Last week I finally made the ultimate decision to...
I have been seriously thinking about BA for over two years now, actually I think closer to three at this point. The first time I started truly thinking it was an option is when I learned someone I worked with had them done AND had a complication that is still affecting her today. Believe it or not, instead of it scaring me away from BA, I actually started diving in to learn more. To learn as much as possible.
At some point around that time I discovered RealSelf. I didn't officially join until today though. I've been getting the email updates and reading reviews for years. I've read the best stories and the worst, I've read about all the complications, what kind of implants, incision site, the good the bad the ugly and the "so freaking worth it." At this point what more could I learn? And yet I still continue to read everything I can.
I am 24 years old, 120lbs, 5'2'' and I hardly fit into an 34 A cup. There is a gap between my breast and the bra, padded or not. Especially on my right side as it is much smaller. I'll be honest, when I was young I used to pray NOT to have big boobs - I was terrified! And yet here I am, my prayers came true, and I am ready to go under the knife to change what I have. Of course, what did I know when I was eight years old?
I'm still not trying to go too large. So often I read that girls always wish they went a little bigger and I am a bit back and forth on this. As of the past two months I've finally decided to lean towards the bigger size of the two sizes I'm considering, because I do believe the "wishing you are bigger" thing is a thing. However, my thoughts are anything more than what I have now is a huge change and will be amazing. I would like a Full B - Small C. I really don't care much about bathing suits, though I imagine afterwards I will actually enjoy wearing them, but my bigger concern is all the normal clothes! T-shits, dresses, tanks tops, even PJs! I'm self-conscious because being so small chested means a lot of work trying to just look proportional. Most dresses are tough to wear because they all hang lower and my bra will show because nothing is there to hold them up. If I lean over in a v-neck or anything that doesn't reach my neck - oh boy! You see my nipple.
I do love my body, I am happy with my boobs, and if I had to spend the rest of my life like this I'd be fine! But I don't have to. I can enjoy feeling more like myself. I believe once I have them I will feel more like who I really am. I would try to explain that but I imagine most of the women on here understand that feeling. It just feels right to have...more.
I did see three Surgeons. One in AZ when I lived there over a year ago, and 2 in Beverly Hills. I knew for sure I would not go with the AZ one, I didn't like his approach, but I was having debate b/w the CA ones. I decided in the end to go with Dr. Vishal Kapoor. The other doc I saw was Dr. Kim who was really great and I read a lot about, however after seeing Dr. Kapoor I knew that there were a few things I just didn't love about Dr. Kim that I felt more comfortable going with Dr. Kapoor. Dr. Kapoor and his staff were very welcoming, calm, laid back, patient, and just great. Also, my friend JUST had her BA surgery with him 2 weeks before and she was happy. I saw her recently (a month after her surgery) and she says she is SO happy and would go to him again. Knowing someone in person who went to a doc is really comforting and I think I knew right away when I saw Dr. Kapoor that I would go with him.
Fortunately my mother and my friends, and actually everyone I have told have been very supportive. It seems that people either "get it" right away, or it takes them a day or two to understand. It's not something you can really explain in words to someone, I think they just kind of have to "know." I was shocked my mother was supportive so quickly, and to quote her from the first time I brought it up, "Yeah, I don't know why you are so much smaller than [the rest of the women in the family]." HA.
Anyway, I tried on sizers and it seems like 300 cc Silicone (not sure profile, I think moderate) will be best for me, but at my pre-op I will try sizes again just to make sure. It's a little bigger looking than I would want, but they said you probably are about 10% smaller after surgery. Which is perfect.
So I will keep you updated. I'm in a very calm state at this time as it still is about 2 months out, so I'm just going to the gym to get in the best shape possible and daydreaming how all my favorite clothes will look once I am proportioned. OH - with the sizers and seeing myself with larger boobs I actually looked Thinner. That was really interesting. Not with every size of course. One I tried was way small and looked like a tennis ball and the other was huge and top heavy.
I'll post my before pictures as I get closer to the date.
