any advice from people who had breast aug regarding tell your JUDGMENTAL family

  • littleMRSpriss
  • Jacksonville, NC
  • 1 year ago

Hi everyone, this is my first post on this forum, so I am hoping that everyone will be supportive and not judgmental and nasty. Anyways,  I am soon to be 23, married and no plans of kids in the near future.  I have my surgery scheduled for next month (silicone-unders, hoping to go from 32b-full c/small d) and am excited, but nervous.  The sad part is i am mostly nervous due to the telling my family aspect, rather than the usual worries of pain and complications.  Don't get me wrong,  I am worried about those things, too.  I just don't know how to go about it and don't want to blatantly tell everyone, but at the same time I am sure they will all notice & I do not want to lie.  Both of our families are very judgmental.  I know my family things that any unnecessary cosmetic surgery is done "to impress people" or for people who "lack self esteem".  Neither of those are true.  It's for ME.  Also, my main frustration is that I am an adult & not asking for anyone to pay for it.  I wish I had the mind-state to be like F it, who cares.  SOOOO, anyone who has been here or is going through the same thing i'd love to hear from you.  Thanks in advance ladies!!! :)

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I don't know if you still check this thread, but I experienced some serious backlash from my very religious family after getting my BA. I have actually been cut off from my extended family completely for about 6 years now. It makes me sad to think that these people who claim to have "Christian Values" would treat me this way. My father stood up for me to my family and they have stopped speaking to him, as well. But in his words, "Jesus wouldn't stop loving you so why would I?" Then again, my experience with those family members really opened my eyes and caused me to see that they use their so-called religious values to mask/justify their hatred of lots of different types of people. In the end, I am better off without them in my life because their poisonous influence would only serve to confuse and frustrate me. Some things you have to do for yourself. It is worth weighing the risks versus the benefit. Be realistic about your expectations regarding your family. If you think they will treat you badly, and you can't handle that or it would cause you extreme distress, maybe it would be better to put off the surgery. But if you think you can work through it, then go for it!
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I have only told 1 friend - someone who also is considering a BA and my boyfriend. He came with me and supported me through this whole process. I fear my family will look at the $$ and the vanity, and neglect the most important thing. My self confidence and feeling like normal lady. Everyone's reasons are different, after the surgery it's life changing. Only woman who have gone through this can truly understand. thank you ladies to all the ladies on the site and good luck to everyone who is getting a BA in the future.
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Dont tell them. Its no ones business buts yours. If people wont support you than they dont derserve to know.
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Im 31, I had surgery 3 moths ago. I went from an A cup to a DD cup. I did no tell anyone. My boyfriend came with me, my twin sister ( who has D breasts) knew and that was it. My mom found a letter from my PS in my purse looking for something else. I told her I was having breast surgery but did not elaborate on what kind or why. I few years ago I had to set boundaries with my family. I explained that I am an adult and it is personal information. I wouldn't want to know if my dad was getting a vasectomy, thats' too personal and private. We are a close family, but we don't need to be that close. My family respected my choices and my man and sister supported me the most out of all. I didn't tell anyone at work either. I wore padded bras a lot, so when I was in sports bra town after surgery no one noticed the change.
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I am 41 and didn't tell my mom or anyone else in my family for the same reasons you said. I felt they wood be negative and unsupportive and I didn't want to have that on my mind going into surgery. It made it easier and harder at the same time. I'm otherwise very close with my family and not telling, especially my mom, made me feel like I was lying to them and then I had to avoid seeing them for the first 2 weeks. My husband knew, of course, and he said that I shouldn't have to tell them. It really wasn't any of their business, especially since it was such a personal decision. I actually told my mom a few days ago. I am now 6 weeks post-op. She took it way better than I thought she would. She did say that if I had told her before, she would've tried to talk me out of it. She was glad I didn't have any complications. I told her my reasons for doing it, which seems similar to yours, and she was very supportive and wasn't judgmental at all. When I got off the phone with her I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me. I have no plans of telling anyone else, especially since I only have brothers and they really don't need to know! LOL! You have to do what's best for YOU, and if you don't tell them now, you can always tell them later.
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I went into and through my BA not telling my mom and I'm 49. I could hear her in my head saying, oh cheryl, are you kidding me...? Well I ended up telling her a week later and could not believe the support she is giving me. She is not telling any other family because she doesn't want them gossiping about me. At this point I don't care. Knowing that I am happy with my choice and I'm supported by my hubs, children, and parents is enough for me. You will know when it's the right time to tell them.
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Thanks for sharing. So glad you're "coming out" so to speak LOL went well. Hopefully I will have the same luck. :)
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Whether you tell your family or not, it is your choice just as having the surgery is your choice. I have a similar situation, half of my family is very judgmental and wouldn't understand. I am fortunate to have a very supportive hubs (sounds like you do as well!) and my mom wasn't excited about it but supported me regardless. She told the rest of my family and basically summed it up to them by saying its my choice. Good luck with everything and just remember this is for YOU!
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Thanks for the comment. Yeah I have yet to tell anyone. My husband was totally supportive. Not leaning to either side as he said it was "a trap". Lol if he said I should get it then he thought I would think he didn't love me as I am. Also if he was against it he didn't want to seem unsupportive. So, ultimately he just said I support whatever you decide lol. I'm still thinking if I should just not say anything and wait for it to come up. I have a huge family and would prefer to not be the holiday gossip lol.
