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Please help me, not sure what to do

  • Emma in NY
  • 2 years ago

I am reading an overwhelmingly positive account of most reductions and I'm not sure where my story fits in. I wear a 36C (full C), and am 5'4 and 135 lbs. Commentary on  my size has ranged from constant junior high school remarks that "your tits are too big", to most recently "they're a nice size, nothing insane". Either way, I feel like they have always weighed me down mentally. I cannot say I have back or chest pain, just some discomfort with PMS when they get even larger. My whole life, I've wanted to become an A CUP.  My biggest problem is that I am now 25 and have spent the majority of my life struggling with an eating disorder/disordered eating habits-since I was 8. In the past couple of years, while not diagnosed, I am fairly certain I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I often avoid going out and social situations because of the size of my breasts and I'm so terrified people are going to be looking at me making comments. Finding clothing I like is nearly impossible. I wear a lot of baggy shirts and scarves.I have spent days going from store to store in the quest to find clothing that flatters me. I often get severe anxiety when I have to leave my apartment because I'm so afraid that someone is going to make a comment about my breasts. I do have a lot of paranoia. I realize a lot of this may sound batshit crazy and this is why I'm wondering if I'm an appropriate candidate for a reduction. While I've not yet dealt with physical issues from being a large size, I definitely have problems that go beyond garden-variety self-esteem conflicts. I don't have unrealistic expectations-for example, I don't think getting a reduction will make life perfect. I just don't know if I am the best candidate for a reduction at this point because of BDD.  The thought of going under anesthesia has always scared me. But whenever I've looked at other alternatives to a reduction, I'm told to diet and exercise. I've been doing that my entire life, sometimes to the extreme. And even when I've lost a few it's never upstairs.  I guess I'm just posting here because there are not a lot of resources that I've seen for patients who are dealing with mental health issues regarding their appearance and I don't know how to go about making an appropriate decision. Thanks for reading.

Comments (6)

Hello,
It is clear that you are uncomfortable with your figure including your boobs. But as you have said yourseld it seems to stem from all of your boby and not simply you chest.

From what you say I would say that you do have Body Dysmorphic Disorder as shown by your problems with food and your figure. It seems from a basic bmi you are on the very lower end of normal which is definately thin even if that is not what you see in the mirror. So if i was you i really would put a breast reduction on the back burner and considering some significant work with a professional on your other problems because normally in this situation surgery doesnt fix the problem and you wont get the fix you are wanting.

I have had mental health issues before and i struggled on the edge of an eating disorder in my teens and young 20's until i studied psychology and realised i needed some proper help. I did this because at a 'normal' size 12 i have 34GG and thought if i got down to a size 8 say they might become smaller and taht tiggered the behaviour that meant not eating regardless of the reason i started it. Recently, I got significantly depressed (25yrs old) and piled on the pounds and having to get back into shape recently is triggering my not wanting to eat at all technique because i know that works but i am working hard on doing it healthly. And my chest doesnt get smaller than the 34 GG it is. And from your weight and size i doubt there is much if any fat tissue to loose and that is why they dont get smaller. But that in itself shows how little fat is actually on your body. whether you feel that is true is a different matter. And i can really identify with how hard it is to believe when your mind is telling you something else.

I would recommend as i say putting the idea of surgery aside for the moment because I dont think it will solve the problem. I would go to a doctor and tell them your issues, maybe look online for any books on Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and talk to people if you can and try and see how distorted your view is (only talk to people you trust completely especially at first). Beacuse as i am sure many people will say a cup C is the average cup size, it is what most people on here aim for and i am sure is very feminine and attractive and maybe due to your BDD you are seeing it as a lot bigger than it is. (i found comparing the size to people who i thought were bigger good as i found i was often wrong which helped me see it was how i saw things that was wrong and was able to work on it)

If you do all this and reduce the BDD affect and are still unhappy this is when you might want to consider a breast reduction.

I wish you good luck and PM is you ever want to talk about any of it more let me know. I get how hard it is and how so many people can react negatively to how you think of feel about yourself.

Take care
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i was also wondering if you gain weight do they get bigger... in that case this might leave more room for a breast reduction if gainin weight was something you wanted after support.
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Emma, I feel you. I was so very self-conscious when I was in my 20's. Looking back, I'm so glad I've waited until now (I'm 46). I worked through my body issues, I came to truly love and enjoy my big breasts and now I know that I'm making this change for healthy reasons and I can accept the risks. It sounds like you are really suffering and looking for a way out. I realize that so far no one has offered very good answers. But I think Shouldasooner is right - find a good therapist (you can message me directly if you want a recommendation - I know someone good in NYC) and get a handle on the BDD. THEN you can choose surgery from a place of loving yourself.
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I am 87 years old and soooooo sorry that I did not have a breast reduction when I was younger..My doctor would not let me have one(asked when I was 80) I weigh 118 and wear 32DDD and my back hurts all the time from the weight.. so I day if your doctor OK's it --definitely go for it---RAM
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I am a huge advocate of B R....but sweetie, your post says it all....and i really think you are just wanting someone to tell you straight up. You need to discuss this with a therapist, not with a bunch of ladies who are miserable with overly huge breasts. Your problem is something different. Most of us only pray we will be a full C on the other sode of our surgery. Find someone who is an expert in BDD, and go from thete.
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Sorry for the typos.
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