Before Photos, take two
Before photos, Take 3
I tend to stress dream a lot, so last night I couldn't sleep at all, my back hurt and I was thinking, crap if I am uncomfortable now - how will I handle it when I have boobs since I know sleeping is supposed to be rough. I tossed and turned all night, dreaming weird things about my doctor and work and just everything. I'm nervous too like I jumped forward to quick. Did I pick the right doc? Am I really doing this? I believe yes I did pick the right doc but the problem is now I have this time between when I saw him weeks ago and two months until my pre-op where I have too much time to think. I have questions to ask the staff Monday though, luckily I can text the lady who runs everything and get quick answers. But I guess I want to double check that they will be Mentor implants (for some reason I just do not want Natrelle) and that they will have different sizes in case the ones I decide end up looking too big on me, and what do I need to start doing and stop doing (and eating, taking, etc) how soon before surgery, yadda yadda.
I know time will fly, and I'm trying to not over think things now since it's so far away, but I'm worried as I get closer I'll get more nervous only because of the surgery part. Just being cut open scares me, because I just want to know I survived and came out of everything okay, ha. I imagine I'm not the only one who worries about that part. I'm glad my mother will be there and be my advocate for me.
This waiting game is tough...
I realize my surgery will be here before I know it. Next week my Christmas vacation begins, after that I'll have four weeks of stressful work and suddenly pre-op and then surgery. Woah.
After the holidays I will see my personal trainer once or twice more, which will be a good push right before I can't work out again for a while.
The other night I dreamt that I suddenly got my boobs much sooner than planned, my mom wasn't there, and I was out and about the first day and my boobs burned and I couldn't lift my arms. Just your everyday stress dreams.
I probably won't post again for a few weeks until things get closer. I don't really want to share wish pics because I don't want to go back and constantly compare after surgery.
Hope everyone is doing well!! Happy holidays in advance :)
Little over a month away
I did buy bras for afterwards. I wasn't going to because who knows how ill turn out but then I figured having at least something will be useful so I got a pack of two Hanes her way bras that look more like crop camis, I think they will be super soft and perfect for after BA because they is no underwire or anything. They'll be shipped soon.
Also I plan to buy ScarAway in the new few days. I saw a relative last week who had a terrible terrible scar a few months back, and now after a month of ScarAway the scar is sooo much better it was impressive so that definitely seems to be the best scar patch to use.
Also I had a couple questions for my surgeon I'd been waiting to ask for a while and finally called them this week and was glad to get some answers. Such as when to stop taking BC and what else I need to stop and when (no alcohol, BC, blood thinners like aspirin 2 weeks prior) but I can and should continue my multivitamin before, during, and after. I take a women's daily mulitvitaim called Alive. Also I asked if my implants can be Mentor. For some reason my gut tells me to go with mentor brand so she said they can def do that. I mean, I am paying for them so why wouldn't that be an option right?
I am really excited. I think about it everyday and try not to overthink it or stress. I know I am ready for this and am making the right decision for myself, but sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy doing it, you know? My family mostly all knows now and are supportive. My grandmother was the least happy about it but she tried hard to keep her disapproval to herself which I thought was nice because a t this point I'm not asking for opinions on the subject, I'm tell people this is happening so accept it ha. I don't mean to be mean in saying that but I'm at the point where I have made up my mind so nothing will change it, and now all I need and hope for is support. My mother is actually one of the most supportive people about it which if you knew her you would never believe she would be ok with it. But somehow she has been the best and is the perfect advocate for me and I am so glad she will be coming out here and stay with me a few days because she'll know what's best and just take care of me no questions asked. I'd feel terrible putting that burden on my BF for example, but my mother is my mother, you know?. Also we will be staying in a hotel close to the PS which will help because I have quite a few roomies and 3 cats and I really don't want to worry about all that right away.
I just asked work for time off, I'll find out what they say tomorrow. Work does know, it's just a couple people I work with and luckily I work from home so it should be good going back to work soon after surgery, but I do really need a couple days totally off. My job is stressful at times and when I get too stressed I tend to come down with a Cold which is something I do not want around my BA.
Oh I also just bought a zip up hoodie from VS because I read here that is really useful for surgery day. I'm so excited to empty out my bra drawer Feb 6th!!
So it turns out...
So my friend went in last Thursday and the PS said yeah unfortunately scar tissue did form and she'll have to have surgery to get it fixed. She said he was super nice about it, and based on what she told me and how he plans to handle the whole thing - I'm really impressed. He is definitely a doc that cares. She told me she is like one of the 10% that this happens to - I'm not sure about that stat, but I do think the chances are not super high. Really, we all are going into this knowing complications may be part of the process - we can't completely predict what will happen to our bodies. It definitely is a bummer for her, but luckily it will be fixed soon, and at least they determined what it is right away versus the doc being like, "eh lets see what happens in a month" which I get the feeling some docs are like.
