08/06/13- 11/5/13 rip implants!! :D

I have talked about getting implants off & on...

I have talked about getting implants off & on since i was 16.. im 27 & finally bit the bullet. I went with 375cc under the muscle. I got them August 6 2013 so at this point I'm only 5 weeks post op. recovering has been difficult mentally & physically. I dont want to put myself through a lifetime of surgeries. i know if i need a typical replacement 10 years down the road i wont replace...because I can't do this over and over and worry about complications...I know they increase with time and with additional surgeries . so im thinking if i feel that way now i may be better off explanting at 6 months.. while im young and havent had them in that long. They are very uncomfortable and I'm still having pain.. Can't sleep on my side. I went running but It still feels funny to do that so I held back a good bit. I've had a bit of support when I talk about explanting but most reactions are to tell me to give it time and that I will love them in a few months... But honestly I don't want to love them I'm scared to love them... I don't want to deal with issues down the road because I learned to love them. I almost hope they don't get comfortable so I can justify not enjoying the thing I worked so hard to obtain. This process has helped me grow so much spiritually... I'm just trying to put them out of my mind for now until I can actually do something about it. I need to get back to work I need to pay them off and heal. Many people say why not enjoy them and take them out when u have a complication rather than before... I'm scared if I do that then me results won't be as good?? What do u ladies think? I feel confused on what I should do still...

May be coming out sooner...

My boss told me to come back to work 6 weeks and then I could be off for the explant surgery. That means the end of next month!! Ladies did it ever get easier to sleep on ur stomach or side with implants in? Did u ever stop feeling them? My top worries right now other than my results post explant not looking good is the muscle jump when flexing. Does everyone get it? (I went under the muscle) does it get better with time? Also, will I ever get back my upper body strength? Will I always feel like a weaker version of my former self? If i go through with this explant procedure what are the long term affects? I had no idea getting them would make me so uncomfortable 24/7. What is undoing them going to do that I am unaware of? I need lots of support ladies. I'm shaking in my boots. I'm embarrassed by the entire situation. I've cried so much.

Explant date November 5th??

The date isn't set in stone. I gotta get my boss to approve it and get scheduled by the doc but that's the day I'm shooting for. I could use some words of encouragement right now. Nov. 5th will be 3 months after my BA. I am at battle in my mind. I keep saying to myself I looked good before I look good now and ill look good after but ill also be the old me again and feel free again. I'm scared of the procedure :/ I'm worries about the recovery process, I'm worried how I will look, I'm worried how I will feel mentally :( I'm hoping I get November 5th that's my nanas birthday who passed away. I think of I hold on to that good thought it will help my process be more positive. Ladies please tell me ur experiences especially if ur stats are close to mine in anyway 27, 375cc, 3 months of having implants

To massage or not?

I told my coworker I was taking them out she asked if I was still massaging... Should I? I don't want them to settle more but I also don't want scar tissue to form??

Before BA pics and after

So confused

I woke up today thinking maybe I'm getting use to them a little more... Life would be so much easier if I could just go about life and not have to go through another surgery. I'm so torn. I want them out but I also want to just go on with life and not go through another surgery and more stress and not go through... Possibly hating my results. What do y ladies think. I went running today and they didn't bother me while running but doing push-ups or chest presses is still not enjoyable :(

Muscle destortion reviews plz...

Hey ladies my chief reason for wanting an explant is how my chest looks/feels when the muscle causes it to shift. I was wrestling with my dog today and it was a struggle and I hated how it made my chest feel :( I've read many women still experience this even after explant :(( ladies if u have a before and after story concerning this please comment about it! I hoping for this to go away or at least improve drastically with explant.

Had a doc appointment today

Well, the doctor confirmed the tenting of my breasts. He said its because my chest muscles were already so close together and when i was smaller it wasnt as obvious. At first he was giving suggestions saying..as they dropped it would get better and to wear bras that don't have a lot of lateral support so that the implant would shift more to the sides. As I'm sure u ladies know... There really are almost no bras without side support... And I feel I already have plenty of side boob. I said are u sure it will get better not worse... Because I've already been thinking of explanting for other reasons. He said if I wore bras which brought them closer together it could get worse. He said going smaller could also correct it. I was so worried he would act like nothing was wrong &make me feel crazy. He said explanting was also an option & that I will go back to how I looked before. That was so wonderful to hear :) he said at first they will be droppy of course. I don't want a life of working around my boobs &making sure I wear this or that so as not to increase the tenting and being self conscious in swim suits. I prayed so hard before the doctor visit. I'm so glad he acknowledged the problem as well as sounded optimistic about my explant :) so, it looks like I'm going to continue as planned & go through with my explant. I've got to start training my brain to love my skinny self. He also mentioned fat grafting after if i still wanted larger boobs but not only is that expensive i think it has possible complications as well. On the path to self love

