Family support

By Dallas424 on 12 May 2011

I have been considering a TT for several years (after 3 c-sections, hysterectomy, appendectomy and countless other girly surgeries left my tummy a mess). Every time I try to talk to my husband about it I get the eye roll and the "you are beautiful just the way you are" speech. I am very thankful he loves me for me, but I am just not comfortable with the way my tummy looks. So last night I broke down and told him I was going to make an appointment to meet with a PS, just to get a professional opinion and see what my options are. The ONLY response I got was "well how much is THAT gonna cost?" He showed no concern at all about anything but the money, which I understand is a valid question, but I guess I expected a little more from him. Am I wrong for getting my feelings hurt by his response? He is my only "family" in the area (my parents live 6 hours away) and knowing I have no support from him hurts. Did anyone else go through this or something similar?

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WildOrchids 20 Oct 2012

my husband reacted the same way. also, kinda insinuated that I'd leave him once my stomach was fixed. like he can keep me chained here through a mess of wrinkled stretch mark ridden skin. i pointed out how he didn't have to change his body and go through all of that mess for the kids but i think he still doesn't understand. this procedure was paid for out of my retirement; I've worked full time for 16 years and make as much as him, but he still is making me feel bad for spending the money. he's been helpful like making me dinner and checking on me, but he didn't go to a single ps appt. wouldn't listen to me talk about it before hand, is clearly tired of hearing about it after and hasn't said word 1 about how he think i look. well, i did this for me in the end and I waited 15 years for it. I paid my dues and i know I shouldn't feel bad about being selfish and wanting my body back. I'm young, full of life, energetic and i am tired of carrying the 60 year old tummy around with me. I did this for me and I'm happy! You should be too! P.S. he ia the ONLY person in my life who knows I've done this. my kids think I had a "female" thing done, my parents don't even know I had a surgery. All I have is him and you real self ladies!!

pookie2001 6 Oct 2012

no you are not wrong. He is being a jerk. Of course he doesn't get it, he isn't the one with the problem. You do it if you want, just make sure you have someone else to come over and take care of you for the first week. Life is too short. Do what makes you happy and tell him where to go!!

Gypsy Girl 31 May 2011

Well I KNOW exactly how you are feeling! I've been told by my hubby that I looked great just the way that I am and he loves me regardless of the way my tummy looks. As a Christian it has been such a HARD decision to make, but I had to have some other surgery and felt since I'm going to be put under I might as well make my dreams come true.. Am I selfish? I'd like to think NOT.....I'm NOT having it done so that I will turn heads, I'm having it done so that when I put on a dress or jeans I look good, but most of all I FEEL good instead of looking pregnant with a hump hanging over.....Just pray about it, and you'll know what to do in the end! Good luck! My surgery is tomorrow and I'm scared, nervous and excited! This site is awesome with such WONDERFUL women to share with!!

mixter 1 Jun 2011

Gypsy Girl, just want you to know that I'm thinking about you today and saying prayers for a speedy and painless recovery.

Don't be nervous. You will be so happy when it's done. My doctor now refers some of his patients to me for a "chat session" if they need to speak with a recovering patient. I'm so happy I did this!!!

Gypsy Girl 1 Jun 2011

Thank you SO much!! I'll be leaving in a few hours and coming back with NO "jelly belly"... :-) I'm SO excited yet very nervous!! Ready for tomorrow to already be here....

Dayton3602 29 May 2011

West Milton, We "are" very similar. I have my first appointment with the surgeon on the 10th of June. I am so excited about this new chapter in my life!! Maybe we could meet up at a restaurant or something when y'all come down for the air show.

I could probably use a breast reduction, too... but I'm going to leave them alone for now. I had breast cancer in Jan 08 and I am still having to take Femara for that. I will probably be able to tuck my boobs in my waist band in a few more years!! LOL!!

I am not looking for attention from any man either. I want to be able to look in the mirror and say to myself... WOW!!! You got it going on, Girl!! I am also looking forward to not having that 10 lbs around the middle. I haven't seen my girl parts for years... unless I use a mirror!! Now, I'm rolling on the floor laughing!! Thank God I can laugh about it, because I'd be crying ALOT if I didn't!!

