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Feeling soooo guilty...
By **rosie** on 01 Apr 2011
Hello ladies... My name is Rosie and Im in the process of interviewing PS for a TT. Ive been going over it in my mind... Should I? I shouldnt! Its driving me crazy... A little back story ~ 22 years ago I got pregnant and I gained A LOT of weight. I didnt think much of it (1) because I was very young and (2) because I was so in love with the idea of having a baby. Well long story short the baby past and I left the hospital almost 75 pounds heavier and covered in stretch marks (on every part of my small frame - start weight 115, end weight 208 - I'm 5' 1") Anyway... As you could imagine, I was greiving and in a short period of time lost most of the weight. Life went on but my body never returned to the way it was. I've spent the last 20 years wanting a TT. Ive tried every diet known to man, diet pills, liquid diets, you name it I've done it and guess what... My tummy has NEVER responded. Yes, I'll admit Im about 15 pounds from my ideal weight but nothing I do will ever make my abs flat. I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. I think about my tummy more than anything else. Its really worked on me over the years. Why havent I done it sooner? Financial obligations, raising a family, work. Too many reasons to list. But finally Im in a place in my life where I can actually do it but... I FEEL SO GUILTY!! I got my first consult and the end $ was $14,000 (TT, reconstructing my ab muscles and lipo of the flanks). I have been approved for 2 different medical loans but the interest rate is so high. I've considered just charging it to my credit card and pay it off over a period of time but the thought of doing it is making me feel so bad. Why cant I bring myself to do it? I've cried for 3 days straight going back and forth over this. I feel so selfish wanting to do this. Ladies that have had the surgery, did you have these feelings? Is this normal or am I just nuts? I live in Bergen County, NJ and the doctor I met with was Sherwood Baxt of Baxt Cosmedical. I have an appointment today with Michael Gartner, Paramus, NJ.
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Update:
I met with Dr. G and Im glad I went. His fees were VERY different ($8,000). I really liked him and have decided to have him do my surgery. Has he done anyone's surgery?
I still feel guilty about the cost but its a smaller pill to swallow for sure. I've also decided with my husband that December might be the best time to do it. I wanna do it tomorrow but with other obligations December just seems like the right time. I get a week vacation and my office is closed the week betweek Christmas and New Years so that gives me a solid two weeks of resting. Also I really want to lose about 10 to 15 pounds before my surgery. I would like to be at my goal weight or at least within 5 pounds of it before surgery hoping for the best result.
Any input or advice is greatly appreciated.
Rosie,
The guilt, frustration, tears and fears are all part of this process. I assure you that you are not alone and it is going to be ok.
Take a deep breath, relax and go ahead and so this for yourself. As women and mothers we feel guilty when we do something for ourselves. Let me assure you that I got over that quickly when I got a look at my results.
It is normal to feel this was and ok to do this for yourself. You go girl!
Thanks Kim, Mix and Mom... I really appreciate your input.
Shari - YES!! I hate shopping. I have been losing weight since September and I refuse to buy new clothes because I hate to try things on. Everything still fits or is even snug in the waist but big every place else. I ALWAYS leave to go shopping with good intentions but always leave empty handed in tears. The way I feel about myself has affected not only me but my husband as well.
Oh Rosie that will all change after the surgery. Shopping is so much fun after. Don't you worry happy days are ahead for you:)
And you are correct in saying that a few more months won't matter. It will be here before you know it.
Stay on RealSelf and we will all cheer you on and do the count down with you.
I am so fortunate to have found this site. I cant believe how much information is here and all the women seem to really care about each other. Which is amazing. I plan to stay here for the whole journey before, during and after.
xoxoxo, Rosie
This is an amazing site and I also love it!
The women on here are very special and will totally support you through your journey. You will not find any criticism, judgment or negativity on here. Only pure and honest support.
Have you started a profile yet? When you are ready just let me know if you need any help.