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Hello! I've had the same concern on my mind. I've always been close to my parents and for whatever reason feel like I have to have their approval. I was struggling with how to tell my mom and one day she approached me to ask if I was planning to have a surgery done as I guess she saw something on my computer. However, she thought I was getting a tummy tuck! She didn't seem to bothered by it but when I said oh I'm not doing that and told her I was considering a BA she got a bit bothered and walked off and then told me I needed to think about it because I'm putting foreign objects in my body. Its been about two weeks since that incident and she hasn't brought it up anymore so I'm hoping that when I tell her I'm really going through with it she won't react as bad since she knows I'm thinking about it already! I'm planning to approach it as I've worked really hard to get my body back after having kids and I'm doing this FOR ME it's not for my husband or for anyone else, I'm not asking for them to pitch in and help pay for it and I'm not asking their permission but I am letting them know because I don't want to hide something from them because I'm not doing anything wrong!! Now I just have to figure out when to have this convo! I am not telling my husband's family because well I don't care what they think lol. Good luck to you!
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Yeah! NO need to tell them unless you are BFFs with his mom or something. I can understand how it feels when your mom reacts like that. My mom reacts similarly to things that she "doesn't approve of" but that's how they are. I'm glad you were able to get a start to your conversation at least. She may react in a rejecting way, but she will thaw. If she's like mine, she just will act like it doesn't exist after it happens, just accepting it 'is'. Don't let that quell your excitement! It's just as exciting.
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Aw! well I hope it goes well. I am sure it won't be as bad(telling her) since she had already somewhat had an idea you were getting surgery. With me, as far as they know (if they ever do) it will have been spontaneous. Which is not true, just never talked to them about it. I guess I know soon. I wasn't planning on seeing anyone til Christmas. BUT, now I have family coming down for Thanksgiving (my surgery is on the 9th) eeeeek so i'll be still healing lol. I hope this goes well!!
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Hi, my family also thinks plastic surgery is "disgustingly vain." So, I know exactly how you feel. I choose not to tell my family about my choices seeing as I am not asking them to pay for it. I would just wear really padded bras for a while that will look the same as you will with your implants. That's what I have been doing! You are married and an adult and can make this choice. THEY will adjust to the choices you make about YOUR body. ARe you a good wife? Daughter, sister, cousin, etc? THat's what matters most and that's what will keep them speaking to you. They may be a bit frosty for awhile, but when they realize you are you, they will melt and get over it. It may take awhile and they may say some mean things at first, but, it really won't last. You don't owe an explanation for your choices, although you may feel like expressing them.
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Wearing padded bras is a great idea. The good news for me however, is that my husband is active duty USMC, so unfortunately (or fortunately in this case) I dont see them often enough to where as they would notice. It could go the other way too, assuming it ends up being a drastic changes according to my body. I just went ahead and scheduled it because I am an adult, I have the support of my spouse, I have the financial means to do so and there is no reason that I should be held back from something like this solely because of our judgmental families. Thanks so much for your input, this site has been a wealth of support during this time! How long ago did you have yours done & what specifics did you get (size, saline/silicone, under/over muscle, etc.) & how was the healing process!??
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I haven't had mine done yet; two weeks to go! I did have a Brazilian Butt Lift in June, though. I am so close with my family and it was really weird going into surgery and not telling them. Of course I had local friends there to support me and take care of me so I was safe. When I saw my mom two months later, she may have noticed but didn't say anything. Sometimes it's like "I can't say for sure". I guess it's kind of weird for the other people to bring it up if you didn't say you had surgery. It can be sort of "did she? didn't she?" It turned out okay for my fat transfer, so I'm hoping the boobs will be the same story, especially since I am chesty as is (DD). I am getting saline, unders, a lift and 350-400 CC mod+ or High profiles!
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Oh good for you! That's exactly what my husband said about it would be kind of awk if they brought it up. His family wouldn't ask me but my 18 year old sister and my mom would blatantly ask me, which frightens me LOL. I don't want to lie, but then I don't want to deal with all of the negativity associated with telling them. Especially since the next time we are going "home" will be for Christmas and at that point I will be all healed. Then again I wouldn't be wearing things that would expose my "new girls" either lol. I am not exactly sure of the CC's and I think it will almost be something where the dr will have to see when he is doing the surgery how many he "can fit". I am doing silicone under the muscle as well. I don't want to be bigger than a small D, as I am very active and do a lot of marathon running. You will DEFINITELY have to let me know how the surgery goes, and post updates/pictures if you are physically able!! :)
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oh, I will certainly do a lot of posting! It's fun to do this stuff and I don't have any friends who elect to do plastic surgery, so I have to share the real excitement here. I am seeing my fam for Thanksgiving in a COLD climate and will be covered with lots of layers so no one will notice! I just hope no one hugs me too hard as they will still be softening up haha. I also am active and have been a gym rat for 11 years! I have always had boobs, so it won't be much of an adjustment. You may be surprised how you will not be affective negatively by your size choice, and even a full D could be fine. I have been wearing these special Champion sports bras for YEARS and they literally take away any bounce AND look really sexy. So, don't be worried about that at all!
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Telling people about your surgery, especially people who can be especially critical, is tough. You might want to connect with this lady who had similar concerns...

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Thank you so much Angiemcc, I sent her a private message.
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