I pray that all goes well with my TT, because I want to have a chin lift, too... I have a gobbler like a turkey!!

Looking forward to hearing from you, again!!

Blanchard 30 May 2011

Yep. Every time I see my surgeon he pinched my turkey waddle and says I will look so much younger if I lose that. We work in the same hospital so I see him often. I have been on the diet roller coster my whole life and this time I seem to be able to keep up with the exercise and have maintained the weight loss but all the ups and downs have left me with the skin. I got rid of 130 pounds before this surgery. Still need to get my arms and thighs done.
There are people that believe that a person my age should not think about such things. They are the younger ones ofcourse. My aunt that lives in West Milton is not a supporter. I would not trade how I feel now and how active I am for anything. If I were 80 and needed it done then it would be done. A person that doesn't carry that extra skin, especially on the abdomen, just can't appreciate the freedom of not having it.
I know what you mean about the girl parts. I never saw mine as the belly beast has always been there. That was lifted also with my surgery. He did a lot of work and it took seven hours.
Recovery was easy for me also. I had the surgery on a Friday and the state surveyors walked into my department on Monday and were there three days. I did take the week off but went back to a big mess after that and it was not that bad. Pain was not an issue but fatigue was for a couple weeks.
How much extra skin do you have? Most of the ladies on this site have nice scars that just follow a bikini line and they look great. Because I had so much skin and had the breast reduction at the same time, I have that kind of scar and a scar up the middle of my abdomen as well. Also had the muscle repair. Never will be able to wear anything that reveals my belly. That is ok with me.
Which hospital will you be using? Do they do that at Good Sam? Do you have people to help you? I was able to go it alone with occassional help from my boyfriend. Are you nervous? Don't be afraid of the pain. There is alot of great advice on this site. There are some amazing and very positive outcomes. My biggest fear was my incisions not healing because I am insulin dependent diabetic but I healed beautifully. I didn't even put stuff on my scar.
It would be great to get together when I come down. I would love to meet you and see your results. You will be feeling pretty good by then too. I will be at the Holiday Inn in Englewood. Enjoy your Memorial Day. It is the last one you will spend with a big tummy. It is the last holiday you will have with your tummy. I am so happy for you!

Dayton3602 31 May 2011

Hi there!! Sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you, yesterday....

Wow!! Where do I start? I lost 100 lbs when I was in my 20's and kept it off for 20 something years... it was in 1995 that I started to gain, again. We moved to Ohio and I have S.A.D., so that came in to play... then my son (only child from my first marriage) died from suicide on Memorial Day weekend in 1995... and I think it snowballed from there... so I gained around 30-40 lbs. I'm doing Weight Watchers now and I'm down 24 lbs... so i still have 16 to go. So, how much extra skin do I have? I really don't know... but I have that beautiful apron (so they call it!). I'm hoping it weighs alot so I'll lose alot... LOL!!

I am having the surgery at Kettering. My surgeon is Dr. Robert Chami. I have my 1st appointment on the 10th of June. I have no clue how long it will take for me to get the surgery appointment. He comes highly recommended, so I'm confident that all will go well. I'm not nervous. And I'm not afraid of the pain. I'm just so thrilled to have this done!! People that don't have this condition and I do consider it a condition will never understand!! Not only does it look ugly, but it makes "us" feel... well, you all know how it makes us feel. It does mess with your mental emotions.

West Milton and Gypsy Girl. We are NOT selfish!!! We are just doing something that is going to provide us a better quality of life!!! I do believe my life will be New and Improved!! And I also believe that this is a Blessing from God!! He has provided us the means and he has provided us the wonderful surgeons that he has. Also... West Milton, I'm so happy that you healed like you did!! Like you said... the healing process is longer for those with Diabetes. I don't have diabetes, but my Mom was pre-diabetic and I have other friends that have diabetes... so I understand it.

Blessings!!!!

Dayton3602 29 May 2011

I am divorced after almost 28 years of marriage! I do have a boyfriend now, and he was the one that suggested that I have a TT. And I played around with the idea in my mind... he even offered to pay for it! Now, I have made my decision!! I'm paying for it, on my own!! And I'm doing it for me and me alone!! And, I am so excited and I really enjoy reading your messages and feel so close to each of you, because we can "SO" relate to one another!!

