it!!
21 Jan 2014
4 months post
I apologize for being so absent recently. I've been wedding planning mostly and my boobs are doing just great so there is never much to update about.
Today though, I decided I needed to reiterate how completely worth it I think this surgery was.
Sometimes I think "man, it would be nice to have that $6000+ back..." But not as nice as having boobs! I am telling you, my life is so changed. I was always confident that this is what I wanted but I never knew what a sense of relief I would feel at this point. I feel so complete. I don't have to hide anymore. It's so wonderful. So for anyone having doubts, I can't say what is right for you, but if you know it's what you want then go for it!
5 months! (Sorry it's been so long!)
13 Feb 2014
5 months post
I feel bad for not updating as much recently, but there isn't too much to update.
A while back I posted about buying a new bra... It turns out that was a no-no. I got in big trouble from my PS. So I am back wearing a granny bra. It wouldn't be so bad except that my 34DD boobs (according to Victoria secret) are crammed into a 34C bra. The idea is to keep my right side from dropping too low. In the mean time a small bra makes for small looking boobs under a shirt, but I suppose it's a small sacrifice. I know what's truly there, and I still show off when necessary. :)
Other than that, it's really hard to believe that all of this transformation has happened in only 5 months. I'll be honest ladies, it seems like forever! I feel like I have been through so much and now I'm back to normal all in 5 months!
I am also still waiting for these scars to fade more. My wedding is in August (6 months) , so hopefully by then they will be barely noticeable. Fingers crossed.
That's about it. I feel totally back to normally, well better than normal! There is no explaining the satisfaction and fulfillment I feel knowing I have boobs!! :) seriously though.
I hope you are all feeling great, and staying warm!
6 months post!
21 Mar 2014
6 months post
Ladies! It's almost bikini season, I am so excited (there's something women don't say too often). I can't express enough how incredible it feels. I feel complete! And what a difference this makes in a bikini!
Wedding dress and waist training?
Hello! So I've been super busy with wedding stuff (obviously). It's only 3 months away now!
I found this new thing online while searching for undergarments for my wedding dress. Have any of you ever heard of waist training, or corset training? The idea is that you wear a corset often, like 8hrs a day, and it will eventually make your wait smaller (since it's so used to being smushed in). I found a cheap ($8) corset online and thought I'd give it a shot.
So I also added some pictures of the corset I bought, and my first day wearing it. It's only been about 2 hours, but so far so good. :)
Also, I finally put a picture of my wedding dress!! It's from when I fist tried it on , and before I had my boobs, so it's completely the wrong size and I am holding it on myself, but you'll get the idea.
Also, my boobs are great! No complaints. Oh wait. I have run into one "big boob problem" . Boob sweat! Here in Texas it is already 90 degrees, and I have found I sweat between my boobs, which then causes me to break out. Yuck! I need to find a solution to that. Any ideas?
Happy healing everyone! Hope you're enjoying your girls :)
11 Jul 2014
10 months post
So, there has been less and less for me to update about. Everything is so good, with my boobs especially. They feel so natural, and look so natural. I can go without a bra, even in public, and look totally normal.
I also had someone ask me recently if I can lay on my side or stomach, Yes! At this point I can lay however I want and feel fine.
In fact, it's better than before! I was tanning, laying on my stomach and I noticed my boobs kind of prop my upper body up enough to where I can rest my forehead down flat without amushing my face. (Does that make sense). In the past my chest layers so flat on the ground that there was no way to face straight down. Is have to lift my chin and it was a mess.
So anyway, today I got a spray tan, and while it's still a little severe (I haven't showered yet to get the orangey look off)... I think the boobs look even better all tanned!! So I took some pictures :)
Just some wedding pictures
I couldn't help but share. A few pictures of boobs in my dress. :)