How do I convince them? I'm so worked up.

  • Caitlin in Florida
  • 2 years ago

I've hated my nose all my life-it is the only problem I've ever had. I have been picked on horribly since I was young, but never told my parents. What could be done about it? The could get the children to stop (And even know, the individuals in my high school) but that wouldn't help me, because the issue would still be there-the nose. I have my fathers nose-it's strong, wide, and very long. While it looks wonderful on his manly face, it looks AWFUL and so out of place on mine. I have a small, young, delicate face, from what I've been told-the nose throws it all off. I think about my nose from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep. I think about it when ever talking with friends, or strangers, and try to hide it. If someone sits on my side, I turn to face them so they can't see the profile, which is awful. I cannot stand it, and it makes my life hell. I am not 'over reacting' or anything of the like, it prevents me from being happy. I mentioned this to my mother last month, and she screamed that I'm being shallow, I'm beautiful, so on. Keep in mind, she has a beautiful small nose. I do not want my nose hacked off, or a strangers nose. I would KEEP MINE-I would only simply shorten it a bit, so the profile matches my face. That's all. I'm eighteen years old, and going to be attending college out of state, starting the summer. I would love, so much, to get this done right after graduation (may 26) and before summer classes start (June 19). Yet my parents refuse. I would pay for it, but it would completly destroy all my savings, and the little I have. This is ruining my life, and I know how awful it will affect me in college. My parents keep saying I'm crazy, but I cry so badly in front of them, in so much emotional pain, and they just say, 'No' and walk away. How can I convince them? I cannot do this anymore, I can't take this. I want to be happy again, and this is the only thing holding me back. Please help, I can't live like this any longer. Here is some pictures of my nose...   I'm the one on the left... http://s1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii520/WRITEfluidity18/?action=view&current=Nose1.jpg The one on the right (Side view) http://s1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii520/WRITEfluidity18/?action=view&current=nose5.jpg    

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Hi Caitilin! How are you doing so far? How is college life treating you? I see your post is already a year old, so I'm curious if things have changed for you? I am going through the same as you with the parents situation. Difference is, I am out of college with a great job and being able to pay the surgery myself, but still, my father is super against it and hurts like crazy not having support. Even though I love him to death, I know what I want and I know this is something for me, not for everybody else. If you still want to get your surgery, before anything else, make sure you have the money (or the credit score to ask for a GOOD loan with an APR no more than 15% and with a reasonable month term) and have researched a good amount of Drs. that have before and afters similar to you and your expectations. Is not worth to break the bank when you aren't financially ready, or having a bad nose job because the Dr. wasn't that good after all. When all that is done, then talk to your parents again. If they say no, but you still want to go for it, then do it. Thing is, you need to make sure you can actually be all by yourself without the care of a nurse. I wouldn't recommend a friend taking care of you, unless it is someone old enough and trustworthy that will never leave you out in the dark, in exchange of a party or other lame excuse. At the end of the day, this is for you. I don't think your nose is bad, but at the same time, people think my boobs are not that bad either, BUT in my head they are, so… Up to you darling. When you are financially and psychologically ready to do it, then do so! Just be smart and wise about it Best for you!
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I would not touch your nose. you are unique and gorgeous as is
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You are so welcome, and I am glad we have been able to help! I assure you, I know exactly what you are talking about. I have pictures on my profile here (if you click on my name and look at my post about 'Finally taking the dive..') and you will see that I am in the same position as you. I have had people make fun of me in school, which are usually the malicious people who are LOOKING for something to say that will hurt me, but then I've also had a lot of people who find me beautiful just the way I am.

When you decide to go forward if surgery, make sure you are doing it for you, and not for how you hope other people will see you. We are our own harshest critics, so you see flaws in yourself that no one else sees and you amplify minor flaws to be something much larger. I am not discouraging you from surgery, because I personally know how it feels to see yourself differently and to be unhappy with what you see, but do it for the right reasons. No matter what nose you have, or eyes, or face in general, there will people that like you and people that don't....but what matters at the end of the day is that you do.

And, I can assure you, most guys won't be looking at your nose =) In fact, my boyfriend is completely oblivious of my nose! When I brought the idea of surgery up, he was like "What?! Why?!" Although we think that our nose is the first thing people see, which is probably because we are so insecure about it, a lot of people don't even notice.

