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negativity from family members

  • mandyo97
  • Man, WV
  • 1 year ago

i have had my heart and mind set on a tummy tuck for some time now. finances have prevented it, until now. and now that i have that worked out, i have 2 family members telling me that i'm being selfish for spending the $ on this n telling me to get over myself! i have worked hard to loose 80 lbs, its frustrating to have to deal with loose saggy skin after the weight loss and having 4 kids! my kids have everything they want and need and ive made sacrafices from day one to see to it. they are older now, and want for nothing. my house is full of electronics, driveway looks like a small car lot, top dollar earphones and name brand clothing...and now im the selfish one?! i apologize for the venting, but it irritates me that ppl, esp family, would be so unsupportive and judgemental! esp considering that they dont live in my home or contribute to my financial status in any way. jealousy? perhaps. hoping they can talk me out of it so theres more $ available for lunches, shopping trips, and weekends at the beach, which i have paid in full many times with them in tow?  probably so! they sure weren't calling me selfish then! has anyone else dealt with this neagativity concerning your cosmetic procedures? 

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I don't know why, we, as women, let people influence us like this. I wanted to do it, I did it. Granted, I don't and will never have children, but you should not feel guilt about this! You have worked hard to put others before you for a long time, and you deserve it. People's jealousy can really get the best of them when it comes to you doing something for yourself, but don't let them discourage you! You deserve it and it will be one of the most rewarding decisions you have ever made.
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Screw their judgements! For this reason, I haven't told many people because, frankly, I just don't wanna deal with all the questions. Do what makes YOU happy. Good luck :)
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I am dealing with this as well. I have a twin sister that is telling me this and she had a breast reduction for the same purpose. Lucky for her the insurance covered hers because of back pain. I know my dad is also going to have something to say. My husband has worked hard to fulfil this dream and I am going to do my best not to let them upset me. If our kids and families are taken care of than why not? I do have my times of feeling guilty for spending the money on myself but I am dealing with that. A happy mommy makes for happy kids right?
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Exactly! You have to live in your body FOREVER. Why not feel comfortable and confident... Or even normal!!
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Unless a Dr. says it's dangerous for health reasons then you should do what makes you happy. You can live for other people. I am getting a TT, Breast Aug and lipo and I really don't care what anyone thinks of it. They don't live in my body. They have their own stories. Life is short ....be happy. Stand strong and firm to anyone with negative opinions. When they see you are strong in your decision most will likely be quiet. Good Luck!
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I am hesitant to tell family due to wondering about their responses as well! I am having a hysterectomy at the same time, so far now, that's all most people know. I have been very selective with who I tell, as even talking about it seems to bring out the judgment in people! So crazy to me!! Ignore the naysayers and enjoy your TT!!
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My gosh that is terrible I've been lucky nothing but support from my friends and family! But like you I would NEVER let them change my mind! You are doing this for you..you are paying for it NOT them...
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I feel your pain. I used to not having support from my boyfriend. He thought it was a lot of money to invest in me plus he was afraid of putting up with the extra work for the kids and household. That was just being selfish himself. Now that ive done it (im very stubborn and would have done it anyway), he sees the major difference in my confidence and told me recently it was worth all the money in the world! Just to see me that happy and proud of my body, thats all it counts. Hang in there and pursue your dream of feeling better. You will never regret it.
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Thanks it nice to hear something positive about it.
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Hi Mandy I am getting the same thing right now and feel so unsupported. My husband just tells me to do it to shut me up. It kind of sad. But of course he supported me through both my breast augmentations. I am not really huge 5ft at 137 but always so fit 6 pack and even worked out with both pregnancy but my 3rd baby was 10 pounds and I gained 70pounds with her. It was crazy. she really messed up my body. Even after I lost he weight I got pregnant agian and being in your 30's you body does not go back like it did in my 20 when I had my first two. I want to be fit again and get so depressed when I look in the mirror and he things I am dumb for wanting to put myself through this. I have been on steroid for 1.5 years now and they make you gain weight. I want to look good and feel good now. I do everything for everyone and feel it my time now. Good luck and you deserve it we all do.