God making good out of the bad

Through this I found myself asking God to make good out of the situation. This weekend at work it showed up. I had a patient who had lots of anxiety because he was shot five times by his girlfriend's crazy ex boyfriend. He can't move his legs for now. Going through all this caused me a lot of anxiety at first... Im praying it doesn't come back after explant. I hate anxiety & negative thoughts. They are so toxic. I watched Joyce Meyer, prayed a lot, and read books to help fight it.. I prayed with the patient and told him everytime the negativity popped in his head to imediatly fight against it by saying thank u I'm alive thank u my mom is alive (crazy guy shot at her too) thank u for my girlfriend (she feels awful and has stayed at his side) and sing Jesus songs and just say his name but to do it everytime right away. It's a training process to fight the negativity. God doesn't want him thinking deeply on the bad. The devil wants that. This goes for u ladies also. When u start thinking ugly thoughts about ur body.. God didn't put that thought there.. The devil planted it. You gotta recognize it and fight against it by focusing on something ur thankful for. Our minds are need fixed more than out bodies. I pray I can hold to this after my explant. Trying to make up my mind to be happy at this point.

One week till explant???

Nerves are rising again as my surgery date approaches. I'm wondering if ill back out, go smaller, or explant. This is a very confusing time. If it werent for the tenting I would keep them. I'm positive of it. But the tenting gives them such a fake embarrassing look. God be with me.

Here is the tenting

The doctor said he would charge full price for me to go smaller. So... Unless I keep this size explant is my only option. What u girls think?

Pushing through

If I were going to back out today would have been the day to do it. Looks like I'm going to go through with the explant this coming Tuesday! The doc told me I should look just like before. I really hope he is right. Thank you for the encouragement ladies. Please be praying for my mental and physical status on November 5th. I'm actually starting to get "excited" about the explant. I'm starting to pump my mindset up. Looking at beautiful women who are flat chested and day dreaming about massages and surfing (I don't even surf! Ha) but I will one day soon! :p you women are amazing to me. We have gone through a very specific trial and we will be stronger and wiser for it. In the end out bodies will turn to mush anyway if we are lucky enough to live that long. It's our hearts/minds/and souls that are being shaped in this life by out experiences (especially the difficult ones) so that we can grow into the women god wants us to be. This world is just the dressing room and heaven is the main event.

About to go back for surgery

Sitting in the office waiting to be called back. It's my last final minutes to back out. If only I had taken those final minutes to back out pre BA! I hope this goes fast.

Explant complete

Well I handled the general anesthesia better this time. I was only slightly nauseated after. I liked my nurse anethasist this go around better than the last one. He seemed to care about me and was very sweet. The doctor told me my only restriction was no submerging myself in water for 4 weeks. Other than that I can do anything. I thought I would hate my profile after this but I think I like it more. I'm petite and I think I look younger now. I think my childlike playful spirit will come back to me now that I'm not so concerned with giant tender boobs constantly. Well I'm gonna go back to sleep. Ill update worh pics in s couple days.

I know bandage pics don't say much..

But here's one anyway

I couldn't leave u girls hanging

I know you all wanna see my dat one results...Plus my own curiosity got the best of me. I'm so happy!!!!! I took the bandage off and I am very pleased with my results and this is only day 1! They are soft to the touch like jello but I actually don't mind the lose feeling compared to the rubber ball the implants felt like. I don't have stretch marks or dents or caved in nipples (at least at this point) my biggest hurdle will probably be getting that scar to heal down. Because I don't have boob over hang to hide it. You girls mean so much to me for giving me the support I needed to just take them out.

More photos day 1

Lines from bandage. Very happy. Thank you Jesus. This will help girls who went as big as me 375. It seems like the bulk of you on here went around 300

Day after explanation

Woke up with a really sore throat. I got a cold last time I got general anesthesia :/ why is that? So now I'm just fighting this sore throat. This bandage sure is tight I'll be ready to not have to wear it anymore. After knowing what implants feel like inside my body and to the touch I just really don't like them anymore. Yes they can be beautiful but it isn't the same feel and I have small real ones. They killed my spirit while I had them. All my thoughts were worries about them or positioning them so they wouldn't hurt if I did this or that. I've looked at so many explanation pics including my own and I think natural is sexy even with no upper pole. It's not because I've convinced myself of this either. It took a lot for me to get here obviously. I have a feeling once I heal up I'm gonna start loving myself the way I should have all along

2 days after explant

I sure wish I could kick this sore throat. I would be enjoying this healing process so much more. It has me more down than the surgery. I drank some apple cider vinegar in water to help. It's a home remedy. Helped a little but not as much as I would like. Feeling so blessed to be on the other side still. I'm floating haha. I have friends who are like I can believe u took them out maybe u will get to where you can love your body the way it is and I'm like I already do! They probably don't believe me but I really do compared to the implants. I can't believe how fake they felt. Hard to believe I ever had them in there. I'm soooo ready to start yoga. Hurry up and heal little chest muscles :)

Sore throat??

I called the doc office to see if the intubated me or if I was fighting off a cold. Yup, they intubated me so maybe this pain will pass quicker. They said they places it on my voicebox. Not sure what that means. Either way its getting a little better. Have I told you girls I love you today? Haha if not I LOVE YOU!!