Take these four years to work on your confidence as you are, and then make a decision. You will be beautiful either way =). Feel free to message me if ever you want advice about moving forward with surgery or anything else!
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Thank you for being so sweet! I am so happy that I found this site, and was able to talk to all of you. You all offered such wonderful advice, so much better then I could have hoped for! Thank you very much for the compliment! Often of times, I feel so hideous. I'm not sure why, but I know I blame it on the nose throwing everything off. However, the statement that touched me the most, and always has is the 'It's not that bad at ALL' statement. I look into the mirror, and it's more so the profile view that gets to me. I just find it WAY too long for my face. Yet when I question friends, they say that it is a bit longer then the average nose, but not awful, and that it doesn't look too out of place on my nose. Is that true? If so, I'm just at a loss of words, because I see it and think, "Holy hell, that's huge!" but I'm starting to think I see it as bigger then it really is? I'm not sure.
One of the things that got me most worked up is that I'm always the girl in the backround. Yes, I've had a couple boyfriends, and have had people call me pretty, or even beautiful...but I'm used to everyone just staring at the flaw on my face. However...though it hurts very much, I think I'm doing a good thing by waiting. Especially in terms of BOYS. Say I show up to the college campus, and I have my eyes on a certain guy, but he doesn't like my nose and ignores me. Say after first semester, I come back from Christmas break with a slight alteration (If I choose to do so) and that same guy then likes me-it's almost a great test. To see what guys like me for ME, which greatly includes personality, and what guys are only after the looks:)
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Caitlin, I know exactly what you are going through. All through high school and college, I desperately wanted to get nose surgery. Of course my parents were against the surgery, mostly because they thought I would grow out of it and partly because they thought it was a silly thing to spend money on so young and before I was going into college.

I am now 22, almost turning 23, and will be graduating college and starting my new job in August and have decided that NOW is the time for me to get the surgery I have always wanted. I have done practically 5 years of research, found some incredible doctors, and can pay for the surgery myself. Because I am older and more mature, my parents are now backing me on my decision because they know I can do this on my own and would rather I have their blessing and assistance than do it myself.

Throughout college, build up your credit with small charge cards (such as Victorias Secret or another clothing store). Don't purchase more than you can afford, but just enough that you can make payments to build your credit. This is so that, in case you can't afford all of it after college, you will be able to finance the rest of the payment with CareCredit or another credit card. Although I have the money, I will be financing $5,000 of it because I don't want to deplete my savings.

You are a beautiful girl, and while I understand your insecurities and know that only you can feel beautiful about yourself, know that your nose isn't bad at all and will not ruin your life in college. Yes, the insecurities may be there during those 4 years, but you aren't 'deformed' or hideous by any means. So, just have patience. You're time will come and when it does you will be prepared for it, not rushing into it to get it done before you're capable of handling such a responsibility.

I wish you the best of luck!!
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Thumbs out! You will feel better in the future financially and otherwise by waiting a while. I will say though that you should move forward in the future. Although I had a successful career I always wondered if certain things would have been different if I had "taken the plunge" when I was about your age. Take yourself on a "nice" shopping spree. The difference between "nice" and "huge" is $$$$$; take that and put it aside for you future procedure. Take the first step. Good luck in college Caitlin!
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Thank you guys for the comments! It's almost as though you were both following my mind the past couple of days! Though I hate it, and I'm upset and feel awful when I look in the mirror, getting it done RIGHT NOW is just not realistic. I don't have the time, as I'm so busy, and highly doubt I could book an appointment before June. My parents always haven't warmed up to the idea, because I sprung it on them so suddenly. So I decided that I will wait some. I'm going to get through my first semester of college, save up some more money, etc. If I still have this huge insecurity, this huge hate for my nose, then I will get it done/try to get it done during winter break. I'll have some more money, as well as more recovery time and preperation. I'm going to see if going to college, and being surrounded by people I haven't grow up with changes things. To make myself feel better, though, I shall go on a huge shopping spree for new college clothes;)
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I agree with HIH3 that you don't want to rush into anything. Once you get your nose worked on, each successive revision is that much more difficult, so get it done right the first time.

Out of financial necessity, I waited until I was 27 and it turned out to be a great age to do it. I bet you'll get it done before that, but don't fret about having to get it done the end of this month. Get a good summer job, work your butt off and save and see where you are in the fall maybe?

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Caitlin, Have you spoken to your dad? What happened?

