As an artist with breast insecurities who works behind the scenes with no real importance placed on how I look, would you agree that for me to get a breast job would be a massive expense and health risk with months of physical healing, all so I can ultimately "just like my breasts better"? Is that an insane reason when you consider that there are so many more things to life that one can reflect on, spend money on, and strive for than nicer [RS bleep]? Is there any real, intelligent justification for me to take such a risk simply to have one more thing to be happy about when I look in the mirror on a good day? Knowing that I would pay someone a [RS bleep] ton of money to open me up and put balls of whatever inside me and sew me back up and send me on my swollen, weepy way makes it even tougher a decision to justify considering it would not only be completely self obsessed but also a submission of sorts to the very societal ideals that have caused me so much unnecessary insecurity about my body in the first place. Is it worth it just to like myself more? And IS that even truly liking myself more (to be happy with the results of a boob job) or simply displacing my disdain for my old self with an appeasement for a new alteration? If that's the case, what does that make of my self esteem in general? Can I ever really be confident about my body again, or just continuously content with what a doctor has done to it? Will my worth be then placed more and more in the realm of possibility as far as what someone else can do to my body? I wish it was as easy as just talking to a therapist and finding a way to like my body better, but I think that my biggest fear now is that to train myself to love what I've hated for so long would be to delude myself into thinking that I am a special perfect snowflake just the way I am, and that life wouldn't improve if I got what I wanted. Plastic surgery is what humanity has been leading up to, it makes perfect sense for us to utilize it at any chance we can, so why do I feel so guilty for wishing I had this option?I hope I haven't offended anyone who has had a boob job- believe me, I understand that everyone has their reasons for their choices and I have respect for anyone who takes active steps to improve themselves in the way they see fit. I just don't know what I want to improve on really- the boobs or the mindset- it is an existential crisis and I am genuinely curious if these thoughts have crossed or are currently crossing anyone else's mind.