3 days post explant

I don't see a change but I'm not sweating it :)

I'm stil sick as a dog

Me and my little dog have been watching Christmas lifetime movies together :) I looked in the mirror today and thought they don't have too far to go to be back to normal as far as the position and fullness. They do have a ways to go on firmness though. This must be what the Brits mean when they call them jelly tots ha! I'm gonna post some pics of beautiful small breasted women for motivation for you ladies. I have all these on my phone ^_^

I have more..

Haha

More pictures :)

Beautiful small chested women. Gotta own it!

Feeling a bit better today

After almost a full week of being under the weather I feel better :) I hope I keep getting better and it doesn't flare back up. My friend told my mom I seem like my old self again. It felt good to hear that because that is exactly why I did the explant. I have no pain but I am taking it easy and do feel fragile. Shower time is probably my least favorite time of the day because as happy as I am I still have more changes that need to come. I'm not depressed at all and I wouldn't even say unhappy I just am having to practice patience while I heal ^_^ ill post a new pic tomorrow since it will be my one week post date

1 week post update :)

Ill post once a week until 4 weeks and at that point ill switch to once a month. The doc told me to keep my compression wrap (ace bandage) on for the first four weeks. I am expecting most changes to happen after I'm able to stop wearing it. Today my breasts felt a little less jello like :) that excited me haha. Most of my tissue is lower pole so I need it to migrate a little more north ;) I put 2 socks at the base of my breasts under my wrap today to try & encourage the tissue to move up (not sure it will work) but it can't hurt to try, it just adds more compression. I haven't checked for flex distortion because I want the muscle to attach down flat & I don't want to hinder it especially this early on. I'm glad one lady told me it took a few weeks for her tenting to clear up because I can still feel mine. (feels squishy over my sternum) I think as that goes down it will help define my breasts, giving them a better shape. I didn't know if I was going crazy or if I truly hated the implants when I had them. I was worried once I took them out I'd feel just as miserable wishing I had them back.. Never being happy. I wouldn't mind slightly bigger boobs but definitely not as big as my implants & definetly not fake boobs. I keep thinking on how when I laid flat on my stomach it felt like a water balloon trying to squeeze out the side of my muscle pocket (very odd/uncomfortable borederline painful feeling). while i say i wouldnt mind bigger boobs i am over wanting to be someone im not. Make up and hair dye are one thing but drastic measures are another. i underestimated what a big deal a surgery is truthfully. Im wiser to it now and will stick to the simple stuff from here on out. who knows what this experience saved me from. After this life lesson its all about loving what i got & embracing my shape. I gotta start looking at myself the way I look at others around me. I generally look for the best in people. And if some future guy wants to be critical over my looks then I don't need to be with him anyway because I can't stand guys like that. I want someone who is positive & uplifting like me hehe. im so glad i went through this while single so i didnt have to stress over someone elses thoughts about MY body. I'm feeling very blessed ladies. Feeling blessed with my results so far, my mental state, having you women to relate to about this &communicate with & for your reviews which encouraged me to explant. lots of you said you wished you had done it sooner and i clung to those words. Thank you Jesus.

Follow up doc appointment

Had my follow up today. The doc said my skin was already retracting nicely :) he told me I no longer had to wear my bandage and I could start wearing a normal bra :) he said he would see me back in six months unless something comes up and I felt the need to come back sooner. I'm dreading bra shoping but I'm very happy. I've had a great day today and I feel like I'm getting very close to the end of all this mess. Soon all this will be in the past and like it never happened.

2 weeks post op

I drove for the first time today since surgery :) it felt awesome. After implants I was sore when driving for the first time. I haven't noticed a ton of changes since last week. Slightly more upper pole fullness and slightly firmer. The tenting is still there and I'd really like to see some changes in that area but I am being patient and happier every day.

3 weeks post op pics

I'm seeing slight improvement in the tenting. Other than that not much new to report.

4 week post op

I just started doing light exercise again. They still feel mainly like jello which I would like to change because they feel too sensitive to run. They look like they are getting slightly bigger but I think I may be about to start my period so... They may go back down.

Power thoughts

So now that I have done all four week updates I'll be switching to once a month. If you're battling with any negative thoughts concerning going through all this I highly suggest the book power thoughts. It will help you in so many areas of life including this one. I've mentioned it to several girls in comments but it was such a help to me that i decided to to put it in my review.

2 months 2 days post op

I feel like my scars are deeper than id like but I'm hopeful in seeing them change for the better over time. They are still not firm :/ but I'm being patient. Still feeling blessed

March 5th will be 4 months I believe...

So I'm updating a little late... Healing great other than my scars are deep and colored. Also I am now forming a dent :/ I didn't think I would have one since I didn't have one right after surgery. I hope it gets better. My confidence is better than ever though.
Just talked to doc

It would cost me a full 4000 to go smaller so that option is out for me.

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