Now, get this... the boyfriend now says... are you sure you want to do this? And he says... other men are going to be hitting on you and I don't like that! So... Ladies,what it boils down to is the men are "insecure"... they are fine with you the way you are because they feel safe.

If you are thinking about having a TT or if you are already in the process... make sure that you do it for yourself!! YOU are important!! And when you get my age (58)... you will realize that there are many things that you need to do for yourself!

Blessings to ALL!!

Blanchard 29 May 2011

Dayton, You are so right. Do it for yourself. We are so similar. I am from West Milton but now live in Michigan. Will be down for the air show. I am 8 and a widow with a boy friend. I had my tummy tuck and breast reduction March 11 and did really well. I was fortunate to find a surgeon that did the quilting stitch so never did have swelling. For the first time in my life I look good. I look great. I have never "turned heads" but sure do get looks now. I am not looking for attention or a man. I was only looking to feel good about myself and not to have to carry around the ten extra pouunds that was on my abdomen and to no longer be able to tuck my boobs into my waist band.
Have you had yours done yet?

Madison5269 (RealFriend) 22 May 2011

Yes!!! My husband loved me the way I was & he really did not want to spend the money. My argument was "we got a new kitchen, a new driveway & walkway, etc., this year mommy's getting a new tummy". They have no problem spending on home improvements & cars (yes I know we need cars) but why not a little something for the woman who carried his children?! We totally deserve this. I am so happy to have my body back. I work so hard & work out so much & my saggy skin was not responding. I felt like I had an old lady tummy.

Shaye, you are so right about them saying they like us the way we are & then ogle women with flat tummys & big breasts. My husband sure doesn't mind staring at women in string bikinis on the beach!! Now I will be one of them!

mixter 17 May 2011

When I told my husband, he told me that if I was doing it for him, not to bother. He said he loves me no matter how I look. I told him I really appreciate that he feels that way but I was doing it for me.

Also, our kids are grown, I work full time and make a good salary. The money was not an issue (thank goodness!) Although he didn't think I needed the surgery, he was very supportive after. Both my kids and my husband helped with my recovery when I was home.

I think you should be honest with your husband and tell him that you are unhappy with your body and you need to feel good about yourself before you can make someone else (him)feel good about you.

If you work, the money should not be an issue. Doesn't he spend money on boy toys?

shaye from illinois 15 May 2011

I hear ya! I am going through that right now. Mine doesnt understand either , he thinks just cuz he see's nothing wrong with me that I should be ok. Well im not. I Have practically begged him for at least a TT. I want a mommy makeover but he says it's too much money and he doesnt know why I want to turn myself into something that I am not. Now he is saying " well lets save for it and maybe next year you can." I think he is just trying to say what he thinks I want to hear so I will shut up about it. Men are weird. They sure love to look at women that have flat bellies and nice breasts but the moment their woman wants to look like that all hell breaks loose. They know that we will look good then and other men might look at us they way they look at other women!! I have decided that I am going to save for this or at least a good chunk for a deposit and I will get my mom to co-sign for me. He knows that I need him to help me cuz my credit is bad. Thats why he can tell me no. But I am going to do this. Good luck with your man hope things pan out for you!

45isnew25 12 May 2011

Men are funny you know and we will never know what they are truly feeling about anything! My hubs and I have been married for 18 years and he did NOT want me to have the surgery. Don't know why for sure...he said the risks for a cosmetic procedure when he loves me just like I am, but who knows? He's not a jealous man and has always wanted me to do things that make me happy and although he said do this if it's what you want, he was never fully on board even though I told him..."if you tell me NO you don't want me to do it, I won't, but if you don't tell me NO then I'm doing it and you need to commit to it". Needless to say, I'm two weeks post op today and he has been fine with everything and is getting better each day. I just think in some ways they may be concerned, worried and scared, but they are MEN and don't know what to do with those feelings so they come off as being A-Holes.

Angiemcc (Community Manager) 12 May 2011

Someone just posted an almost identical concern in our Mommy Makeover forum. Maybe you two ladies can connect.

Good luck with this. Hopefully he'll come around in time.

Please let us know how it goes. And consider posting a review (I'm encouraging women to start writing their stories before surgery for optimum support).