Oh, and guess when her surgery date is?? Yep, my BA day! Ha, so I'll be the first surgery of the day and I think she will be after me. Weird, right? Anyway, I know it sucks, but I'm glad she found out and I'm glad it's going to be taken care of so quickly, and I'm glad to hear how the PS is handling it.
I've been so busy with work (I live my work) that I haven't had any boob dreams in a week and I've barely given myself time to think about the upcoming surgery at all. I think this is good though - I needed time to not think about it because I know a week from now when I hit the 2 week mark I will start to go crazy again.
I hope everyone is having safe, healthy, and happy recoveries - or just happiness with their additions. I'll be there so soon!
Less than two weeks
At two weeks was when no more alcohol, aspirin, or birth control began. This Thursday I have my pre-op! AGH. Once Wednesday, or even Tuesday hits, I'm going to be freaking out. Also, if I mentioned I live a stressed life before, it's nothing compared to what this week will be. I have two clients I have to turn work in this week, plus my normal day job, and I have an insane list of things to buy to prep for surgery. Like a chair pillow, cocoa butter lotion, gatorade, bendy straws, etc. Also, I'm paying in full for the BA this Thursday and that's kind of freaky! There's no going back once that happens. It still seems kind of foreign that this is happening, I will let you know when everything fully hits.
Also, just so people know later on when this review comes out and they can compare with my healing time - I haven't stopped working out at all. I'm still working my upper body and I'm not concerned. I'm not going crazy doing push ups or lots of chest stuff, but I'm not NOT doing it either, meaning if it's involved in something else then so be it. I'll make sure to take it easy within the last week though.
Well, I will let you know how pre-op goes! Happy boobs and happy healing to everyone.
Comparing BA to Buff Dudes
I can't believe this is happening NEXT WEEK. WTF.
Pre-op was today!!!
So pre-op was great. They were just as wonderful as I remembered, very helpful, I spoke with the PS again and got his advice on sizes and stuff and asked a few surgery questions and all was great. I got to take home a lot of the paperwork to review and sign and bring back on day of surgery. I'm all PIF so that's freaky too. Got my blood work done and they will get the results tomorrow but I'm sure all is well. That was the worst part of today - I hate having blood drawn bleh.
So SIZING. That's the big thing right?? Back when I had my consultation in October I was 123 lbs. I'll tell you why this matters in a minute. I tried on sizes at this consult and it looked like 300ccs on my left was what we were going to go with and use that size to base my right side which is probably 25-50 cc's smaller so my chart (as I saw today) said 300cc L and 350cc R. These are all Mentor mod-profile, because I want a very nature look. High profile is not for me at all.
So I tried the 300cc on today and I was like, woahhhh this is kind of big. It felt like too much, which I was pretty shocked because I was starting to lean towards bigger than back when I only wanted size B's you know. But I just couldn't shake it, it seemed like too much boob. I know, I KNOW, believe me. "Everyone gets boob greed" I get it. But I would SO much rather come out and be like, hmm, I wish they were a little bigger than, dang, this is too much boob. I don't want too much boob. I'm used to no boob, and having too much is terrifying. If I truly feel like I need to go bigger, then one day later in life I will. After I have kids and all that jazz. But I want to be in proportion with my body, not top-heavy. Besides, I can ALWAYS make them look bigger. But the idea that what was in that sizer and how far they came out would be ALL boob and not just a "filler" was too much.
Then we actually put 300 in my left and 325 in my right (because it's smaller) and how funny, but my right still looked smaller than my left and it looked better too. That was more what I was going for, and yet, it was still a little big.
So in the end I tried so many sizes on and went back and forth and finally, AND surprisingly, decided on 250cc (or 275cc) L and 300 cc R. The PS will try both 250 and 275 in surgery to see what matches best because of the asymmetry. I'm really excited about this decision, I feel that it's right for me. I realize they will be 10-20 % smaller after a few months than sizers show, and that's perfectly fine with me.
I think part of the reason for my change in size is that when I first tried, like I said I was 123lbs. Since then I've really worked out and focused on my eating so now I weigh 115, and I am 5'2". Even the lady working with me felt that 300cc was just slightly too big for me, based on what I am looking for.
