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Friends do not support my decision to get a tummy tuck ... help

  • JocieMama
  • Cliffside Park, NJ
  • 2 years ago

Well to explain better I have been married for 4 years and with my husband for almost 10 years. I started the process of looking into doctors for my tummy tuck and a few weeks later found out my husband was having an affair. I put my search on hold until I figured out my marriage. We are together now and have been for about two months. When I told my friends they were furious and said I should not be getting a tummy tuck because the affair made me feel bad about myself. The tummy tuck is my choice I have been wanting it for years. I wanted it long before the affair started and planned it still even before I knew if I would allow my husband back into my life. I am getting annoyed with their negative attitude towards something I am so excited for. Should I just ignore their comments? Does anyone have any advice to show them that there is nothing wrong with me doing something for me?

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Thank you all so much for your support!!! I am sorry so many of you guys also had negative responses when telling your friends. I had no idea so many people were negative about plastic surgery. I had my surgery 6 days ago and have seen two of my friends after. One told me how horrible the swelling looked and the other wants to have a tummy tuck as soon as she meets her goal weight. I am happy and no one will rain on my parade I am swollen but I know I will look amazing very soon!
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You already look amazing!  Don't let anyone tear you down and ruin this for you.  Ignore them and just turn to your girls here on the site for support.  We will lift you up and make you feel better.

You did something wonderful for yourself and you deserve this.  It's all good girlie:)
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That is the right attitude! Your one friend is just jealous and well to bad we are all happy for you and share your joy and excitement!
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That is very hard to be going through what you went through. But you need to do what is right for you. It is your body, you have to live in it & if you are unhappy with it then you should have the right to do what you want. I would say that everyone I told (which is many people) were quite supportive. A few even said they want one too.

Last night, I was having a party at my house & confided in an old girlfriend who didn't know I had one. She looked at me with disguist on her face & said "well I just exercise more". That hurt so much! I could not exercise any more than I already did!! I have tried for years to "exercise it off" but you can't do much with the saggy skin. If I lost anymore weight, I would have looked horrible. So what I am trying to say is, it hurts when you don't have support. But you are paying for it & it is your body. Good luck & stick with us!
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....And Kimmers said it right!!

Also, I learned last night, don't tell anyone you don't need to. I had no need to tell my friend. She just didn't understand. I have decided that I will not tell anyone else now, unless I am sure they would be supportive.
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That's too bad that there so many opinionated negative people out there.
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I say go for it as well! My moto was "My body, my money, my decision!" The only one I need to consult with was my husband mainly because of the finances! I did it for ME not him or anyone else! Do it!
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Dear Jociemama, you are doing this for youself. I, myself is not telling any of my kids, even though just talking about it with them, they seem to be on my side. But think about it, how many of your friends who would like to have it done, but can't, because they cannot afford it? I am sure if they were given the opportunity and the chance to do it, they will do it to improve themselves.So go for it, my friend!!!!
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Well said Kimmers25...
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There is not a darn thing wrong with you wanting to do this for yourself.   If this is something you really want then you should do it.  You do not owe anyone an explanation or an apology for doing this.  Nor do you need anyones permission.

You are an adult and in charge of your own body.  People like to throw their opinions in so be careful who you tell.  Only talk to those who support you and will help you through this process.  There are so many haters out there and you do not need the negativity. 

If you are healthy and mentally ready to do this only for yourself then go for it.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself.  We will all support you here on the site. 

People invest big $$$$ on cars and toys every day and that is not called a waste.  So why would doing something for yourself be considered a waste of money...Not!  You are worth it. 

You go for it and be very cautious on who you tell.  Stay away from the haters and negativity. 

I am very sorry that you have been through the tough times in your marriage...that stinks but I am sure it has made you a stronger woman. 
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Thank you so much
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Just yesterday, I had a friendly neighbor tell me I was 'vain' right to my face. Who knows what they say behind your back. Not just friends or neighbors, but my MIL too. How many times can you satisfy their "I don't think you need that..." or " I can think of other things to do with the money" or "You are fine the way you are". I just finally say "It is My Money, My body, My Decision and My Life!" I don't take it personally, just chock it up to ignorance and jealousy.
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Wow I didn't realize so many people were nagative about plastic surgery! I am sorry the were so rude to you!
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I can completely comisserate. My tt is scheduled for June 9th and the closer it gets the more excited and nervous I am. Unfortunately, I have no one to talk to about it. Like others, I have casually brought up the subject of plastic surgery to friends just to feel them out and the response has not been good. Therefore, I have chosen not to tell any of them. I know people will notice afterward. I am hoping by that point people will just be fake-polite and leave it alone. Like others have also said, this is for us, something we are doing for ourselves. It's our money, our bodies, our decision. If "friends" don't like it or don't agree..oh well. In the end, it is about you and what makes you happy. It's your life, live how you want not how others want you to. I will be praying for you.
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I ALSO CHOOSE NOT TO TELL MY FRIENDS OR MY MOTHER .DID BREAK DOWN AN TELL MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE I NEED HER HELP.MY SISTER AT FIRST BUT CLOSER IT GET I WONT BE TELL HER CAUSE SHE WILL BLABBER IT ALL OVER. pRAY FOR ME MAY 19TH IS MY DAY
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Thank you ladies so much ! I thought maybe I was being overly sensitive you guys made me feel so much better!
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Wow, that seems a little harsh! I guess if they feel you are doing this because of the affair, their anger is just being displaced on your choice to have a TT. It doesn't matter WHY you are having this procedure, it does matter that you are doing something to make you feel better about yourself. Yes, you should ignore their comments and frankly you deserve an apology! I think, as unfortunate as it is, jealousy is so common among women, and this may have a role to play in their negative response. If they are true friends, they will see the positive difference this surgery makes to the outside and the inside! I have been through an affair and subsequently divorce (10 years ago), I discovered who my true friends are (lost some but good riddance!) and they are still my friends today - btw they were all happy for me to get a TT and some of them are now thinking about doing the same :) Good luck and enjoy your new tummy!!!
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thank you so much for your comment! I wish I never told them but I guess since I am only 3 days away I will just ignore them :)
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Yeah, who knows once they see your results they may get one too teehee =)
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I didn't tell my friends until I was five days P/O. That way, they wouldn't be willing to give me any negative comments and were more focused on telling me to take it easy.

You need to focus on what makes you happy. It's YOUR life after all.

Do this for you and you will be so happy with the results. Just don't get discouraged with the recovery. It is a long one but after about three weeks, you'll be thrilled you did it.

Good luck!
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This is why as much as i wanted to I didn't tell anyone. I tried talking to my friends, you know just casually bringing up the subject and they were so negative they asked if I was thinking of it and how dumb that would be because I already have a husband and kids what else am I looking for and so on you know the drill lol So my game plan is I'm getting my surgery for me for my health, because I don't think its fair that I work out so hard and my tummy makes me look sloppy! No one has to live in my body therefore no one understands...this is for me! If my hubs cheated on me, that would motivate me even more! Not because I want to please him, but just to make him aware!!! =) It all boils down to what your decision is and whatever it is it should be because YOU want it! Good luck! This blog is so supportive and you be surprised how many people are going through similar thing!
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Wow You made an excellent point! No matter how much I worked out I was still left with a sagging wrinkly stomach and a deflated chest which made me feel very "sloppy"! After a while it can start to effect your mental health. That's exactly why I did something about it and I am extremely glad I did :))
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