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So sorry you aren't getting any support. Steroids plus post pregnancy is not a good combination for healthy self esteem or getting weight off (in addition to appetite stimulation steroids make you retain water, make you moody, and they WILL change your body and face shape). Are you off steroids now? If yes, then I would definitely have the TT with Lipo or whatever it is that will put things right. If not off the steroids yet, I would schedule the TT for after you are finished (if that's possible). Your PS might not want to do a TT until you are off the steroids. Your overall health is the most important. Have you had a consultation yet? I found this put my mind at ease, and strengthened my resolve. May God bless you and give you peace and joy despite the difficult time you are enduring.
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ignore them, and be choosier about who you tell in the future. if this is truly for you, you don't owe anyone any dang explanation. some of them cannot fathom the torture of this body shame that cannot be remedied with diet or exercise. my husband was not into this at all, my parents worried too, but i did this for ME, and now that i have i am so so happy about it. don't talk about it anymore with the unsupportive people, and if they bring it up give a brief answer and change the subject. they ARE entitled to their opinion, but you shouldn't let them sway you one way or another. You are an adult and it's your body!
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I have been telling my gym buddies that I'm having one done. I didn't think it was such a big deal to talk about it, but then I told a group of women at a party and they were really interested. I told them my quote, and it was silent for about 3 seconds. Then they started talking about their awesome MissMe jeans. I felt bad, like I had been totally crass and obnoxious, but I realized, they all wanted one too, and they didn't want to think too much about someone who would soon have a much nicer figure than all of them. It sounds conceited but it is absolutely true. They were jealous and so are the family members trying to make you feel bad about getting a tummy tuck. Remember: misery loves company. They probably feel insecure about some part of their body, and they don't want you to lose that part of yourself that keeps you in the misery club.
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That is why I haven't told anyone in my social circle! Breast augmentation seems more acceptable?
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thanks for the support and encouraging words :)
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I don't know if breast augmentation is more acceptable or not. Personally, I think many women kind of look down on women with breast implants ( I do not) because though breast implants look good, the mean girls can take it away by making fun of the "fake parts" and call augmented women "trashy." I think there is more jealousy over the tummy tuck because though breast size is subject to aesthetic taste, hanging protruding bellies that look like an old lady's ass (I'm describing my own here) have never been in style. No one can "take away" the beauty of your flat belly and small waist by accusing you of having fake parts or wanting to look too sexy all the time. Jealousy is so ugly.
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I agree, I have smaller implant style for my body and I got silicone.... So they look real natural, I want the whole package. I cant even wear Jeans anymore because the skin it drives me crazy =) Not saying I want to look 19 and bimbo just what I use to look like and when I felt good about myself. I kind of feel my husband looks at me like I am fat and not what I use to be, he says you are not skinny anymore but have had 4 kids will my youngest is 3 and my oldest is 20 so 3 years I should at least look good. He never says that. Not sure what is wrong with men sometimes =)
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Yes, I suppose it would be easier to hide a tummy tuck as long as your scar doesn't show in a bathing suit. I cracked up at your description of your belly preop!
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Why is that?? I don't feel ashamed of getting TT... I have been lucky most everyone I have told has been very supportive...husband is still back and forth
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Is it your children that you are talking about? It's hard to tell from your post. Honestly, I have only told my husband and online friends that I was doing it. A few of my"friends" from my online parenting boards think it is selfish and shallow. Some people do believe that about cosmetic surgery buy usually it seems to be people who can't afford it or don't need it in the first place! The only people in real life who know I had a tummy tuck are my husband, my MIL (who figured it out on her own), and my health care providers. I told my coworkers and children that I was having surgery to remove scars and adhesions from my C sections, which is partially true. You can't "untell" so I guess I would advise you to follow your heart and go ahead with what you desire and they will get over it!
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no, its not my children. i told them its a surgery to repair a hernia, which is partially true since i am having that done during tummy tuck. its first cousins and my mother that are attempting the guilt trip.
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Oh...well, why should your finances matter to first cousins? Have you been supporting them? I felt like it was a private decision and I haven't discussed it with anyone except my hubby and health care providers (and online of course).
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