I will say the doc stepped in later and said I might regret not going bigger, but I'm okay with that regret versus the regret of going too big. It's just who I am, and if boob greed is the worst that happens to me - bring it on, Ha.
24 years old
Currently (barely) a 34A
Getting: Mentor Silicone 300cc mod profile L, 250 (or 275cc) mod-profile R
opps change my stats
Thanks! 4 days, eeeek.
Tomorrow is the day
Day 1 & 2 recap
Then they were waking me up somehow my shoes were on and they moved me into another room and I sat there a bit with my mom trying to come out of it. I could hear everything but I kept my eyes closed for a while because it was just easier. Soon they were wheeling me out to the car and I remember seeing and talking to my friend as I was leaving because her surgey was next. She told me later I had a huge smile on my face because I had snuck a peak at my boobs.
Unfortunately the rest of the day was pretty rough. My pain hovered around 7-8.5 all day and I threw up 10 min after putting anything in my stomach. The anti-nausea pill did not work at all. I was still throwing up at 8:30 that night. At which point we texted the PS and he called my mom and said for today just no pain meds or anti biotics but tomorrow I should be good. Tylenol was ok though.
It was pretty rough because the pain was a lot since I didn't have the pain meds in my system most of the day and feeling nauseated is the absolute worst. But I kept thinking today is the worst and I will get through it.
This morning I woke up feeling much better. I was able to move around more and went downstairs to the hotel lobby and had a norm breakfast and took all my meds. I did feel a little stomach sick but nothing came of it. The pain was better today.
The worst part of today was we had to drive about 40 min to a new hotel and every brake made me feel sick. In LA traffic braking is all you do. But again, I survived. My mom and I went shopping at the grocery store sometime around 5 and made dinner and I felt totally normal. I did feel like a I was drunk while we were walkin around the store- just like kind of fuzzy- which was strange because I took my meds like two hours prior. Then after dinner I took an awesome nap. I actually feel fine with only being a little propped up with pillows, not all the way.
I've taken peaks at the new girls but I can't take my bra off until I shower which should be tomorrow night or Sunday. I'll post pictures when I can.
So far all I feel is happy I did this. No regrets or anything. I'm really just taking this one day at a time.
4 days post op
So I'll be honest, yesterday I felt great. Same for today. I feel totally normal except my energy falls towards the evening late afternoon but besides that I feel the same. I've had BM and my doc recommended milk of magnesia. I taking just one pain pill every 4-6 hours now even though I don't think I'll need it soon but there is some discomfort. Right now I'm in a tank with no bra and my breasts feel really heavy and swollen and yet, they are also numb. It's strange. The steri strips are still there. Took my first shower yesterday and it felt great. I can't open doors or anything that I use my arm to pull or push because it uses my chest muscles too. Sleeping on my back has been fine I just use one pillow under me and a couple on the sides.
Anyway, the best part- pictures
A week has already passed!
Tomorrow I have my first post op apt. I'm excited to hear what the doc says about how I'm healing and stuff. Also, I'll learn how to properly massage and I'm ready to get started on that. I've been massaging a bit on my own like they said to but I know I'm not doing it exactly right.
Lately my boobs have been frustrating the hell out of me though. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE them- but the sensations are weird. They are full and heavy so I can't go without a bra and even a Hanes no wore bra is too light- not right enough- and my boobs will just hurt from being heavy on my chest. My surgical bra is way too tight to wear during the day but it's good at night. Im now wearing another comfy sports bra but still my boobs are irritated. I don't know it's just frustrating and I know it's the fact that sensitivity is kicking in again but man it's annoying.
Also, the sensations are weird just in general - sometimes it feels like my nipple or skin hurts but if I touch it it's so strange because it's almost like its numb. Has anyone had this? Bleh, ha.
Anyway I am of course so happy I did this. No sad or regretful thoughts! I love that I did this, it was definitely the right choice for me.
10 days post op!
Coming on 3 wks post op
Dr. kapoor is awesome, he is friendly, calm, caring, laid back, and makes you feel at ease. He was really good to me on surgery day and made sure he had my moms number and she had his. He remembers his patients and his staff is wonderful and he did an awesome job on my boobs, I am really happy with how they look and feel and he listened to what I wanted- gave advice when I asked - and never pressured me to do something one way or another, he let me decide and I'm very happy about that. He also came recommended from my friend who got her BA with him, and my friend was recommended by her friend- so good word of mouth!