Promised a Dream.... Delivered a Nightmare. Beware. Trust Your Instincts. Please READ - Fayette, AL

I've never been one to have hate for another person, but Dr Bolling has tested me in this avenue of my life. He's ruined almost every aspect of my life. He's ruined my body, he's ruined me financially, he's ruined my sex life(I'm numb everwhere), I've gained 100 pounds since the surgery he botched. He's almost destroyed me. I will not let him win. This has shown me what's important in life. I've been every weight from 125 to 305, from a size 2 to a size 26. In the end all that matters is your heart. If you're not happy with who you are inside, then none of that will ever matter. I've faced many challenges in my life but nothing has ever compared to this. STILL I RISE.

My comments are meant to warn you of a sheep in wolve's clothing. He can play all the Christian music in his office he wants. He can suck you up to your face all day, but in the end he is not a good person. It's been over a year and I've literally been through hell. He's still never callled me. The last time he talked to me was October of last year when he told me nothing was wrong with me and then one week later, I had a huge abdominal wall abscess infected with MRSA and which I almost became septic. HE KNOWS THIS. HE'S NEVER CARED.

I decided I can let this make me better or make me bitter. I've been very bitter, but I'm done with that. I'm going to make sure it makes me better now. This will not destroy me.

Had a wound care center visit yesterday. it was a little smaller. I think they said 4.3x2.4, with the deepest undermining at ~2cm. I'll post a pic from yesterday. I know it's healing because at one point it was 10x5. It's just getting smaller and more difficult to see visually. So sometimes that's discouraging, because at first there were such major visual changes. I'm of course having to do all my vacuum dressing changes now. Which is hard....but I'm getting really good at it. Especially since I'm just a labor and delivery nurse. I'd never even seen a wound vac before I got one. lol I Rarely ever have a leak anymore. Who knows.... maybe I'll have a future in wound care. ;-)
Anyway, I can feel how it is sealing down on the inside, which is cool. The top of the wound was more like a windshield wiper with the deepest area being 5 cm and was undermined about 1 cm at the bottom. Now it's completely sealed at the bottom and sealed down on both sides on the top to more like a small triangle right in the middle. It's just a slow process, even with the wound vac. I was afraid it was getting infected again, because when I take off the vac dressing, the smell is horrendous. I was told though, this is normal. Goody....i get to smell bad too. He said the wound itself looked great, very pink and healthy. He was very satisfied with my progress.
Tonight will be my first night back to work. I am an Rn who works a very physical job in labor and delivery with sometimes very long hours. I was so hoping to be done with the vac by then but I'm not. I'm not. I have to have it and I have to accept it and it's gonna be ok. It has to be, right?
I have completely used up all my FMLA time. So i have no other choice. It's gonna be difficult because it was before, but tonight for sure because my back has started hurting from wearing the vacuum around all the time. So I'm sure this night is going to be physically painful. Not to mention, it's embarassing. People try not to stare but I can see their eyes glance at it. I know they wonder what it is on me, but they never ask. it's ok though. Its gonna be ok. Somehow it always is.
Hey..... it's almost Christmas! We put up our tree last night. it is pretty and made get a little more Christmas spirit. Feel sorry for my children sometimes. This entire thing has sucked the life out of me. I know they aren't getting all of me. So even though i was so exhausted and overwhelmed last night, I did what I promised and I helped my baby girl put up our tree to Christmas music. Oh and her elves came back last night. She was happy about that.
So with that said, you know i've only worked 3 weeks in the last 4 months. It's been very financially hard. I paint and have opened an etsy store with some crafts and paintings. It's helped to keep food on the table, for real. Many nights, I've fed my children with money I'd been paid from making ornaments. The addresss is www.etsy.com/shop/butterflybrushstroke. Look it up. I got some cute stuff listed.
My children know it's been hard finacially for us and have asked for very little this year. Lucky to have my husband who has been and is AMAZING. I can never repay him for all hes done for me. We're lucky to have his income but we are only able to pay things to keep us going - mortgage, cars, power bills, etc. Debt collectors constantly calling me for the medical bills from the complications but I can't pay until i can work. Don't understand why they think that constantly harassing me is going to get them anywhere. For those of you not from the south, here is you a southern saying "You can't get blood from a turnip".
I have a tattoo on my bicep that says "warrior" in my own handwriting. I had always felt like a warrior for things that i'd been through before this even happened, like some childhood issues and a bad divorce, but now I KNOW I am. I am a fighter and WARRIOR ALWAYS. Just gotta keep on going. I know better days are coming. It can't rain forever.
Thank you all again for your support, thoughts, comments, and prayers. I check for comments every day. They keep me going. They encourage me so much and make me feel validated in my feelings. So THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Love you all.

PS I also included in this update before and after pics from my weight loss surgery. On the left side, i was ~300 pounds on the right I was prob about 140. The pic on the right was taken about 4 months before my plastic surgery. I look at that now and think.... why didn't i just leave it alone? It really wasn't that bad. I hid it well. I look worse now than I did my first after. Lesson learned, I guess.

I thought after getting out of the shower, I'd have my husband take some pics of me full body. It's difficult to see the open area where my wound vac usually is for the skin fold that falls over it. BTW, why do I still have a skin fold??? Isn't that the reason I had the surgery in the first place? I also have folds over both sides as well as you can see. It's depressing. $9000.... for this. Sigh. I go back to work next weekend. THe open area from the I&D is healing well but will still be open, I'm sure. So I guess I'll be back to work with the wound vac. Oh how I dread it, it's so heavy when working. I'm getting better at doing my own dressing changes with it myself. I also failed to mention that one of the medications I had while in the hopsital, I'm think it was one of the antiobiotics caused the majority of my hair to fall out....no really....I'm not exagerating, you can see my scalp clearly and you can see through my hair. I look like i've had chemo. I started wearing clip in extensions while leaving the house, it's that bad. I had already been taking biotin but was told by a hairdresser that the It Works brand hair skin and nails formula works great. I'm hoping someing will reverse it. I hate looking in the mirror.