“For Me - California”

I was overweight since I can remember. Though I was extremely athletic, I never felt pretty. In 2001 I had twin boys and my stomach was destroyed. I didn't gain any weight during my pregnancy but I gained thick red stretch marks. In 2006 I had another child and my second C-section. I asked my doctor if I could have a tummy tuck as soon as I delivered but she said it wasn't safe. I gained no weight again during my pregnancy but afterwards I made up for it. I hit my highest weight of 220 lbs. I decided at that point I didn't want my daughter to ever feel the way I did about my body. I lost 60 pounds with diet and have kept it off for three years. I also lost my husband along the way. His insecurities from my weight loss created problems I wouldn't tolerate. Now that I am back in the dating scene, my insecurities about my stomach and my less than an A cup breasts have brought me to this decision.

I met with my PS in April and feel really comfortable with him and his staff. He did some measurements and then took before pictures which he used to show me what he would do. If you have never seen naked pictures of yourself, I don't recommend it. Those pictures convinced me even more that I was making the right choice.

After my appointment I started doing more research and almost decided not to do the tummy tuck portion because the after pictures and scar look so painful but then I remind myself that I have been through 2 c-sections and I have a high pain tolerance. So I have decided to go for it. As for my breast implants, I have never had breasts, not even during or after my pregnancies. I have purchased padded bras since I can remember. For a long time I couldn't find bras that fit because when you're big the bra industry expects you to have big boobs too. Finding a 38 A padded bra was impossible. My boobs are peaks. Tiny peaks and uneven. I want the implants to feel pretty, confident and like a woman.

I have only told a few girlfriends and my boyfriend my plan. I am scared to tell my parents and I don't plan on telling my brother or sister. The two of them are small and have never had body issues like me. And because I am a single mom of three I can imagine all the things people will say about the cost. The thing is, I have always always put other people first and I will continue to always put my children first, but it is time I make myself a priority. And it is time for me to feel pretty.

Updated on 19 May 2011:
I'm all set! It's scheduled! September 9th is my big day. While it may seem far off, it's real now.
Hoping to break the news to my mom tonight. Wish me luck.
Gotta go post my wedding and engagement ring on EBay. That's how I plan to pay for it.


Updated on 29 May 2011:
I moved it up to Friday July 8th. So nervous but I will be sporting that bikini in purblind before the summer is over.

Updated on 20 Jun 2011:
Tomorrow I head into see my PS for my final consultation. I'm getting more nervous as the day approaches. I keep wondering how I am ever going to get used to boobs after having none for so many years. But I am also excited because I wont have to hide my tummy anymore when I swim with my kids.
Still haven't told my siblings and I think I am okay with out doing so. Three weeks to go....

Updated on 27 Jun 2011:
Had my first "what am I thinking" moment. Laying on my bed Saturday morning my kids were talking to my boyfriend and playing the whole " she's my girlfriend, she's our mom" game when my middle son says "we know she's our mom because of the steech marks on her belly". At that moment I thought "why am I doing this" ? Yes, I have ugly stretch marks, but I got them having the greatest blessing I could ever have asked for. Strange to say but I kind of feel like I am erasing the natural beauty life gave me alone with my twins.
On top of that, I keep thinking what if I wake up looking like some freak show with enormous boobs? How do you get used to boobs?
Less than 2 weeks and I am definitely getting nervous.

Updated on 1 Jul 2011:
Just made my final payments. One week from today I will be starting a new beginning. So excited! I want to shop so badly but know I should wait. Bought some sports bras in a c cup.... I'm going to be a c cup! Wow!

Updated on 8 Jul 2011:
Oh my Goodness..... I am hurting! But I can see a bit of cleavage. Cleavage? What the heck is that. LOL
Everything went great. Getting lots of needed sleep. Woo- Hoo.

Updated on 9 Jul 2011:
I can't stop itching! Thank goodness I have a back scratchier because I can't move in so many ways. And after 2 rounds of physical therapy for my back I am left wondering how to get up without using my tummy muscles. It isn't easy. Feeling pretty good other than that.

Updated on 10 Jul 2011:
Woke up this morning hurting pretty bad. Couldn't stop bleaching. With the tummy tuck it doesn't feel great but then I got sick. I cannot even describe the pain. It hurt worse than child birth.

Updated on 11 Jul 2011:
Day three and I feel really good. Sat up a lot today, made a little dinner and washed my hair. Tomorrow is my post op follow up and I will finally see the new me. Hopefully my drains will be removed too.

Updated on 12 Jul 2011:
Today was the big reveal. Wow, I have curves for the first time ever. While I still look a little alien like with the swelling and cruising I have to say that I am pretty happy. My stretch marks are still visible and I was really hoping they would be gone completely but I guess with twins it just isn't reality.
I was able to have one drain removed and I am scheduled to have the other one removed Friday. That felt a little odd and of course I leaked all over my binder afterwards. I am not sure I am going to be able to get in and out of my binder alone but fortunately I have a crotchless one so I only have to remove it for showers. Definitely recommend this one. Its pretty comfortable too.
Looking forward to m first shower tonight since Thursday.

Updated on 21 Jul 2011:
I am two weeks post op tomorrow and I cannot tell you how amazing I feel! I get a little tired and worn if I over do it but I am pretty much 100% back to normal.
I love my tummy. It is tight and looks great. I'm slowly taking the surgical tape off and while the incision is a little crooked, it is healing nicely. My binder is probably the reason I feel so great. It is comfortable and I don't have to remove it for anything other than showers and to wash it. My doctor provided it for me and it is amazing.
My boobs, well, I AM IN LOVE!!!!!! They look and feel amazing! I didn't realize just how big they were until last night. Standing in the mirror taking a breather from my sports bra, WOW!!!!! LOVE THEM. They are perfect. I will definetly recommend the Danskin Sports bra with the front zipper or clasp. I tried the cheaper from closing hanes sports bras and they worked but I had nipplige. The Danskin ones pull you together, offer support and full coverage. And they make your boobs look AMAZING!!!!I found mine at walmart.
I went shopping yesterday and I had a great time. All the shirts looked cute on me and I went down 2 pant sizes. I'm going to start walking again next week and I return to work too.
Oh and sneezing feels so funny. They used to be big and loud, now they are tiny and cute. It is amazing how different it feels with a tight tummy.
It was definetly worth it all!