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Feeling scared and lonely- surgery date Oct.3rd

  • DiastasisRecti_ScaredMommy
  • New York
  • 3 years ago

Dear online friends, Today is a rough day. I am feeling very lonely in my quest and very scared for the surgery and also feel like I am losing friends that i just made in this new area....They can't understand what it's like to have been to 45 doctor and surgical appointments all summer, having 2 young toddlers and no time to do anything fun, any "time off" I had with mom here to help I was at another doctor visit.  I have terrible back issues, herniated discs, degenerative discs, s-curved neck they want to put plates in, and a HUGE diastasis recti tear of my abs vertically from my ribcage down. I am small but look 6-7 months pregnant now, have for 1.7 years since my last and final baby. Sad too to think that i cant have kids anymore, but am 37 and pregnancy destroyed my body, crushed my spine with terrible updside-down delivery and back labor for like 10 hours, I am finally getting this abdominoplasmy after consulations with all my surgeons and doctors, to fix my core first before getting plates in my spine and my neck and then likely ending up in more pain. I feel so lonely. We moved from city to country with babies and husband commutes long hours to city, and this weekend I am alone for 5 days with baby, and cannot find one friend to even play with....they gave up on me after being out of commission for the summer and my family doesnt live too nearby, and I am so scared about finding help for my kids, and suddenly my surgery date is 2 wks away almost. I was so proud of myself for finally taking a BIG step to help my horrible chronic pain, completely torn abs so cannot do core exercises, and at the same time, I've somehow lost most of my "new" friends in the area, their kids are getting older, busy in schools, and we are here in this remote neighborhood with no kids and I am just damn scared and lonely and have nowhere to go - tried to call some of them to connect but everyone is busy or says good luck and they have no idea how scared I am or what this really entails.... I have moved a bunch so am used to making new friends....when i first moved here, I quit my lifetime career to be a full time mom for a few years and started my own mom group and had folks over to my house trying to build a group of friends, but since then they have all seemed to branch off on thier own, go to different preschools, and here I am totally alone this weekend. 2 weeks before surgery and just feeling really scared and really lonely. I was just looking for some support. I am doing this to try and get my life back and not hold my kids in excruciating pain....but at the same time I am surprised how new friends can so easily back away from anything that is difficult or scary. They have no idea what I have been through. There are zero young kids in our neighborhood so I go outside and am just alone, seeing just trees and grass for miles. And now this weekend I am alone even more, without husband.....and scared to death all of a sudden. Help...what am i doing? Why am i doing this and why does this have to happen to me?!?!? Sorry, I dont ususally have a pity party for myself but this has been a tough year and I am learning the hard way about true friends and how hard they are to find. My best friends all live 100s or thousands of miles away, why can't we alll live next door!?!?  -Sad, lonely and scared Oct.3rd full diastasis recti repair w/2 toddlers...omg