Hi Jersey Girl,
Don't dismay, you will find a rhinoplasty surgeon who hears what you are saying. It is possible to define your nose without making it narrower. A very conservative trim of your lower lateral nasal cartilages, possible subtle suture sculpting of the LLC domal area, and possibly a columellar struct graft can achieve your desired results without narrowing your nose.
You are doing well by consulting with many rhinoplasty surgeons, and not settling until you are confident that your surgeon can understand your nasal cosmetic desires, and most importantly be able to achieve your goals.
Keep up the good work choosing your rhinoplasty surgeon most carefully. I know a pretty good rocker nicknamed the Boss in NJ, but unfortunately do not know the work of a rhinoplasty surgeon there whom I could recommend.
Good luck and be well.