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It hasn't really progressed:( I approached him, and while he understood where I was coming from and why I wanted it, we don't know what to do about money. I told him I do not expect him to chip in anything at all. I would cover half now, and take out a loan for the rest. Then I realized, a bit too late, that I need a co signer for it, and my dad doesn't want to, in case I miss a payment. I know there is a chance I'll miss one, however, if they were to pay it, they could keep track and charge me interest. I'm losing hope with the whole thing, because If I want this surgery at the end of the month, I need to make a consultation NOW...I just don't know what to do. I was crying to my power, and she was mocking me and even laughed and said, 'Cover your face, it will help'
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You know, you WILL get this done...but, maybe the time is not right just yet (I've waited 40 years). One thing you don't want to do is rush things... get more than one opinion so you are comfortable with your Dr. selection. During that time make your goal of saving the $$$$ a top priority. I know that when I was your age if I REALLY wanted something I moved heaven and earth to save for it. In the end you'll feel better because: 1. you know you did your homework; 2. you worked hard, saved and paid for it yourself. Step back, take a deep breath and set your goal for a little further in the near future. You'll thank yourself in the long run AND you'll feel better all the way around. Don't get discouraged and I hope this helps.
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hi, i feel like i just read the story of my life! i really want a nose job and i think about my nose 24/7. friends and peers have always picked on me for my nose and i just wish I could have a day when i looked in the mirror and felt confident about my nose. a girl at my school just got a nose job and i realized how possible it is for me to do now too. thanks for sharing your story! it'd made me feel better about the "shallow" aspect of it. i believe i have self confidence in my personality and such, so why cant i have a nose to match. i dont have the money to do this however, so i'd really have to get my parents on board. i hope i don't have to wait until im middle aged to get this done!
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Thank you so very much! I decided (Maybe this isn't the best) just now that I will get this done, either way. I need to make a choice for myself. While it may seem like a 'money hole' I realized that the precedure wouldn't even cost me as much as a full year of tuition...so I'm willing to do this to be happy with myself, and my life. I will confront them, asking that they please support me, and listen to what they have to say:)
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Good for you! Don't be too hard on Dad though. I suspect he just wants what's best for you. Remember one thing during your conversation...remain calm (notice I said "conversation" not "confrontation"). That can be tough I know but one thing you will learn as you go thru life is the more calm you remain during stressful conversations, negotiations or whatever the more people will be inclined to not only listen but also take you more seriously. They may not agree with you but they are more likely to respect you AND the decision you make. You also sound like a very intelligent young person receiving a full-ride scholarship. This is your first step...good luck to you!
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Thank you SO much for your kind comment! It has helped me so much. I decided that, while confronting my father tonight, I'm not going to walk in with a "Can I do this?" attitude. I will instead walk in with a, "I AM doing this, and I am asking for your help or blessing, depending on if you would like to help." I keep going over it in my mind-I will be in college, not making much of anything...do I really want to put myself into such a money hole so young? Then I realized-first, m tuition for all my years of college is covered (A scholarship I recieved) secondly, I'd rather be owing money and happy, then unhappy with money on the side. I need this for myself, to make my future better. I will tell my father, "It's not a matter of IF I'll get this done-it's only a matter of WHEN, and the time is now."
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My goodness. I hear a lot of me in you at that age. Have you checked with the physcian about some type of payment arrangement? Possibly not using all of your savings just enough for a down payment then make simple payments? It may be an option for you. Make sure that the person is appropriately certified. He/she may have "good rates" but don't settle. You are 100% right when you say that if you are to achieve things you need confidence in yourself. That can make all the difference in the world when it comes to your chosen field. I know exaclty what you are going thru. I had zero self confidence in school, high school especially, because of the teasing. I didn't even go to the senior prom because I lacked absolutely no self confidence what so ever. If you have the chance and the means go for it! Angie is right, you don't need consent and it's your life. I always wonder what my life would have been like had I, at your age, followed what I really wanted to do. Now at middle age I'm finally doing it. Don't wait. Your life will be so much better. Good luck.
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Thank you for the comment! I've already found a wonderful individual to do the procedure, here in my general area, who also has very good rates. I've read all reviews of him, and have not see ONE negative review (Other then an individual saying that he had to cancel their appointment twice). I can pay for it, but it would take all my savings in my bank account. I know that's not a smart choice, since I'll be attending college next year, and would like to have SOME money in the account. Currently, I've been approuching them in an emotional state. My mom refuses, but I think I put some very, very slight change in my dad, so I'll zero in on that. That continue to say, "You're beautiful, you don't need one. Don't listen to the kids." It isn't about my peers, anymore. It's about how this makes me feel about myself-I can't even look in the mirror, I squint my eyes while doing my makeup because I don't want to see my nose. In the future, if I am to achieve things, especially in the work field, I need confidence in myself. If I don't have confidence in myself, I may be passing up a lot.
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Oh, I so totally get you. I felt the same way at your age. I had my dad's huge nose. I ended up having to wait until I was 27 to get my rhinoplasty, but wish I could've done it sooner. I would suggest approaching your parents in the least possible emotional way, armed with facts about how safe this procedure is in general, particularly if you choose a rhinoplasty specialist. Being 18 and with your own money, you don't need their consent, yes? Just their blessing?

I'm sure they're worried about you more than anything.

Please keep us posted, and if you can, post your photos directly on RealSelf.

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