Please help me, not sure what to do

  • Emma in NY
  • 2 years ago

I am reading an overwhelmingly positive account of most reductions and I'm not sure where my story fits in. I wear a 36C (full C), and am 5'4 and 135 lbs. Commentary on  my size has ranged from constant junior high school remarks that "your tits are too big", to most recently "they're a nice size, nothing insane". Either way, I feel like they have always weighed me down mentally. I cannot say I have back or chest pain, just some discomfort with PMS when they get even larger. My whole life, I've wanted to become an A CUP.  My biggest problem is that I am now 25 and have spent the majority of my life struggling with an eating disorder/disordered eating habits-since I was 8. In the past couple of years, while not diagnosed, I am fairly certain I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I often avoid going out and social situations because of the size of my breasts and I'm so terrified people are going to be looking at me making comments. Finding clothing I like is nearly impossible. I wear a lot of baggy shirts and scarves.I have spent days going from store to store in the quest to find clothing that flatters me. I often get severe anxiety when I have to leave my apartment because I'm so afraid that someone is going to make a comment about my breasts. I do have a lot of paranoia. I realize a lot of this may sound batshit crazy and this is why I'm wondering if I'm an appropriate candidate for a reduction. While I've not yet dealt with physical issues from being a large size, I definitely have problems that go beyond garden-variety self-esteem conflicts. I don't have unrealistic expectations-for example, I don't think getting a reduction will make life perfect. I just don't know if I am the best candidate for a reduction at this point because of BDD.  The thought of going under anesthesia has always scared me. But whenever I've looked at other alternatives to a reduction, I'm told to diet and exercise. I've been doing that my entire life, sometimes to the extreme. And even when I've lost a few it's never upstairs.  I guess I'm just posting here because there are not a lot of resources that I've seen for patients who are dealing with mental health issues regarding their appearance and I don't know how to go about making an appropriate decision. Thanks for reading.