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Relationship issues post surgery?

  • munkysmama
  • Herriman, UT
  • 1 year ago

Hi everyone!  After much contemplation and research, I have begun the process of finding a PS, and plan to schedule my TT in July.  At first my husband was very supportive, but now he has voiced concerns about how it will affect our marriage.  I've heard many stories (his ex-wife included) of women getting cosmetic surgery, then cheating and/or leaving their spouses.  Any insight on this phenomenon? 

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I am having issue too, I have had some very bad surgery issue in the past one being a emergency c-section which I had a 10 pound baby and I am only 5ft. Then we had another C-section which was planned but the healing seemed to take a bit longer. To go one step further I Had to have a emergency hysterectomy leaving me one ovary, when I came out of surgery I knew something was wrong the pain was just not right. I knew it be painful but being curled up in a ball puking because the pain was so bad. You think the Dr would check. My whole recover I was like that going through bottles of pain meds after bottle. 5 weeks I went to my Dr i had lost 25 pounds because I could not eat sleep and the pain was so bad. He kept telling me I was fine and they were just going to give me stronger drugs. I was like something is wrong. He was feeling around and he hit one spot it hurt so bad I was crying and crying. He like I think you have an entrapped nerve. It like 1 in a million to have that. So they tortured me and put a huge needle in my scare and injected numbing medicine and it was like being in a high. I had no pain. I was in surgery the next day and there was a staple in a two nerves at that. So after that surgery it took me only a week to be better and be in no pain. But come to find out I kept loosing weight and being sick and loosing weight. I was 110 and found out I had Adrenal Insufficiency.... I think it was because my body was put under so much stress for those 5 weeks it caused the problem. So now I want a tummy tuck and my husband thinks I am stupid. Being on steroids has made me gain 30 pounds and being five foot i look awful and feel so ugly. He does not really support me at all. so I havve this group to keep going for support.
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I think it is a common fear and common problem. All you can do is reassure him, show him a lot of gratitude when he is nursing you, and show him some extra physical attention when you are able to. I can imagine if my husband ran off and lost 50 lbs or started body building that I would have some moments of feeling inadequate, like maybe he is too good for me now or maybe he's doing this for someone else. Try to put yourself in his shoes, and be especially attentive and reassuring!
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My husband said he was going to make me sign a contract lol. He was totally kidding though.
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I think that is crazy. My husband is my best friend and supports all that I do and vice-versa. We have been married 13 years and have 2 kiddos. I basically told him that I was getting a TT and he was like "if momma is happy, daddy is happy" and that was that. I feel that if the spouse has insecurities with the relationship or himself, then it is a "pre-existing condition” and has nothing to do with the surgery itself.
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This must be a concern for many men! my husband is concerned about the same thing. i keep reassuring him that i am having the work done for myself. not the attention of another man. asked him to not take it personal, but it's not even for him. he loves me just as i am. i'm not sure what else i can do to ease his mind. in my case, i think that he fears other men looking at me the way he looks at some women with perfect lil bellies lol. i'm not against him looking at all, and he knows this. its human nature to look at something attractive when it catches your eye in my opinion. but, at the same time, he doesn't want me to be the one getting the looks. it's not like i'm doing this so that i can walk around in skimpy clothes for God's sake. i just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. i'm not saying that this is the reason for your husband's concerns, i just think this may be the reason for many. considering he went through that with his ex, i think it's only natural for him to have that fear now. the only thing i know to do is keep reassuring him that this is not your reason for having the procedure done. good luck!
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My husband was concerned about this also, but I kept that conversation open for him to voice his concerns so that he knew I was hearing him, and also reassured him that I wouldn't be out "hooching it up." Now that I'm a few weeks post-op, he is starting to really enjoy the results and realize they are for his benefit as well as my own. My advice is hear his concerns and don't dismiss them, but still make your choice for you.
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Gail, I am loving the phrase"hooching it up" hahaha! I think my husband wishes I were less modest! I am 34 and a mom of two plus three stepsons so I dress conservatively even though I feel great about my new body (even with some swelling hanging around). Hubby bought me some really skimpy string bikinis, not realizing how long the scar would be or how slowly it would fade! I have assured him I'll wear whatever he wants in private but for the real outside world, no hoochie mama displays! I fully plan to wear two piece bathing suits and snug fitting clothes, but not dress like am eighteen year old hooker! The tummy tuck is really just for me and him.
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I feel totally the same as you. I have always dressed modest, even in high school. I'm not very feminine. Plus my oldest child is a 13-y-o boy, so I'd hate to embarrass him by trying to be Stacy's mom. But my husband is actually looking at lingerie for me now. I would have never put that stuff on before with my kangaroo pouch.
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Lol...my stepsons are 13, 15, 17. I caught my 17 yr old chastising his friend one day for talking about my chest. I can only imagine if I were hooching it up! I think I was wearing a tankini with a toddler on my lap!
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That is really interesting. I would not have made that connection. My thought is that your relationship would have to be pretty weak to start with. For me, I am a second time newlywed and wanted to repair what pregnancies in my first marriage did to my belly so I could be hot for my new hubby! I guess it could work the other way though if you were in an unhappy marriage and started getting attention that you weren't used to from other men.
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Now that you mention it, his last marriage was already strained when his ex had her TT. He was in a very stressful job, and not the easiest person to get along with due to the stress. His ex tells me that the man I married is not the same man she was married to. Even though I have parts of my body that I'm not thrilled with, I don't suffer from a lack of self esteem. I have told him that I'm not doing this for other men; I'm doing it for me and him.
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I think that is the key...are you doing it to look good for him or planning to go to clubs in leather pants, lol? I know I was only concerned about being with my husband! Didn't even care about the scar because it's not like I planned to become a nudist!
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