Kimmers or Kim...which ever you prefer...LOL
Rosie I'm so glad you decided to go for it and I was where you are with stalling for a bit. My husband knew I was crushed when my doctor wouldn't approve me yet and he said the time would fly by and it would give us time to save also so we won't need to finance as much. That was Nov. and it is just as he said and we have been saving. I don't like shopping in general unless it's for someone else so saving had an even better feeling. In fact it was Black Friday when I went boobie shopping lol...
The the begining of each summer I think, "well, I didnt reach my goal but this will be the LAST year I look this way" and finally this really will be the last year I will look this way. Thats a really exciting feeling. I also realized that I will have had my surgery just before my 40th birthday which is an awesome birthday present to myself!! This year is also my 10th wedding anniversary and my husband and I planned to go back to our honeymoon place (Aruba) and renew our vows on the beach. Well when I went for our honeymoon I wore a size 2/4 (still flubbery belly) but a smaller package overall. This time I will be wearing a bikini and feeling completely confident. Im really looking foward to this surgery. When I think about how its really going to happen I get butterflies in my belly.
Oh you reached your goal Rosie...you just need a little help getting the fine tuning done.
This is all very exciting:)
I going over things in my head and some times I feel nervous and then most times just overly excited. I fear the worst as I'm sure most women do. "What if..." Seems to be the lingering question in my mind these days but I keep telling myself that everything will be fine. I'm sure its normal to have these thoughts?
Also just saw a post from another woman who's gotten infection and boy that is scary to say the least. That isnt typical is it?
We mums give up everything for kids, for years, and usually get very little that is 'just for us'.
I hated my tummy for a long time, and decided heck, I'm sick and tired of being too embarrassed to walk around naked in my own house - that's not right, and how could anyone enjoy that life?
Don't worry if you aren't all the way there, weight-wise; it will come off later.
Im working on my weight as much as possible right now hoping to be within 5 to 10 pounds of my goal but if it doesnt happen its okay, I love all of my body (except this dreaded belly) and once that's gone I'm going to feel a lot better about myself.
Thanks for the kind words... How are you feeling these days? I see you had surgery early February.
Still swollen around the hips and tender on the butt and back, around the lipo holes, but better every day.
I was 154 or so heading in, and just looking at a weight calculator, my 'ideal weight' would be 136ish, with a recommended range of 120 - 150. My PS said not to worry, as he felt that too much emphasis is on being thin. I'm 55, so he said although I was a bit chunky, he thinks older women SHOULD have a bit more fat to protect them from the inevitable falls as they get older. Anyway, I'm down to 138-140 and hope to drop a bit more.
I'm really going to try hard to drop at least 10 pounds before my surgery. If I can do 15 that would be so much better.
Going into surgery, I was too heavy and fat, but I just wasn't going to lose it, so didn't want to wait. My hubby suggested waiting a year, and working hard to lose weight. I got stubborn and said NO, because I knew I couldn't stick to it. I felt this was the push I needed, and I sure hope I'll continue on well.
After surgery, I didn't eat solid food for about 3 days, and even then, I could barely eat anything. I still didn't drop it though, until I finally stopped leaking and walking around a bit more. I'm still not doing much exercise, just walking some, but not as much as before, so I'm feeling I better get at it, or I'll start gaining.
I didn't really go anywhere for about a month, either, except the doctor. That meant no shopping (no buying chocolate or treats), and no going out for dinner. We used to eat out about once a week, and the calories must be there. We have eaten out once since January, and I'm sure that makes a difference, both in calories and pocketbook.
I'd like to lose a few more, but figure I may gain a bit back, once I start getting more exercise. Perhaps that will make me hungrier. I just need to be sure to continue eating lots of fruit and veg, not snacks.
One thing, if you don't lose after surgery, don't panic. My doctor told me I could expect to gain weight, as I'd be doing nothing but sitting around and eating. Happily, I didn't.
I figure if my body is overall strong and healthy it will make recovery a little easier (I hope). I'm having a hard time imagining being out of the gym for two months (as per my doctor) so I'll struggle with that for sure and I will have to really pay attention to my diet since I wont be able to get to the gym. But Im sure in the end it will all be worth it.