After looking through all the information on RealSelf for the past few weeks and reading stories from ladies much like myself, I think it’s time to share my journey, too…
I’m 31, 5’2”, 150 pounds. And I’ve got 3 gorgeous kids (3,5,7). I love them to pieces. Even when the oldest says daily, “Mommy, you got a BIG OLLLLD belly!” ? Those darn kids and their honesty!
Well, my whole life I’ve had small breasts. So small, that I felt awkward not wearing a bras. I experimented with them all: push up bras, water bras, Wonderbras,… the more padding, the better. In my late teens, I even used those little gel inserts that were supposed to stick to your skin. Until one night, too much sweating on the dance floor at the club had one insert ready to fall out onto the floor. After that, I decided, “it is what it is. Just deal with the itty bitty ta-tas”.
Once I started having kids, I thought, or I guess I hoped, I’d have some substantial permanent growth. Yeah, didn’t happen. With each pregnancy, I thought the boobs were here to stay. The only thing that stayed was the flab and stretch marks in my belly. But, the boobs stayed perky and I managed to lose the most baby weight. Most people who say me said I looked good for having three kids. I always take it as a compliment, but the “for having three kids” thing has me like, dude, I just wanna look good! (Mommy, you got a BIG OLD belly!)
Well, I tried to do all the things I could think of to get rid of the belly. (With hubby singing in the background “you can do side bends and sit-ups, but you better not lose that butt…) Did the Beachbody thing. Started out with Hip Hop Abs. Didn’t make it. Tried Shakeology. Started P90X and just about killed myself. So, I just started to think, “It is what it is. You do look good for having three kids. The cat-suit, stripper heel days are behind you. Move on.” Well, after three years of settling into my cocoon, my super-supportive hubby decided he was sick of me wearing his clothes (just his shirts) to cover myself up. We went clothes shopping for the kids this summer and he refused to leave the store until I picked up a few cute shirts for myself. Gosh, they were so cute, and yes, I bought them and wore them all summer, but I spent most of my time sucking in my gut, and adjusting my padded bra so I didn’t look crazy.
I don’t even know how I went from “I’m just gonna accept this” to “I wanna do something about this.” I started with researching breast augmentation, then found info about mommy makeovers, then I found out about RealSelf. Now, I’m just obsessed. I’m the type that, when I’m ready to do something, I can’t rest until it’s done. I started setting up consults, and every day, I’m getting less nervous and more excited about this.
Most of the time, just thinking about having surgery to correct the flaws that have either come with motherhood, or that I’ve had my whole life feels totally stupid. I feel like I’m being petty and vain. Then the cost? There are things I can get for my kids, or do for my husband, or do for the family as a whole (Nickelodeon Cruise? Beaches Vacations? Vegas?) rather than spend an insane amount of money on boobs and a flatter stomach. Half the time, the guilt from even thinking about this eats me up to the point that I don’t even think I can go through with it. Not to mention the fact that my family (except for hubby) is so totally against it, they make me feel even worse. All they can think is worst case scenario. They also tell me it’s a complete waste of money. I’ve taken my little one with me to all my consults because I don’t even want them to know that I’m seriously considering having surgery.
I’m just at the point in my life where I want to do something to make myself happy. It’s always been in my nature to do everything for everyone else, to meet the needs of others first and see about myself last. I’ve been doing it like that for so long, trying to do something for myself makes my brain feel out of whack or something. But, I want to feel good about my body again. I’m tired of hiding myself. I’m in my freaking 30’s! If not now, when? My baby making days are over. It’s time for me to physically feel like me again.
So, I mean, at this point, I don’t know what I’m gonna do, when I’m gonna do it, or if I’m gonna do anything at all. I’ve had a few consults, so I’ll update how those went, as well as the upcoming consults.
Sorry about being so long-winded…RealSelf is the only place I feel like I can get this out and not get looked at like I’m stupid